To feel upset by MILs message about separation

MIL is making it clear that her priority in this situation is supporting her son and her granddaughter, and that she'll keep openly communicating about her granddaughter only.

Yep. And if you're going to read into her short message @Havealittlepatienc3 read a positive into that. She's basically said that she won't interfere into your decision. She's not going to grill you about her son, or ask you about the marriage and separation. Basically she's not going to give you the grief that some MILs would.

I think people are missing the implication that op is to blame for the difficult time son and granddaughter are going through. Like op has caused upset for her own child by ending the marriage and it's up to nanny to support granddaughter through the difficult time.
That's how I would read it too.

I don’t think she’s being remotely unreasonable. However MIL is feeling, it wouldn’t have been too big a reach to express some concern for OP. That’s all.

She doesn’t have to get involved further, she can still put her DS first. If MIL has previously had a good relationship with her DIL, she can surely have some concern for her wellbeing now.

You said there was nothing horrid in the relationship. You decided to leave. You put your happiness first. Totally your right. However, you have to live with the consequences, which for your dd and your husband and your MIL means you walked away from a normal, albeit mundane family. Surely you can see that? You can only put yourself first without any moral consequences if you are single. You have to face moral consequences if you are part of a family, I am afraid. Try to see it from their point of view.

My brother did just that - he walked away from a wife because 'he fell out of love with her'. So he put himself first, ruining the lives of the two children in the process. Just saying.

@Havealittlepatienc3 "we will keep communicating about DD but that is all. I need time and space to support my son and granddaughter through this very difficult and emotional transitional period.’"

I think, only 2 weeks on, that is quite a calm, sane and considered response. It doesn't close any doors for your future relationship.

Okay. But she's being unreasonable to do so and to judge her MIL for it so early in the process. .

She hasn’t said that at all. Why are some women on here so unkind & unfair to a poster going through a tough time and looking for support?

It is difficult. MIL has been hugely affected and her son, who she previously thought was in a happy relationship with her DIL, and grandchild is suddenly back home living under her roof. It takes a long time to adjust. MIL is adjusting to having adult son back, Adult son is adjusting to being back in the parental home. It takes time.

Whatever happened there’s a new reality. Separation is hard. You lean on your family and friends, let him lean on his. This will have affected MIL hard. Like I said before, give her time. She didn’t cause this, she’s doing what any loyal loving parent would do.

But you judged?

It isn’t hard, if you’re a decent adult, to send a message with a modicum of care for everyone involved. It doesn’t have to be lengthy or deep. But it can reference how difficult it is for everyone and that she hopes OP is doing ok. That’s all.

This ^^. She's prioritizing her child. If your DD ever goes through something like this, you'll prioritize her too. It's very difficult.

This. You’ve said There were other issues, nothing inherently ‘bad’, but bad enough that I just couldn’t waste any more time in that marriage
so you’ve said you’re wasting time with him, and want to be on to the next thing…. But you expect her to take your side?

Yes. She said nothing wrong I’m afraid. She is supporting her child. She is upset, he is upset and you can’t force her to be OK with you to make you feel better or because you thought the split was the right thing to do.

She’s not privy to the ins and outs all she knows is her son and granddaughter are hurting and she needs him to know she’s on his side.

Bless you. This is literally how I felt when I broke up with the father of my child. I felt like I'd lost a family. They didn't do anything wrong, that was just how it felt at the time. From their side, I was their family that they felt like they had lost, which upset them, whilst trying to support their son/my ex. Things settled after a few months and we started to speak normally again.

A few years on, everything is good. I see them and spend time with them just as friends. Give it time x

I think her mentioning that she's supporting your granddaughter too is just for completeness.

I don't think she's having a a dig at you or suggesting that you are leaving him to maliciously hurt your daughter, but your daughter will be hurt by your split and your MIL is making it clear that her priority in this situation is supporting her son and her granddaughter, and that she'll keep openly communicating about her granddaughter only.

I think it's actually really helpful that she's set the boundaries. Now you know where you stand, and not to overstep/lean on her as the mother figure you've seen her as for the last 14 years. Which I can appreciate is really sad for you, but unfortunately that's how it goes!

I don't understand what's wrong with a grandmother supporting her granddaughter? There's a little girl here whose home has just been torn apart. Of course she needs support.

Surely it’s clear from her op she ended it.

I suspect that two weeks in is too early for that to happen. Especially when OP is the one that ended the marriage.

Everyone needs time to adjust and to manage their emotions right now.

Did your husband want to separate or was it your decision? Sadly she will hear one side and if your husband didn’t truly want to separate she will be hearing his side. Hopefully in time relationships can be repaired and you can remain friends with your exh and his family

Clearly her husband is hurt, she’s living with it. You’ve no idea what he’s told his mother, so yeah, I assume it is hard sometimes, don’t rush to judge,

Card? Children aren't pawns, FFS.

Of course she has the ‘right’ 🙄

She can respond and react to the message anyway she wants to.

It’s really not. It’s not difficult not to send a cold, uncaring message. It doesn’t mean not supporting her own son, it means having some care for everyone involved, especially given the previous good relationship.

Two weeks in, I don't think there's much else you can expect, realistically. You initiated the separation, presumably he didn't want it, so of course she's on his side.
You really don't have the right to pick apart her message and be offended by what she said about your DD. She'll be sad for her grandchild, so of course she's going to want to step up for her as well. She's her grandma.

If my DD and son in law split up, I'd be sad for my grandchildren too, and expect to have to field questions from them or reassure them.

I would support all of them. The reason is my dil would still be the mum of my grandchild. That might mean meeting at sports day, or nativity plays, or at the rugby, and what about weddings, funerals etc . . .?

I would support my son (and grandchild) if his wife ended their marriage.