AIBU for getting frustrated with DP for inserting themselves in situations between toddler and I

I'd pull my partner up for snapping at our child too.

I agree DP shouldn't have stepped in at that time. For many reasons, one being if a person is being snappy or short tempered for whatever reason it's pretty stupid to choose that moment to discuss their parenting style unless you really want an argument. Also criticising you in front of the child is wrong.. but you were wrong to snap too. Kids need endless patience at that age. Next time direct the child to the other self claimed empathetic parent.

Also there is a difference between a curious child questioning everything and an attention seeking child asking the same thing over and over and not listening to the replies. If it's the second, you'll both need to agree on a method of stopping this bad habit developing.

Just refer them to DP or answer the questions

Can’t you learn to zone her out as background noise and develop a neutral sound in response to her babble? Uh huh, okay, yes, no etc… they’re much older before they realise you’re not properly listening to them 🤣

LOL. Myself is amused by this.

He refers to the darling partner as herself and her.

I think intervention in the moment is important because it helps the child not internalize the idea that they deserve to be treated like that.

So what are the common occurrences then?

No because it/they/borrower/dragon then is he in the next sentence. The bullshit is seeping into everyday language, like when thick people refer to themselves as myself to sound clever. Just use the fucking words!

I’m assuming two mums. But could be a male poster.

If it was my husband snapping at the kids I'd tell him he's being a dick. Yes the whyyyyyys are boring as fuck sometimes but seriously you need to grow up. He's not your parent, he doesn't need to back you up

I can't past the gender labels. Why is DP themselves (plural) and then he and child is just she? Small point but it matters.

She’s 3. She does need to question everything all the time. That’s her job!

How stern is stern?

If you don’t want to keep answering questions there’s a whole host of things you can do beyond telling your toddler not to question everything. Even “why don’t you ask your dad that one” would surely help more as it redirects toddler, gives you a break and engages him into the conversation.
Its not nice to have our flaws pointed out but sometimes when you have you’re being unnecessarily harsh to your child I think it’s reasonable for the other parent to point it out so it stops.

So you expect perfection from your DP, but not from yourself? You bit your child’s head off, your DP presumably bit yours off in defence of your child. You really should be concentrating on why you’re losing your rag with your child.

In your op you said this happens as a “common occurrence”. So if you are snappy at your child that frequently, I don’t blend your DP for calling you out on it. At least your kid knows one parent is supportive.

If it's a common occurrence you're snapping way too much. Instead of questioning your DP's behaviour you need to learn to manage your own emotions. If someone was regularly snapping at my 3 yo I'd be defending my child too.

OP, do clarify if you are two women. Also, is your partner your child's other parent?

Is your girlfriend the child's mother? You shouldn't have snapped at your child and the woman wouldn't have need to intervene.
You didn't need to argue with your girlfriend.
Learn how to manage your temper and patience and read up on child development and how to best parent different stages.

Yeah I would have told my partner to watch their tone if they had snapped at my toddler for being curious after only the twentieth time. You need a lot more patience than that. I like to ask mine why they think something happens when they say why - you get a good insight into their mind and it also stops the pattern of questioning.

It wasn’t a great idea to criticise the toddler for this, but terrible overall that your partner interfered , and that she criticised you in front of the child.

@Whatsitallaboot - I think you were a bit harsh with your dd, but no-one is perfect, and sometimes we react in the moment, less patiently than is ideal. I also think it is not unreasonable to show your dd that you are human, and that your patience is not limitless. In this situation, I think you should apologise to your dd - tell her you were tired and didn’t react as patiently as you should have - and that, in the future, if you are getting to that point again, you will ask her to hold the questions for a while, so you can catch your breath.

The other part of the situation - the intervention of your dp - I think they were in the wrong, not for what they said, but for saying it in front of your dd - I think parents should back each other up in front of the child (except in severe circumstances), and then should address any questions about parenting with their partner when the child isn’t there.