Autism vs trans - clashing views

What do you mean “not going to go well”?
are all those who are saying that children must engage with this ideology also in agreement that if a child comes into school and now says that before and after lunch they will say grace, and all children who sit with them must also. Any child who does not join in saying grace or will not sit at the table with this child.. it “will not go well for” the school will enforce this.

It’s not bullying or abuse.

I maintain that answering bullying with more bullying - both of which in this case is coming from the parents, not the children - is neither a healthy nor constructive approach.

Nobody is saying you shouldn’t call someone by their chosen pronouns. If you chose to adopt the practices of any belief system of course you should be free to do so.

The objection is to expecting others to do likewise.

Yes you are right, I was not 100 percent comfortable with using his new female name. That’s why I described it as a compromise. By definition, in compromises people are doing things that ideally they would not, but draw the line at things that they find intolerable.

I accepted the name thing ( though in practice never referred to the individual by their name in front of them and used his male name when talking one to one about him to others. No one in my organisation believed this individual was a TW, everyone knew he was a deeply troubled individual. In fact, come to think of it although I told my manager I would use his new name, but would not refer to him as she/her, I am not sure I ever did use his chosen name in practice ) as the gendered nature of names is a cultural convention. Sex is not. Pronouns reflect the reality of sex that millennia of evolution have programmed us to identify on sight with near 100 percent accuracy, at least for those who have gone through puberty .

I also did not want to use this individual’s chosen pronouns as it was clear that transitioning, especially medically, would solve none of his many problems but would just add on more. I did not want to play any part in enabling that and not using wrong sex pronouns was part of that. Using wrong sex pronouns is not a neutral or harmless act.

Coercively bullying a child to lie and pretend reality doesn't exist is abuse. HTH

Nah. Avoiding a fantasist whose parents are toxic, coercive, dangerous bullies is a great strategy.

It's a pity the other kid can't be helped because of people like you, but OP can only protect her own son.

YABU. My son is also autistic and really doesn’t like change, quite black and white in his thinking, struggles socially a lot. But fully accepts 2 family members who have changed names and pronouns. He did ask why of course, which is a fair question and we said to him that this is what they wanted and it’s important to respect that as we don’t want people we love to feel unhappy and excluded. He loves them both and so agrees with this. There’s a kid in his school in fact who he doesn’t like at all, who changed their name and pronouns. Son calls them by their new name and pronouns.

I guess what I’m saying is you’re not doing your child any favours by giving him a pass because of his autism.

Until I know someone’s name these days I just call everyone “thingy”.

I'd tell him to proceed with respect and kindness and treat people how he himself hopes to be treated.

The amount of posters accusing others of bullying a child while encouraging the OP to advise her son to completely shun and ignore another child is absolutely wild.

I'd just explain that some people believe they can change sex, but that this isn't true, and your classmate is still the same person underneath. And if you don't want to call them a boy or call them he/him then don't, just use their name. You don't have to be friends but you do have to be polite.

Poor kid. Try to get him away from these toxic people if possible.

Honestly, Id ask the school to move him to a new class for the new school year (assuming you are northern hemisphere!) You DC is going to find this tricky, the other kids could use this as a reason to bully him if he isn't referring to the trans DC right and you've said the parents are already a nightmare.

I wouldn't be fine with them insisting upon discussing the religion of transology at all and would completely avoid them forevermore. But if forced to refer to them, using the invented name is not pretending I believe in their religion and is just barely tolerable. Whereas being gaslighted into pretending they're the opposite sex is abusive, cruel and intolerable.

20 years ago my friend named her daughter Jordan, typically a boy's name in that time and place. But a name not an acceptance of a fantasy, so Jordan it was

It should be illegal at this age as a 12 year old can’t decide whether they like chips/peas, let alone their gender.

Coercing children to use wrong sex pronouns is cruel and abusive.

No of course using a name isn't remotely the same as being forced to lie about reality.

Really- so if your colleague, formerly Peter, now asks to be called Jane, you’d be fine with using Jane, but not calling them she/ her?

I was typing quickly! I can assure you that I do understand the difference, and the OP’s post was really clear.

Well it’s not going to go well if your DC refers to a trans boy as ‘she’. Either avoid pronouns or use their preferred ones. Accepting the person’s pronoun choices and accepting that sex change is possible are two different things.

Well, actually he is. Even if this child has surgery they don't magically change sex.

Tough one- crap for all the kids involved.

Part of being trans is accepting that you cannot force - either through bullying or the law - other people to see you as the sex you would prefer to be.

The sooner the kid learns that the better their life will be.

Well this post is a good example of the confusion that exists in this whole sorry mess

OP describes a trans boy. That means she is a girl who says (at the moment) that she thinks she is a boy.

This is how whole swathes of areas of London where English is not the first language ended up with apparently high numbers of trans people because people didnt understand the question on some survey or something, might even have been the census, I cant recall now.

No of course using a name isn't remotely the same as being forced to lie about reality.

Transology is already on the way out.

And provided you're not trying to coercively abuse, bully, harass or terrorise anyone else into participating in the fantasy, you do you.