Not let dd2 join dd1’s hobby

Let dd1 have one thing that’s hers bless her. While also boosting her up that she is good at the things she is good at.

To do a Hobby since three and then basically have your better than you sibling come and destroy it for her would likely be the final nail of hatred towards her sister and feeling like you favour her as well.

Dd2 already has other activities she can learn that she can’t do everything all the time.

If DD2 genuinely wants to do the hobby and it isn't purely to wind up her sister then I'd allow it.

DD1 needs to learn to manage her jealousy with your support and that can't be by preventing DD2 from doing things just in case she's better at it.

I'm not sure it is helpful to describe DD1's feelings as 'jealousy'. She feels inadequate compared to her younger sister. If this isn't nipped in the bud right now, it could lead to a lifetime of self-esteem issues.

Perhaps there is currently no more space at this activity and DD2 will need to go on the waiting list (until the point at which she loses interest as DC so often do).

I was also thinking whether DD2 would need to give up another activity to take up this possible new one that DD1 does? Could there be a stage of an existing hobby DD2 could be encouraged to reach and that then you could consider a switch ? Buy some time basically….Use the time to help DD1 build some resilience if you can. As I have often seen on here ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’… encourage extended family to comment on effort and commitment and not attainment in preparation for the future……..

Could she do the same hobby at a different team/centre?

But why on earth should one sibling get to dictate what the other is allowed and not allowed to do? Just no, they are both children and parents shouldn’t favour the choices of one over the other. It smacks of DD1 being favoured for unfair reasons

But it also seems very unfair that DD1 should never get to do anything separately from DD2.

Really not, in my experience. Wasn't a perfect dynamic but I'm sure it was much better that the alternative. They can be clear that this is just about hobbies, not schoolwork etc etc.

Just tell the girls that they each get one hobby that is special to them. This will allow both girls to flourish without that awful competition.

Might be a daft question, but how do you know DD2 will be better at it?

I may have been DD2 a bit, though perhaps not so much so. Our family rule was very much Separate Hobbies!! This was fine (though I regret now effectively not having been allowed to learn to draw well) until DSis was allowed to take something up that was very much in "my" category of hobby. I'm not sure I expressed at the time how cheated I felt, but I still remember it. Absolutely bananas, of course, I wasn't even doing precisely that thing, and of course I didn't own it.

All of which is to say, yes, let DD1 have her thing, but work through as a family what the rules are and keep them consistent and fair.

Agree completely with @Coffeetablelegs where does it end? Sets a terrible precedent and supports an unhealthy dynamic.

I think you should let DD2 do it, other wise she’ll resent DD1.

Is DD2 the type to choose hobbies on a whim? If she is, say no. If it’s something you think she’d really enjoy and would actually be really good at, don’t hold her back because DD1 won’t like it.

Whilst it’s perfectly normal for DD1 to feel jealous, you need to help her manage that rather than stopping DD2 doing it. It’s not her fault she’s naturally good at things.

I think you need to teach both daughters resilience and to run their own race. DD1 needs to learn that it’s about doing her best rather than being the best and DD2 will need to do something that will challenge her or she may become complacent.

I’m in the camp that DD2 shouldn’t have her wings clipped due to DD1s jealousy. How mean. It’s not her fault.

Siblings need space away from each other. Your elder DD isnt unreasonable to want something that is just hers.

This. What would you say to DD1 if she told you she needed space from DD2?

Edited having re-read the OP: it sounds like DD1 is saying she needs space from DD2, but your DH is saying she can’t have it?

Could you tell DD2 she's got a full schedule of activities already and you want her to give the current ones a fair chance, but if she's still keen on the new activity in a year (or six months, whatever's appropriate) you can talk about swapping something out for it? She may go off of it or be less keen over time (especially if her interest is based on a film rather than, say, all of her friends doing the new activity). But either way it gives DD1 a chance to build up her confidence in the meantime - if she's only been upset for about a month, this too may fade in time especially as you're actively working to build her up.

I actually disagree with this. It's one thing and it's special to DD1 who is already struggling with feeling her sister is better at everything. This hobby is clearly a special case.

I think it would be fine to say to DD2 that she already does plenty of activities. You could ask if there is something else she does currently that she would give up to take this hobby up instead, to gauge how interested in it she really is.

I was DD2 in this scenario many years ago and it destroyed my relationship with my sister. I wasn’t aware of how she felt until I left home and by that time it was too late 😢

Siblibgs need space away from each other. Your elder DD isnt unreasonable to want something that is just hers.

I spent years knowing I wasnt as good as my brother. Took me until adulthood to know that just because I wasnt outstanding at some things, didnt mean I wasnt good at them.

Honestly I would let dd2 do the hobby. You say she’s done nothing wrong so then it’s not fair to keep her from joining in. It’s not up to dd2 to have to deal with, nor should she be punished for, her sisters jealousy.

I'd consider what DD2 is like personality wise. Is there a chance she wants to take this hobby up precisely because it's DD1s thing and she knows she'll likely be better at it? Could she want to do it just to piss her off? If so, definitely don't let her.