AIBU to be annoyed at husband about dislike for friends husband

I had an old friend from school days, been friends for ever and finally she got married and had twins. Me and my DH just couldn’t stand her new partner, and it was indeed very difficult. I saw her on her own, and that worked, but it meant I never really got to know her kids. She would stay at my house and enjoy it, but I couldn’t accept invites to her house, I was really concerned she’d easily see I thought her DH was an utter twat. It’s really hard to hide the fact you dislike somebody.. it’s going to be apparent to your kids, their kids, etc. Eventually the friendship has faded, it’s just not sustainable.

I agree that the comment is the major detail we ought to know in order to give an honest response.

Widely, people will avoid those they aren't keen on and that's fine. Groups and couple friendships can be a strain for those who aren't feeling it. I understand your sense of loss though...when it works it's great.

You and the other mum plus kids were getting along fine before the men were introduced to each other. Go back to doing that.

Nothing major, just a misunderstanding about a comment one made to the other.

Always notable when a major detail - the major detail, in fact - gets handwaved over vaguely, like there's nothing to see here. What was the comment? I can imagine both the husbands in that other thread about one woman slagging off the other's cooking saying exactly this.

Though actually regardless of the comment the answer is still that you can't do it anything about it because you can't make adults be friends with people they don't like.

What was the fall out over? It obviously wasn't trivial to your DH and I would re-evaluate the friendship, your DH might be right that there is something off. But nothing to stop you and the mum being friends if you want just keep the men out of it.

I'm afraid the answer is tough shit.

You cant force someone to be friends with someone else and I would be furious if it was me being coerced into spending time with someone I genuinely didnt like.

This doesnt have to be the drama you are making it out to be though - you can still spend time with your mum friend and all the kids whenever you like so its not like you can never see her again. You are just going to have to arrange meet ups slightly differently is all.

Thats just life- I cant stand my best friend's husband for example (for good reason) so I just meet up with her now.

You just meet up without the husbands now it’s that simple.

If dh was mad I’d fallen out with another mummy so we not didn’t do big together family days I’d tell him I had stopped being a toddler many years ago so didn’t need someone to force friendships on me.

It appears women are allowed boundaries men are to do whatever the woman wants

People are allowed boundaries OP so this really depends on what was said to who.

Tell them mummy dragged daddy into a friendship with someone he thinks is a pain?

Why can’t you meet the kids and mum out?

I'd just carry on meeting without my DH. You don't have to come as a pair.

On the surface your husband shouldn’t have to be around someone he doesn’t like. However, if he’s like my OH (and I hope he isn’t) then it’s any excuse not to like anyone which is pretty miserable. Does he have form for falling out with people? Could he be trying to sabotage your friendship a bit? If not, and he’s usually a decent guy then maybe the other man is a bit of a dick, just be friends with your own original friend. I can see why you would be a bit upset though if it’s been nice for the kids as well.

I have a really good friend, known her since university, I really don’t like her partner, my DH is “neutralish” but he really likes my friend and is adamant about me maintaining our friendship, he’s happy to ferry me or her about (I’m not currently driving for health reasons). If we see her alone, all well and good, if he tips up we are “cordial “ .

Can your husband not accept that you value your friendship and your kids enjoy hers and just trundle along?

This sums it up men are allowed to have their own opinions

Agreed. The bless he’s saying that the OP cannot meet up, he gets to decide for himself.

The friend's husband probably feels the same as your husband and they are entitled to. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't like it.

Just arrange to meet the woman with kids and say it’s a shame dhs have had issues are you happy to continue to meet without them?

It really doesn’t, you know. It’s perfectly normal to decide you don’t want to be friends with someone, regardless of whether your spouse would like you to play nice.

It's impossible to say without knowing what was said, which I can understand you don't want to share.
As in it depends how bad it was, for example like the post on here a while ago about someone insulting the OP's cooking behind her back, but the husbands still wanted to be friends.
If her husband said something really bad, maybe it's right not to meet together again. But if it was something like an argument about who the best team is, whichever one of them is being pathetic about it needs to get over it.

In your situation I'd grow up and accept my husband is an adult who can make his own choices.

I wouldn't appreciate my husband dictating who I have to be friends with.

So he doesn't like the other guy. You can't force him to like someone else.

Depending what it was, they’ll probs get over it. Men tend to forget quicker than women. Sorry that’s actually very sexist so I should have said just IMO. Unless your husband is generally a grudge holder or if one of them did something terrible it’ll probs sort itself out. For now, respect his wishes and just meet the mum and/or kids together for now and don’t push it as that will make it worse

Unless he is forbidding you from seeing your friend Just see your friend and kids alone you can’t force your DH to spend time with someone he dislikes how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot ?

I think it’s unusual for men to fall out over one misunderstood comment. I’d assume it more likely that they were never particularly fond of each other and this was a good excuse for them to stop being forced together. Either that or the comment was actually horrendous