Autism vs trans - clashing views

Personally I agree with your son.

But I think this comes down to the school’s policy. If the school have said that their policy is that preferred pronouns should be used then, TBH, that’s the end of this unless you take it up with the school and the policy changes (and this seems very unlikely). Maybe explain it to your son in those terms if it helps him understand. Like there are quite a few school policies which I disagree with (school uniform, some other things that teachers do) but if I ask the school to take my kids I have to accept that those are the rules and either live with them, try to change them at the school level or choose a different school.

So I would, in the first instance, speak to the school about this and double check exactly what their position is.

To me there’s also an issue of personal respect, in that I might not agree with a person’s choices but unless they harm me in a significant way I will not be rude/ disrespectful to them.

The reality is that unless he does what the school has asked he’s just going to keep getting in trouble (especially if the school
know he’s doing it deliberately) and ironically probably entrench the child- there is nothing some trans people like more than an identity fight!

😂hysterical

I cannot think of a time I have ever used pronouns with my friends. I’ve always just called them by their name. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You can treat someone with respect without agreeing with their views. It’s a good life skill to master!

Don’t be ridiculous!

Children with autism need to be guided and helped to manage social situations. There can be quite black and white thinking, if he is encouraged to handle a situation like this bluntly then he may well handle all situations in the same way which can lead to trouble and social isolation.

You’re weaponising autism and trans children for your own aims which is vile.

Young people are far more inclusive than MN- thankfully!

Well I'd firstly correct what you've said to him and explain that not even surgery will change your sex. It will just leave you mutilated.

How do you go about dealing with religion generally? Presumably he knows not to tell Christian schoolmates that it's all made up?

Wow, the trans hating replies to this thread are fucking bonkers.

Genuinely horrifyingly.

You are promoting the coercive abuse of Ops child. No, of course the answer is not to coercively bully children into participating in fantasies and gaslighting them by forcing them to lie and pretend reality doesn't exist.

Utter tripe and horrifyingly harmful.

Ignore this post of course OP.

Explain that the child is attention seeking with abusive parents that nobody has ever changed sex in all history, that there's no way to feel like a boy or girl because we are our bodies and whatever sex you're born however you feel is normal for that sex. Explain that the child can fantasise as they wish but that your son definitely doesn't have to be abusively forced into to participating in the fantasy. Then stay well, well away from these toxic people.

We're nearly at the end of the latest societal madness, history is filled with similar societal mass insanity - see The Glass King, lobotomies, "Satanist" moral panics and repressed memory popularity. The internet has prolonged this particular bizarre fad, but just keep him away from the gendered soul transologists for a few more years and forcing people to adhere to fantasy language or be abused will be back to a dark fantasy corner, where it belongs.

I might be an outlier here. I am not pro trans and am very against trsnsitioning under age and in most cases in afulthood but is it going to hurt to call someone by their prefered Christian name?
Pronouns is tricky.
Your don should decide for himself but steel him for any backlash.

No it doesn’t, don’t be ridiculous.

I’m the mother of 3 AuDHD children with AuDHD nephews and nieces. Op I would work hard at helping your son to be polite and kind in his difference of opinions. It’s an important skill he will need to learn which can be difficult for teens with AuDHD ie bluntness can lead to trouble and social isolation.

It’s quite concerning the number of adults who are determined on forcing a child using coercive control into lying about reality.
the be kind movement are terrifying really.

Stand up for him, he's absolutely right. This is how it all started with my AuDHD DS about 7 or 8 years ago too. Within a couple of years he was identifying as trans himself. This week we found out he's taking opposite-sex hormones. I thoroughly hate this cult.

theparadoxinstitute.org/articles/harms-of-cross-sex-hormones

Best to attempt to completely avoid these toxic people and only refer to the other child by name when forced to address them at all. The parents will increase the coercion and bullying if they sniff out dissent from the party line and unfortunately, you can't help the child.

This is the best solution; tell him to avoid her, don’t talk up her, don’t talk about her. I’d be concerned if my AuDHD child was to spend much time with her anyway, with the link between autism and trans, it spreads as a response to feeling different.

My DHs niece is now a trans man. I like this person but I cannot say he, I use their name.
This might be difficult for an autistic 12 year old to do though.

I do also some times slip up and say she. I am human. The person doesn’t mind and understands.

It's not really nice though. Probably better for the classmate to accept early on that some people won't see her as male or use male pronouns and be fine with that, than live in a bubble of affirmation, and be shocked and hurt by "misgendering" later in life.
The more people there are who prop up the lie not wanting to be the "unkind" one, the more it will hurt when it comes crashing down.

I have two asd sons. You need to simply state the person has changed their pronouns based on their brain and what they feel on the inside. Say their body doesnt match their outside parts.

for some things I just tell my son its a rule. We live in a reciprocal, social society and he has to make attenpts to understand and respect otgers. He doesnt need to agree thats not relevant it just is. The same goes for sexism, racism, agism. There are certain topics I have told my son just are and have to be accepted based on rules.

He can hold a private view about trans issues and still use the preferred pronouns.

isn’t this a bit like saying a Muslim can hold their private views about pork but must still eat it?

However, it's fine to simply avoid them and not be forced to participate in the fantasy. Most people now do.

In ten years time it will be completely over.

Maybe more recently they are rejecting it but the damage is done and won’t be undone for a long time.

No, it's not. Children are rejecting the delusional en masse, society too, you're seeing a few loud bullies demanding compliance, most disagree, walk away and avoid. The damaging fantasy participation is on its last legs.

But as the parents are toxic and dangerous I've suggested avoiding them all and only using the child's name to avoid harming her own son by forcing him to lie and participate in the fantasy.

The reality is the coercive bullying parents would not win any legal challenge and OP would. But it would take its toll, so best to simply avoid the toxic parents and avoid forcing her son to lie about reality.

That’s the world we live in, like it or lump it, we’ve allowed it get out of control, we’ve allowed the movement infiltrate vulnerable children, DD has a group of friends who have gender identity issues, they’re all on the spectrum, they grew up feeling like misfits before the trans movement convinced them they were feeling this way as they were in the wrong body, the child in this situation is to be pitied as the adults in society allowed this happen, it’s not about bullying another child into lying, that’s literally the tip of a very big iceberg, one that adults in society has pushed on children.

I’m not suggesting that anyone should ever be unkind.