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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why women still accept unequal relationships?

239 replies

Tinnybinnylinny · 19/07/2026 23:59

I have been an avid lurker and infrequent commenter…..

Its 2026, women have had the vote for over a
hundred years, access to education, we are about three generations in for women being able to earn professional salaries…their own business/ whatever it is. Yet - why are women still raising male children to treat their partners/wives like crap (not all men, and of course no one posts when it’s a happy life)?.

Why do women:

a. Accept it?;

b. raise the next generation to do the same (I appreciate these are inter- linked).

I see it on so many threads on here and in real life. Women that are the high earners - and yet do everything for the kids and the partners/ husbands….

The law/ employers etc can change/ have all the polices etc, but it doesn’t matter….

What am I missing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:22

Mygiddyvalentine · 20/07/2026 00:19

I am aware of where you are coming from but in my circles I know of loads of fathers who are really, really engaged and in pretty equal relationships. That is partly down to my work environment which naturally lends itself to fathers doing more parenting than other jobs because we have a lot of downtime. However my kids friends have a lot of similar parenting set ups.

That would not have been the case even 1 generation ago where I’m from so a lot has changed but yes I agree I’d like the pace to speed up.

I think it is also worth remembering that people are very imperfect and so it will always be a version of problematic but driving towards a more equal footing is a good thing.

Also separately I see and know of lots women who absolutely value being able to stay dependent and do not value equality in any meaningful way. They think feminism is a dirty word which is a real shame.

Am glad you are seeing where I am coming from.

I am definitely not blaming women for men’s behaviour - I am questioning why it seems
they accept it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:21

JHound · 20/07/2026 00:17

You are blaming women for men’s behaviour. You blamed their mothers for who men choose to be.

Show quote history

So what you are saying that how children are raised/ what they see as they are growing up/ what they are taught has no bearing on who they turn out to be as adults?

Childhood experiences have no connection to the adults we become.

Pull the other one!

OP posts:
Mygiddyvalentine · 20/07/2026 00:19

I am aware of where you are coming from but in my circles I know of loads of fathers who are really, really engaged and in pretty equal relationships. That is partly down to my work environment which naturally lends itself to fathers doing more parenting than other jobs because we have a lot of downtime. However my kids friends have a lot of similar parenting set ups.

That would not have been the case even 1 generation ago where I’m from so a lot has changed but yes I agree I’d like the pace to speed up.

I think it is also worth remembering that people are very imperfect and so it will always be a version of problematic but driving towards a more equal footing is a good thing.

Also separately I see and know of lots women who absolutely value being able to stay dependent and do not value equality in any meaningful way. They think feminism is a dirty word which is a real shame.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/07/2026 00:19

Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:16

I am not blaming women for the behaviour of men.

what I am saying is that women have a choice now - but that it appears that they accept the behaviour.

Show quote history

No, you said why are they raising the next generation to do the same. And why are they raising the next generation to treat their wives like crap. Of course you are blaming women.

Instead of blaming women, why not tell us how you manage to be perfect and get it all right?

Original poster
Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:18

JHound · 20/07/2026 00:15

Why do women post misogynist posts that hold women responsible for men’s behaviour? How men treat their wives is nothing to do with their mothers.

As for why women accept unequal relationships - most women want marriage and children and so take what’s on offer. And much of what is on offer is not good. I never accepted that but then I accepted that meant never having kids and being unlikely to marry. Not everybody wants that.

it appears that you are unable to understand the question.

i am not blaming women for the behaviour of men, but asking why they accept the behaviour? it’s a nuance - but you may not understand.

OP posts:
JHound · 20/07/2026 00:17

Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:16

I am not blaming women for the behaviour of men.

what I am saying is that women have a choice now - but that it appears that they accept the behaviour.

Show quote history

You are blaming women for men’s behaviour. You blamed their mothers for who men choose to be.

Original poster
Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:16

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/07/2026 00:11

You are literally part of the problem, starting this thread blaming women for men’s behaviour.

I am not blaming women for the behaviour of men.

what I am saying is that women have a choice now - but that it appears that they accept the behaviour.

OP posts:
JHound · 20/07/2026 00:15

Why do women post misogynist posts that hold women responsible for men’s behaviour? How men treat their wives is nothing to do with their mothers.

As for why women accept unequal relationships - most women want marriage and children and so take what’s on offer. And much of what is on offer is not good. I never accepted that but then I accepted that meant never having kids and being unlikely to marry. Not everybody wants that.

PollyBell · 20/07/2026 00:14

randomchap · 20/07/2026 00:08

Sounds a bit victim blaming to me

Men's bad behaviour is not women's fault. Obviously

No but they are responsible for sticking their head in sand and letting children grow up in that envirornment and putting up with it

Original poster
Tinnybinnylinny · 20/07/2026 00:14

randomchap · 20/07/2026 00:08

Sounds a bit victim blaming to me

Men's bad behaviour is not women's fault. Obviously

Of course it isnt - but when a woman does everything for the man, raises the kids etc. Why are women just so incredibly weak? Caveat - not all women, just as not all men treat women badly.

I just don’t understand it. So few women among my friendship group (all tertiary level educated, professional, probably all earning six figures plus….) not one has an equal partnership, those with kids and those without. Those with kids even worse (from what I see).

Women are not to blame for men’s behaviour - but they do on the face of it, accept it.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/07/2026 00:11

You are literally part of the problem, starting this thread blaming women for men’s behaviour.

Gealach · 20/07/2026 00:09

My DH doesn’t treat me like crap. But I definitely recognise that I do all the thinking and organising . He does tasks but I do the big picture family thinking: I am on the what’s app groups, I organise all the play dates, I know the medical stuff, I book the holidays, I plan for back to school. He does what he’s asked to do but I’m the project manager in the family. I don’t do everything, he does loads of cooking and cleaning and childcare but I’m carrying a mental load that he isn’t.

and this seems like a common issue with couples. I think we put up with this because it’s hard to explain the mental load and will have another generation to change.

randomchap · 20/07/2026 00:08

Sounds a bit victim blaming to me

Men's bad behaviour is not women's fault. Obviously

WisdomBiscuit · 20/07/2026 00:06

People are sheep. They’ll mostly follow whatever the society/culture they’re in, even when they know better. Change takes a long time.