Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents to ND children - how were you able to distinguish between ‘normal’ toddler behaviour and ND traits?

34 replies

user0512 · 18/07/2026 12:02

Hi,

My DD is 2.5 years old and I’m really struggling atm. Initially I didn’t want to jump in and say I think she’s ND because she was too young when I noticed behaviours but with time it’s become more and more apparent.

As a baby she was mostly late with social and communication milestones (waving, clapping, pointing etc). She pointed extremely late and I’d be frantically researching about it because it can be an early sign of ND.

She struggled with pretend play at first and then was able to engage in it with her dolls but I’ve now noticed that she has regressed and no longer engages in a ‘NT’ way with her toys. She needs a lot of reassurance, and wants to always be by my side. She uses her hair or mine for sensory feedback and she also still constantly puts things in her mouth. Even at nursery she prefers to stand with the adults. She does sometimes play with her peers but again, this isn’t that often, she struggled with transitions at home and nursery and needs to have pre-warning and plenty of reassurance and even then we have melt downs.

She does make eye contact and is quite talkative and I think for this reason the HV isn’t concerned but I’m just trying to work out how to work out if it’s just a toddler stage or it’s early signs of ND.

For context, her dad is ND, my sister is, my nephew might be and other people in both our families are.

I’m not expecting her to be perfect, I know she’s a toddler and toddlers do test boundaries but it feels constant with her. Even a day out if just her constantly wanting to be carried by me and crying constantly, even going to the supermarket this is the case. I expect the tantrums when she doesn’t want to leave the park or if she can’t have cake for breakfast but when we went to CBeebies land a few days ago I noticed that other children her age were a bit more regulated whereas she was constantly in met down mode the whole time.

Sorry, I’ve posted on this board for more traffic.

OP posts:
Givemeausernamepls · 18/07/2026 13:31

I didn’t cos it was all normal to me. My 3rd is 3 years old and whilst very different to his siblings he is also without a doubt ND.

ND becomes more pronounced as they get older as everything you describe is normal 2 year old behaviour (as well as ND traits)

My 3 year old is 100% ND; sensory issues, transition between tasks, wanting to dictate / control all the time, and issues with food, seems to be a real struggle with the ‘demand’ of sitting at the table and has always been this way. Melt downs if he cannot control / dictate. He needs careful parenting and really strong boundaries. Seems to respond best to: the rules are…

Cityslickers · 18/07/2026 13:19

I completely understand wanting to know if your child is ND or not but realistically it does take time to become clear unless children are non verbal / other significant concerns.

Would it really make a difference if you were told she is autistic? It becomes clearer at school age imo.

Octavia64 · 18/07/2026 13:17

I couldn’t

neither can most doctors until they are older unless it’s really profound (no speech, no comms etc).

my dd was diagnosed much later.

if you are worried about it then parent as if ND.

it won’t harm her and it helps with a lot of children who have sensory sensitivities etc.

Loulou4022 · 18/07/2026 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
user0512 · 18/07/2026 12:25

@TheCurious0range it’s very hard to constantly be told that it’s just her being a toddler when you see toddlers on a daily basis and you can see that they’re not all as dysregulated. Going to CBeebies land with her was a real eye opener in terms of how many other children were there and how you could see the melt downs in the gift shop for instance for a particular toy (completely normal imo) but the NEEDING to be carried and it having to be just by one person and even then crying and being irritated and interestingly the part she loved was the little sensory area. But after we came out of there she became dysregulated again. I’m not expecting a diagnosis so soon but I do need support as I feel like things are getting worse. I can’t even make her dinner without her screaming and crying for me. She was walking on the sofa before and could clearly see the sofa ends but again, no sense of awareness of danger she was about to just run off of the end of the sofa. I love her to bits I really do, I want to be able to support her and I know there’s no magic pill but I’d love some strategies on how to manage and for that I need a doctor or the HV to acknowledge this doesn’t fall within the ‘normal’ developmental behaviours range. The nursery can see it too, although we’ve acknowledged she’s still young for a formal diagnosis yet, but they can see wha I’m talking about too.

OP posts:
Obanotters · 18/07/2026 12:15

You could look at MCHAT, this is a screening tool not a diagnostic one so can give an idea but a positive or negative outcome is not definitive: www.mchatscreen.com

TheCurious0range · 18/07/2026 12:15

I suspected DS was ND from around the same age and people told me it was just normal development, but I just knew. He didn't sleep through the night until 3, it's like he's on turbo from the minute he wakes up, he talks constantly. He jumps and flaps his hand when excited. He's actually very social and spoke at a young age and was always confident talking to adults and children but to the extent where he's missing social cues. He could also remember facts to a degree where people would comment. His emotional reactions have always been very big despite having quite good emotional intelligence and understanding of how others are feeling. All I would get from PIL was oh he's just like DH at that age. I suspected DH was also ND, DH has since been diagnosed as AuDHD and ds (now 7) is on the pathway but every doctor and teacher who has met him in the last couple of years, you say we suspect he is ND and they say oh yes you can see that. It's also showing itself in other ways in school dysgraphia is suspected but his reading and comprehension is way beyond his years. In my area they won't address for ADHD until 7, autism can be younger if there is family history, so just watch and wait and talk to the staff who work with her

EarlofShrewsbury · 18/07/2026 12:10

It's really hard to tell at that age unless it's profound.

This is why a lot of authorities don't refer for assessment until 5 years old.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/07/2026 12:07

Honestly, I didn't. I knew dd2 had more sensory difficulties than the average kid, but I wasn't sure until she was older that it was related to autism.

Swipe left for the next trending thread