Not let dd2 join dd1’s hobby

It’s absolutely not good for either of them to do everything together or to do the same things.
Esp as they are so close in age, they're going to compare themselves to each other instead of learning about their own tastes.

Having had two dcs close in age too, I’ve done my best to ensure they have somethimg they enjoy wo their sibling around. I really dint regret that.

I think you should let your eldest daughter have this hobby to herself. Your youngest already has a lot of activities and it might just be a passing interest because of the film. I'd tell the youngest that she already has enough on and then wait and see - if she's still talking about wanting to do it in 3-6 months I might reconsider. But if you do, I think it's important your eldest is allowed to keep her group of friends at skating and sessions without her sister (eg her sister trains at a different time and with a different group).

I'd delay and see if the interest dies down - if not then it's harder to say no to DD2 but I might then have to give her a try but she'd have to stop another activity.

In meantime try and get them to spend time some other way - as that may be what DD2 actually wants.

One of my children ice skates and they very clearly decide whether they want to be a figure skater or a hockey skater. I think OP would have a hard time convincing her youngest to not figure skate if that is the movie she’s watched.

DD1 is already furious and upset about DD2 asking. She will know.

If the oldest is doing figure skating maybe get the younger to do ice hockey, both on the ice but not in direct competition.

Just seen the hobby is ice skating. Why don't you take them both to the skating rink every now and again for some casual recreational skating, without signing DD2 up for classes? Then she can still have fun without stepping on DD1's toes.

No one is suggesting you tell DD2 that’s the reason!

Dd1 has plenty of experience of dealing with her younger sister excelling. The OP has no control of the majority of life, so dd2 will experience success in many, many areas. Dd1 will have a lifetime of learning to build her self confidence and trying to value her own achievements when they are objectively 'less' in comparison to dd2's. That's tough. And one way to this is for her to a small space where comparison doesn't exist.

"Where does it stop" makes no sense. The OP clearly supports dd2 in a range of other activities and has zero opportunity to 'even things out' in their school lives. Dd1's needs are not going to dominate dd2's ! It's one little space for dd1.

Saying no because it's too many hobbies or because it isn't affordable is different to saying no because she might be better than her sister.

All DD2 will learn is favouritism towards DD1.

I was going to guess ice skating having seen an ice skating series pop up on Netflix! I have a DD who is going through the ranks of ice skating at the moment and I’d say I’m team DD1.

The problem with ice skating is you only get that one 30 mins lesson a week and then having to book the public skates for practise. There’s not unlimited time to practise so if DD2 is naturally better/more confident (and doing gymnastics definitely helps!) she’ll fly through the skate lessons and before you know it she’ll be joining her sister. It’ll knock DD1’s confidence for sure.

Even without the sibling rivalry aspect, you'd be more than within your rights to say "no, you already do enough activities". A line has to be drawn somewhere. I really feel for DD1. And it's fine for them to want to do something separately. Imagine if you said you wanted to get out the house once a week and do something for yourself, so you were joining an art class, and then DH announced that he'd signed himself and the kids up too, so you were all going to go together. Most people would understand why you'd be upset in those circumstances. Well it's the same for DD1.

Lots of sympathy here. I have a younger one who appears to have things easier than her older brother. She is neurotypical (he has ADHD), picks up every sport she tries quickly, and is naturally academic. The age gap is four years and my older one really struggles with it.
we’re trying our best to celebrate effort rather than achievement and emphasise what they have going on as individuals.

I’d probably see if your younger daughter keeps showing an interest. If there is a hint that it’s to spend time with her sister then maybe use that opportunity to say to her that it’s important that they have their own interests. If she really wants to do it though because she’s genuinely
interested then I would let her and work on things with your eldest.

Has she ever been ice skating?

I’m actually going to bet that if dd1 has been skating since 3, it’s going to take someone who’s never skated a long time to catch up at age 8.

taller, stronger and more flexible won’t always translate to being comfortable on the ice.

how often does dd1 train? You say she’s “quite good”- does she compete?

i have a dd who is a good dancer. Also thought she might like skating, and in theory should have been good at it. She was, but found it bloody terrifying and soon gave up.

if your dd1 is training regularly and it’s “serious” for her, I might think about signing dd2 up for rec lessons. Half an hour a week isn’t suddenly going to catch up 6 years of regular practice.

who knows, it might humble dd2 a bit and boost dd1’s confidence that there is something her sister isn’t automatically better at.

Sorry op just saw your update and my eldest also skates. Is DD1 in group classes or 1:1 with a coach? We let our eldest have this as their own hobby. I know for us my youngest has to come watch, is this true for you and why dd2 wants to join in? Classes I’d say no, diff classes I’d say yes.

This, and op should have to drop any pretence they dont
have a favourite child,
@freddierose so are you going to tell school that they can’t give dd2 any better grades than dd1.. in fact they’ll have to make sure she’s kept in the lower sets?

It’s hard. I’d be tempted to delay signing up DD2 for the class. She may lose interest in it. if she doesn’t DD1 will be a little more advanced/confident.

If your eldest has being ice skating since age 3 why now does your youngest want to do it? It’s not like it’s a new hobby to the family?

FWIW I have had similar dilemmas with my twins - I don’t let them have the same hobbies in the main because one has a disability and is already quite conscious of the fact she isn’t as able as her twin so she needs something that’s just “hers” that being said there is a joint hobby also that they’ve expressed an interest in doing - think along the lines of scouts (but not that) where it caters for lots of different interests and they can get badges/awards in different things and I’m inclined to let them both do that

It is not punishing! It is completely normal to tell a child they can’t do everything they want and for grown-ups to make those decisions based on a whole range of factors. It’ll be good for DD2 to learn that.

The one positive is smaller usually means better in skating, a lower centre of gravity means spins & jumps are easier... but ice skating takes up so much time & gets expensive so quickly, I think you'd be right even without the sibling conflict to make sure it's something she really wants to do and not just a fleeting whim.

What if she takes up ice skating when she’s older, and can take herself off to the rink, and still ends up better than DD1 who has been doing it for years? She will just resent you for not letting her start young, and DD1 will be even more upset about being overtaken given her extra years of practice.

You could tell a white lie and say the group is full, or distract her for a few weeks and hope the interest fades, but if she’s persistent about wanting to do it, I would let her do it.

V similar situation in my house and if it’s an activity where they’d be in the same group and so same friendships I’d say no. If they can be in seperate groups then yes we would let them both do it.
It’s not mean to let your eldest have one activity and friendships that don’t also include her sister. She’s voiced her upset and taking away her one thing she does without little sis coming and getting all the praise etc would be cruel and likely mess their relationship up further.

Im guessing they are hopefully in different year groups at school?

That isn't what this is about though.

It's not allowing it because she might be better than DD1. That isn't DD2's fault and would be punishing her.

I would keep that activity for DD1 but wouldn't let either girl know why... this is the perfect occasion for a a white lie.

You could say she already does too many activities but that risks her saying she'll drop one in favour of her sister's hobby. I think I'd tell her you'd asked but the group is full and unfortunately there's no room for her to join. That way she won't resent her sister 🤷‍♀️

Does your eldest daughter compete in shows and competitions? Or do you just take her to a public session at the rink for a skate around?

If it’s the latter, I think it would be cruel to tell your younger daughter she can’t ice skate for fun.

You are the parent. It’s your job to encourage DD1 and build her confidence whilst at the same time encourage DD2 to do what she wants but keep her level headed.

You need to be treating your daughters equally and fairly.

And FWIW, I’m tall. I was always one of the tallest in the class as a child and found ice skating difficult, despite being a good runner and swimmer.