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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to step back from a long friendship without explanation?

62 replies

Bluebottle111 · 18/07/2026 19:57

Name change as this is definitely outing!

Sadly, I think my friendship of 15+ years is ending. WIBU to just cut away, or do I owe her an explanation?

My friend Hannah and I see each other usually once a year and we’ve always had a lot fun. However, for the past 9 years it has been me always traveling with the kids to hers, around 5 hours drive away. I have children, animals and am a single parent. It is just her and her partner, but there have always been excuses as to why she cannot travel to me.

In April this year we agreed to come to her for her birthday in November, something we haven’t done before. Unfortunately this now clashes with a family wedding and as it’s a close relative I will be going to that. In May I phoned my friend to explain and apologise, and suggested we come to see her before the start of school in late August. She said she was very upset and disappointed, but understood and was looking forward to the alternative visit.

A mutual friend got in touch 2 weeks ago to say that Hannah is seriously angry with me about her birthday weekend, and suggested that I stop contacting Hannah for a while. Hannah has been badmouthing me and said that she doesn’t want to hear from me. Screenshots have confirmed that she’s said some awful things about me. Mutual friend doesn’t live near either of us and is not aware- I think- that I am due to be visiting in just over a months’ time. Hannah has said nothing to me about cancelling, despite me updating her over May when I booked animal sitters, accommodation and trains, sending likes as I messaged her with little updates all that time.

I feel blindsided and like a complete mug. Why let me make all this effort if she’s so angry that she doesn’t even want to be in contact by text? Since I’ve stopped messaging I’ve heard nothing back from Hannah.

I won’t be going to see her, obviously, and thankfully am not much out of pocket, but I’m not sure whether to message Hannah and tell her that I won’t be coming, or do I just wait until she gets in touch with me- if she ever does? AIBU to just cut away?

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 18/07/2026 22:28

So you were having normal contact with Hannah - and then someone else told you this story?

I know you said there are screenshots, but are you sure they're genuine? Because it sounds like this person contacted you out of the blue to tell you the story.

I'm a bit stunned that you've always been doing the travelling for nine years but the main concern at the moment is to establish whether or not what you've been told by third-party is true.

Original poster
Bluebottle111 · 18/07/2026 22:23

plims · 18/07/2026 20:10

I would stop contact, but I would absolutely tell her why. She needs to be told exactly why what she has done is unacceptable.

This was my thinking. I didn’t put it very well in the OP as I clearly don’t owe her an explanation or anything else. You’ve put it much better, she needs to understand that this isn’t how friends behave, ever.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebottle111 · 18/07/2026 22:19

RoseField1 · 18/07/2026 20:05

I would just keep my silence and see if she reaches out. Do you have copies of those screenshots?

Yes, our mutual friend sent me screenshots when I asked what sort of things Hannah had been saying.

OP posts:
WhisperingHi · 18/07/2026 20:38

I’d be honest.

“Friend, I’m so disappointed to see the messages you’ve sent to mutual friend. I can’t believe you think of me like that after such a long friendship. There’s no going back for me, so I won’t be able to come next month, it’s a shame but I hear you loud and clear. All the best “. Then block.

She must be so incredibly self centred to react like she has.

JavierBardemswife · 18/07/2026 20:35

Bloody hell OP, I'd be going scorched earth on someone meant to be one of my closest friends who not only bad mouthed me to others, bitched about me behind my back and sent cruel messages about me.

Good grief- I'd be cutting her out of my life so fast her stupid princess head would spin. She'd be dead to me for that. Absolutely dead to me.

GoodViewOfThePeople · 18/07/2026 20:32

Wow, your mutual friend sounds a trouble maker. You need to speak to Hannah.

chirrupybird · 18/07/2026 20:14

Tell her what you have heard and seen and see how she responds.

plims · 18/07/2026 20:10

I would stop contact, but I would absolutely tell her why. She needs to be told exactly why what she has done is unacceptable.

OriginalSkang · 18/07/2026 20:09

I would never speak to her again, personally

Gardenisablooming · 18/07/2026 20:07

She's an entitled madam isn't she ? Way too much drama.

Be even less available.
Like 12th of never...

RoseField1 · 18/07/2026 20:05

I would just keep my silence and see if she reaches out. Do you have copies of those screenshots?

IDontHateRainbows · 18/07/2026 20:01

I'd be waiting for her to contact you first.