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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to challenge OUT OF CONTROL parents group chat?

255 replies

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 09:54

My 2 kids go to pretty decent school where the group chat is intertwined with class reps and PTFA. Theres around 90 parent members in each chat. My issue is not only the relentless money grab opportunities but the inconsiderate few who seem to think that messaging at 6am on Saturday mornings and sometimes gone midnight on a Friday evening to ask ridiculous stuff they could have directly asked one parent or a rep rather than 90 people is completely unacceptable? Where are peoples sense of boundaries, common sense and general respect? I’ve silenced before for holidays but all you see the minute you open your phone is 30 messages about school lunches or a fundraiser. I’m due to have a baby next week so have decided to remove myself from both chats for the time being for my own sanity but would it be unreasonable to contact the school come September and request that the group chat become more regulated? Say from 7am to 9pm on a school night for example and limited on weekends? Direct questions go to a rep? I get all parents have a morning panic from time to time for example but I’ve honestly never experience the sheer volume or anything like this before. One week we were sent the same advert for a group event over 15 times. It became literal spam and random parents were reposting the message/ad through like we hadn’t received it 45 mins ago? I’ll always help and support where I can - make donations and bake etc. I’m not against trying to make improvements but this next level. It does quieten down for holidays for a bit but always select few who just don’t give a damn! It might sound ridiculous but it actually gets me down sometimes- I feel completely and utterly harassed.i know a few other parents feel the same but nobody is brave enough to speak up or go against the status quo. There will now be incessant messaging for the entire weekend due an event taking place tomorrow (as there is most weekends). Should I be that person?

OP posts:
ThisSereneGoose · 18/07/2026 16:32

Overthehillmum63 · 18/07/2026 15:04

We had nothing like this when my kids were at school and we all survived. Just look at it now and then.

and people survive without running water, electricity and surgery otherwise we wouldn't be here today.

Fabulous.

beAsensible1 · 18/07/2026 16:11

As the group moderator at most or get them to pin the house rules. I’d just mute it.

you don’t have to open it.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 18/07/2026 15:16

Midnight or 6am might be the time they have to settle down and catch up on WhatsApp, people should be able to message whenever is convenient to them - we all have busy lives and need to do what works for us. Go on silent if you don’t want to know about it.

Overthehillmum63 · 18/07/2026 15:04

We had nothing like this when my kids were at school and we all survived. Just look at it now and then.

FeetupTvon · 18/07/2026 14:57

I agree- archive it.

Dalesway · 18/07/2026 14:56

I’ve muted the chat in the past however it doesn’t stop it displaying on my phone.

If you mute you shouldn't see anything related to the that specific chat displaying on your phone unless you open WhatsApp and even then it will just show in your chat list as muted with the number of unread messages next to it. I've muted a couple of groups that now have hundreds of unread messages that I'm blissfully unaware of and no unwanted notifications popping up.

Imisssleep88 · 18/07/2026 14:51

The chat is nothing to do with the school. If it bugs you leave or silence the notifications for it, simple. I mute our nursery chat as it's full on. I get up at 4am and I never message then even if answering a question I wait till 7am but as mine are muted it doesn't wake me anyway

RedToothBrush · 18/07/2026 14:41

Anotherdisposableusername · 18/07/2026 14:36

In a nutshell.

I dip in and out of groups, as and when I have time and interest. Sometimes school ones can be a lifesaver around last minute panics for parents so I'm glad it's there as a resource - I know a single working mum with 4 kids, including twins and one in special school! I would never resent her needing to fire questions off sometimes about eg a school trip or home clothes day. I'm glad she has the chat to ask! If I don't have time, or just cba, I don't open the chat.

Isn't that what you're meant to do?

Our parents chat regularly goes off at 10 or 11. This is when parents have finally got all their shit for the day done and sit down and look at their phone and go "shit what do I need to do for tomorrow, I've completely forgotten x, y or z".

I'm usually good at keeping on top of it, but at the end of year 6 quite honestly I don't think there's one of us who has managed to keep up with the school information overload.

Anotherdisposableusername · 18/07/2026 14:36

canklesmctacotits · 18/07/2026 14:00

You want 90+ people to change the way they use WhatsApp, but it hasn’t occurred to you to change the way you use WhatsApp Confused

In a nutshell.

I dip in and out of groups, as and when I have time and interest. Sometimes school ones can be a lifesaver around last minute panics for parents so I'm glad it's there as a resource - I know a single working mum with 4 kids, including twins and one in special school! I would never resent her needing to fire questions off sometimes about eg a school trip or home clothes day. I'm glad she has the chat to ask! If I don't have time, or just cba, I don't open the chat.

Isn't that what you're meant to do?

Trictactosa · 18/07/2026 14:32

WhatsApps you want to know about, keep in current folder unmuted.

WhatsApps you check once a day, keep in current folder muted.

WhatsApps that are more to browse once a week, or ask a q occassionally, archive them.

Or just keep WhatsApp off and have a browse once a day with a cuppa.

It's quite relaxing once done, and you stay connected yet not harangued.

Icecreamandcoffee · 18/07/2026 14:21

Just mute the chat and ignore. Our chat is pretty active. I have do not disturb on my phone from 10pm until 7.30am so no messages come through.

If I can't be bothered with the school chat, I mute the group so you don't get the notifications.

WiseLeader · 18/07/2026 14:10

To be honest I wouldnt let this bother me. Id quietly think to myself these parents are over the top but it would not get me down. It is only a group chat not personal. Just keep it silent and do not reply.

AxolotlEars · 18/07/2026 14:10

cestlavielife · 18/07/2026 09:58

Don't be silly. You just need to regulate your use of it. Put on silent. Skim thru at a time that suits you in case anything important.

This!
The school may have other things to do

SadiraOfTyr · 18/07/2026 14:08

I don’t get why you care at what time a WhatsApp message is sent. You are not required to read messages, emails, or even the post at the moment they are delivered. You read them at your leisure, or indeed not at all if you so choose.

I receive Slack messages at all times of the day and night, and at weekends, from work colleagues, many of them in different timezones. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest - I check them on Monday morning and answer the ones I consider important.

Seahorse8888 · 18/07/2026 14:06

The school will not be connected with the whats app group - its a parent who set it up and add people as and when. The school will not get involved as its not a school whats app!
Rather than archiving the chat - you need to hide. Archiving keeps the chat at the top and you will see how many notifications there are and I would want to click it to see what was on there. Hiding pushes the chat to the bottom of your messages so you don't see it.

Also, I would send message at 6am or midnight - I would assume everyone has their phone on silent or DND over night. I will send messages anytime as will forget otherwise.

Magnificentkitteh · 18/07/2026 14:06

I really don't understand why it matters what time people post. Someone on our chat always does a snark face with the time if someone posts late and I have no idea why. Just don't check it when it's not convenient surely? As far the number of posts, meh. Sounds a bit annoying but equally you sound a bit dramatic about it. Who cares really?

Figgygal · 18/07/2026 14:02

Christ woman just mute it
You're being ridiculous

canklesmctacotits · 18/07/2026 14:00

You want 90+ people to change the way they use WhatsApp, but it hasn’t occurred to you to change the way you use WhatsApp Confused

TheDenimPoet · 18/07/2026 14:00

Mute or archive. Check it once a day to make sure you've not missed anything important. Other than that, don't let it take up any more of your time.

AgnesMcDoo · 18/07/2026 13:59

No. If you don’t like it leave it. or mute it.

or get your DH to be the WhatsApp parent.

But you don’t get to tell other adults how to converse.

KnowledgeableAvocado · 18/07/2026 13:57

Just archive it or mute it. But you don't need to announce your departure. Incredibly useful, especially in an emergency. Our school had lost power or water, can't remember which, but the text message the school sent didn't come through to my phone as i had poor signal in my house. But the WhatsApp chat started pinging to say what had happened and did anyone need their child picking up. I chucked some shoes on and went to to pick up my daughter. Another parent had no one to collect her daughter, she was on a course an hour away, WhatsApp group to the rescue.

I never left our primary school one, it became secondary school chat. It will get better!

RedToothBrush · 18/07/2026 13:51

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 13:00

Thanks for some the kinder messages. I’m well aware I’m an adult. I have my phone on silent usually anyway and have mentioned I’ve muted the chat in the past however it doesn’t stop it displaying on my phone. It means everytime I pick up my phone and I mean everytime there are multiple messages from school including weekends! I am allowed to be sick of it. I see what’s app as much more personal than email tbh so maybe that’s where I’ll have to agree to disagree with some of you and as I said previously a lot of it is repeat messages and adverts for events: I think it needs to be better managed by the PTA and reps and there’s been some really good suggestions. I won’t contact the school but I will be making some suggestions to reps in September and archiving for now!

Just leave the sodding group if it offends you so much!

It's not difficult.

GinaandGin · 18/07/2026 13:51

SySy7 · 18/07/2026 10:24

Thanks for the heads up regarding archiving- I didn’t know I could do this! I don’t want to leave the group because I do miss important things from time to time and I also like to offer my help on the odd occasion. No I’m not expecting the school to ‘police’ the chat - more-so hoping for a message to be sent out to the reps or PTFA to relay the concept of basic consideration and spamming parents 24/7. It’s also not about trying to control ‘adult chat’ it’s mainly expecting people to show some basic courtesy and respect. I wouldn’t message family members or a neighbour at gone midnight or 5:50am in tbe morning. Why would I then message 90 parents doing exactly that?! It’s crazy. Especially as someone usually responds and off it goes again! The group chat is the only channel for comms from all avenues other than a slightly ambiguous weekly newsletter which really sets everyone off.

Edited

Well some people's day starts at 550
There are smug people on mums net who tut at "lazy" people who aren't up at the crack of dawn with all the laundry down by 6am
Not knowing how to archive a chat is a you problem
It's not for you to dictate how what's app groups are ran as frustrating as they are.
I can't stand them... people asking the blinking obvious and lacking comprehension skills

RedToothBrush · 18/07/2026 13:49

You are a grown up.

The school is not there to manage a grown ups WhatsApp group. WhatsApp has a mute function. You do not need to be a member of a parents WhatsApp group.

You are insanely unreasonable.

Iamthemoom · 18/07/2026 13:49

I would leave or mute if I was you. For some people messaging at 6am might be their only option. I do most of my work emails between 5-7am so I can work undisturbed after that. I don’t expect anyone to read them until their working day starts.