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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another party etiquette one…sorry!

82 replies

Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 09:58

Not for social media please.

Interested to hear what others think really.

Child invited over to friend’s house for birthday, not a party as such but 3 friends and the birthday girl. I accepted the invitation over text (almost immediately) the next day another child in the class invited lots of the class to their own party on the same day and the same time (she wouldn’t have knows about the other get together to be fair). Mum of original inviter approached me to ask if my child had been invited to the new party, I replied that they hadn’t. Anyway, she cancelled the little get together and said she’ll rearrange later in the holidays. Her child went to the boy’s party. Two of the three girls (including mine) weren’t invited to the boys party so I thought it was a fairly crappy thing to do really.

My OH says he’s not surprised and it’s standard behaviour. I think it’s teaching your kids that it’s okay to let people down and that it’s mean. My child was disappointed which I can manage and is part of life, all of which I explained to her but I did also say to her that I thought that it was poor on the parents’ part and that I wouldn’t never do that.

What do you think? Mean?

OP posts:
AddictedToTea · 19/07/2026 13:06

I think it’s rude. How would mum have felt if two of DC’s play date attendees dropped out because of a bigger party that her child wasn’t invited to? If all play date invitees were invited to the bigger party, fair enough. But they weren’t. Why is it ok for host to cancel in this situation but not guest?

I’d be upset in your shoes OP and I would mentally chalk them up as flaky friends who I’d be reluctant to make plans with in the future.

modgepodge · 19/07/2026 13:06

I think I’d have done the same except I’d have got a date in for the play date immediately, not a vague promise to rearrange.

I got an invite for my daughter to attend a birthday party on the day I’d booked hers (but hadn’t yet sent invites out). I rearranged as I knew there would be guest list overlap. If I’d already sent the invites out…I guess I would have seen how many of the guests were affected and coordinated with the other parent and probably rearranged or let her rearrange.

A party my daughter got invited to yesterday had the time moved due to another party on the same day. I’d say it’s quite common to try and avoid clashes. The big issue is the play date party not being given a new date immediately IMO.

LejlaKapovic · 19/07/2026 13:00

Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 09:58

Not for social media please.

Interested to hear what others think really.

Child invited over to friend’s house for birthday, not a party as such but 3 friends and the birthday girl. I accepted the invitation over text (almost immediately) the next day another child in the class invited lots of the class to their own party on the same day and the same time (she wouldn’t have knows about the other get together to be fair). Mum of original inviter approached me to ask if my child had been invited to the new party, I replied that they hadn’t. Anyway, she cancelled the little get together and said she’ll rearrange later in the holidays. Her child went to the boy’s party. Two of the three girls (including mine) weren’t invited to the boys party so I thought it was a fairly crappy thing to do really.

My OH says he’s not surprised and it’s standard behaviour. I think it’s teaching your kids that it’s okay to let people down and that it’s mean. My child was disappointed which I can manage and is part of life, all of which I explained to her but I did also say to her that I thought that it was poor on the parents’ part and that I wouldn’t never do that.

What do you think? Mean?

It's really rude and classless. But I wouldn't make a big deal of it. I'd just not accept the next invitation...

Maddy70 · 19/07/2026 12:57

Thw girl probably wanted to go to the bigger party so they postponed it. That's fine

Original poster
Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 12:52

I kind of thought people would have mixed views. It seems most people think it’s okay and sensible. I fall in the camp that’s it’s a bit crappy but not nasty so I’m glad some others agree and that I’m not an alien.

I’m (or my child) not worried or upset as some posters have suggested (just a reminder to check your internal misogyny) us women are allowed to ask questions and be mildly annoyed about something without being accused of being too emotional or overeating you know.

Also, some of the people that say they think it’s perfectly normal perhaps haven’t had it happen to them yet. I cancelled an appt we had booked for this play date and it is inconvenient. I didn’t mention it in the post because the Mum isn’t to know that I did that and really I chose to cancel it so that’s on me. However, I retain my opinion that it is actually a bit poor form to cancel something planned for a better offer.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
VividDeer · 19/07/2026 12:49

If it had been a whole class invite it was understandable. In this case the parent was rude

RocketLollyPolly · 19/07/2026 12:47

I wouldn’t have done it but if her own daughter was upset about missing the other party I can see why she did. The mistake she made, I think, was not coming up with an alternative date at the time of cancelling. It suggests she’s not actually going to reschedule

raquarita · 19/07/2026 12:42

Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 10:54

I would like to add that I am working really hard on building resilience in my children and that I have definitely handled this in a way that encourages that. I am also not planning on falling out with anyone, nor am I sat overthinking or upset. I have older children and certainly don’t let things like this upset me anymore. I was just curious as my OH thought it was really normal and I don’t.

Also, I think it’s easy to accuse OP of not teaching their children this and that (without any evidence that they haven’t) without thinking about what the other person could have taught their children. For example, I believe that part of being a good friend is sticking to a commitment you have made, not cancelling when you receive a better offer. I certainly would have used this a lesson for my child if it had been her get together. As it happens she allowed her child to attend something knowing that 2 of her friends she had made solid plans with weren’t invited to.

I don’t think you can say you’re not making a big deal out of it while making a big deal out of it by posting on the internet about it.

You’re really overthinking it. The other parent was quite within their rights to change the plan as their child had been invited elsewhere on the same day.

It’s a bit rude that they didn’t rebook it, but the parent doesn’t owe you or your daughter anything.

SallyD00lally · 19/07/2026 12:40

mondaytosunday · 19/07/2026 12:34

It’s certainly not standard behaviour. I think it’s poor if she had confirmed the most of children were still going. It’s like she cancelled her child’s own party for a better offer!

She's re-arranged her child's play date because the child has been invited to a party.

Really quite sensible imo.

And if the OP's DC had been invited to the party, I doubt she'd be annoyed at all.

Happyjoe · 19/07/2026 12:38

I take it the invite for the mini playdate later on still stands, so I don't get the problem at all. It kinda make sense that the bigger party took over but it's not cancellation, it's just pushed back.

I don't get the issue, certainly not one to worry about or get upset. It's fine, it's called life, plans change.

Wherewithout · 19/07/2026 12:37

That’s disappointing, I can understand that her daughter probably wanted to go to the party but it feels a bit mean that two girls ended up being left out. I think it might have
been nicer if she’d said let’s do it next weekend and actually got another date in the diary rather than a vague we’ll
rearrange at some point.

GoodViewOfThePeople · 19/07/2026 12:35

I think it was an ok thing to do. She didn’t lie or be sneaky about it and she said she will rearrange the little get together. I don’t this this is something your daughter needs to be resilient about - Although that would depend how it was prepared to her.

Im assuming it wasn’t changed that last minute as the party invite so it’s not like it was a last minute thing.

mondaytosunday · 19/07/2026 12:34

It’s certainly not standard behaviour. I think it’s poor if she had confirmed the most of children were still going. It’s like she cancelled her child’s own party for a better offer!

MexicanDaisy · 19/07/2026 12:29

PurpleThistle7 · 19/07/2026 12:10

This really doesn’t seem like a huge thing. It was a play date, easy to shift. I agree with your husband and would have just brushed it off without a massive conversation about it.

I agree, it was just a play date. As long as she communicated in a kind way eg sorry to let the girls down but lo would really like to attend party, pls can we rearrange ?

SallyD00lally · 19/07/2026 12:24

It wasn't even a party, it was a play date that got re-arranged.

Helpwithdivorce · 19/07/2026 12:23

I think it’s fine for the parent to cancel her own child’s party. She realised the day and time clashed with another party.

It would have been rude if you had pulled out of her party in favour of the bigger party.

SallyD00lally · 19/07/2026 12:19

It makes sense to me to rearrange the play date.

She was only inviting 3 kids and it's up to her when she does that.

It's not like your 8 year old is going to miss out, assuming she'll be re-invited on another day?

Original poster
Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 12:13

PurpleThistle7 · 19/07/2026 12:10

This really doesn’t seem like a huge thing. It was a play date, easy to shift. I agree with your husband and would have just brushed it off without a massive conversation about it.

Okay thanks. There was no massive conversation, a 5-10 minute chat with daughter who was absolutely fine and then a quick convo with OH (not husband) No-one in this house knows I’ve posted on here, I’m not upset, I’ve spoken to the other via text since and seen her twice. I’m merely looking for opinions but women just seem to think we’re all sat upset as soon as we do so, it’s really off putting.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 19/07/2026 12:10

This really doesn’t seem like a huge thing. It was a play date, easy to shift. I agree with your husband and would have just brushed it off without a massive conversation about it.

Original poster
Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 12:07

RocketLollyPolly · 19/07/2026 11:58

How old is your DD?

8

OP posts:
RocketLollyPolly · 19/07/2026 11:58

How old is your DD?

BettyJoanPerske · 19/07/2026 11:36

Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 11:35

A bit more detail would be helpful tbh. Like, YBU - the child should be allowed to cancel plans for something more exciting / expensive.

Show quote history

It's just one of those things. Your husband is correct, and you are making too big an issue of it.

Original poster
Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 11:35

BettyJoanPerske · 19/07/2026 11:27

YABU.

A bit more detail would be helpful tbh. Like, YBU - the child should be allowed to cancel plans for something more exciting / expensive.

OP posts:
BettyJoanPerske · 19/07/2026 11:27

YABU.

Original poster
Lilypad789 · 19/07/2026 10:54

I would like to add that I am working really hard on building resilience in my children and that I have definitely handled this in a way that encourages that. I am also not planning on falling out with anyone, nor am I sat overthinking or upset. I have older children and certainly don’t let things like this upset me anymore. I was just curious as my OH thought it was really normal and I don’t.

Also, I think it’s easy to accuse OP of not teaching their children this and that (without any evidence that they haven’t) without thinking about what the other person could have taught their children. For example, I believe that part of being a good friend is sticking to a commitment you have made, not cancelling when you receive a better offer. I certainly would have used this a lesson for my child if it had been her get together. As it happens she allowed her child to attend something knowing that 2 of her friends she had made solid plans with weren’t invited to.

OP posts:
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