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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to suggest my husband takes the box room when we move?

192 replies

Bedroomdilemmas · 18/07/2026 09:25

Aibu to give the smallest bedroom to my husband? We’re moving house. It’s for 2 years. My husband and I have separate bedrooms because of his snoring. The new house has 3 double rooms and one box room. Our two children really want a double room each and to be far they’re 18 and 17 and will be hanging out in their bedrooms the majority of time. My husband literally only sleeps in his bedroom, while I spend loads of time working in my bedroom. It seems obvious to me that he should get the box room but he won’t hear of it. I instigated the move so he’s not thrilled in general.

OP posts:
shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 12:04

FourSevenFour · 18/07/2026 12:03

Because she works from the bedroom as well (he doesn't).
Depending on their work/sleep patterns that might clash.

It is absolutely logical solution. The only issues are that he doesn't like the move anyway, and his ego over the bedroom allocation.

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OP hasn't said their sleep patterns would cause an issue and has even said herself they should probably alternate sleeping in the box room.

She's the one driving the move and who wants it most, so she should be prepared to take the rubbish room to facilitate that, IMO.

FourSevenFour · 18/07/2026 12:03

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 11:59

If it's just to use for 8 hours a night, why can't OP sleep in it?

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Because she works from the bedroom as well (he doesn't).
Depending on their work/sleep patterns that might clash.

It is absolutely logical solution. The only issues are that he doesn't like the move anyway, and his ego over the bedroom allocation.

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 12:03

Megifer · 18/07/2026 12:02

From the op - My husband literally only sleeps in his bedroom, while I spend loads of time working in my bedroom

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She can sleep in the box room and work in the other room then.

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 12:03

Nopuedeser · 18/07/2026 12:01

Why should she sleep in it over him, when she’s paying for the house?

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Because she's the one who wants to live there.

Easilyforgotten · 18/07/2026 12:02

I get that you have instigated this move and your DH isn't happy, but he seems to be looking at this from an emotional perspective rather than a practical one? I completely agree that on the surface him being relegated to the box room seems unfair, but if the reality of the situation is that he genuinely does only sleep in there, why does it matter? If his 'stuff' is in the room you're planning to sleep in and he's only using the bed in the box room, surely you are effectively sharing the main bedroom anyway?

Megifer · 18/07/2026 12:02

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 11:59

If it's just to use for 8 hours a night, why can't OP sleep in it?

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From the op - My husband literally only sleeps in his bedroom, while I spend loads of time working in my bedroom

Nopuedeser · 18/07/2026 12:01

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 11:59

If it's just to use for 8 hours a night, why can't OP sleep in it?

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Why should she sleep in it over him, when she’s paying for the house?

CoffeeBooksRats · 18/07/2026 12:00

Bedroomdilemmas · 18/07/2026 11:57

He can work lots of places. Right now the old house is nearer his work. His work involves travelling and it changes. He’s not paying for the new house. Amazing how many people presume he is. I think I’ve said we both work

I assumed he’d be paying an equal share - not paying for the whole thing.

is there an option to rent a different house that meets everyone’s needs and avoids the drama?

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 18/07/2026 11:59

Megifer · 18/07/2026 11:55

A room he'll be in for 8 hours asleep? Yea. Extremely selfish.

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If it's just to use for 8 hours a night, why can't OP sleep in it?

Original poster
Bedroomdilemmas · 18/07/2026 11:57

He can work lots of places. Right now the old house is nearer his work. His work involves travelling and it changes. He’s not paying for the new house. Amazing how many people presume he is. I think I’ve said we both work

OP posts:
Megifer · 18/07/2026 11:55

UniquePinkSwan · 18/07/2026 11:51

Really? He’s selfish for not wanting a tiny bedroom in a house he pays for? I’d say the OP was selfish for even suggesting it

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A room he'll be in for 8 hours asleep? Yea. Extremely selfish.

Nopuedeser · 18/07/2026 11:51

UniquePinkSwan · 18/07/2026 11:51

Really? He’s selfish for not wanting a tiny bedroom in a house he pays for? I’d say the OP was selfish for even suggesting it

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The OP is paying for it. She said that in a previous post.

UniquePinkSwan · 18/07/2026 11:51

Megifer · 18/07/2026 09:43

Hes being a selfish arse. Its not a given your DC will move out any time soon and he just needs a bed. What a knob.

Really? He’s selfish for not wanting a tiny bedroom in a house he pays for? I’d say the OP was selfish for even suggesting it

senua · 18/07/2026 11:48

you have the box room, and get a desk to work elsewhere in the house
We haven't yet had the dripfeed of why she gets to work in the new house but he has to work in the old house.

BeWittyRobin · 18/07/2026 11:45

I’m sorry but why would he have the box room and not one of the children?! I think it’s an unreasonable request/expectation from yourself and your two children tbh. If you don’t see a problem with it and you feel it’s important for both your children to have a double room each then you have the box room, and get a desk to work elsewhere in the house

Indianajet · 18/07/2026 11:38

If I was your OH, I would stay in the old house and leave you to it.

dancingdeidre · 18/07/2026 11:35

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 18/07/2026 10:58

But she’s not the one with the snoring issue…the husband is. And it seems he’s doing nothing to sort it out!

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Lots of people snore and there isn't always an easy way of stopping. This couple has agreed to deal with it by sleeping in separate rooms. Doesn't seem fair to make DH pay by having the less desirable room.

AAudreyHorne · 18/07/2026 11:19

NoArmaniNoPunani · 18/07/2026 09:34

I took the box room so my kids could each have a big room. It's worked out really well.

Me too.
Means I'm in a single bed but as said before, my 2 kids have their friends round in their rooms, I just sleep in there and it won't be forever.

CoffeeBooksRats · 18/07/2026 11:18

Assuming he is paying his share of the rent/mortgage/bills the same as you are, then yes - you are being very unreasonable. I’d say you share the master bedroom but take it in turns to go and sleep in the box room.

We sleep apart when it’s hot as I need the windows open and fan on and my DH is very noise sensitive, but we take it in turns to sleep in the spare room.

shhblackbag · 18/07/2026 11:18

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/07/2026 11:11

Not exactly the same but doesn't mean he's not going to want to spend his evenings and sleeping with his family.

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True, not necessarily. But it sounds like he's been sidelined in this move. Resentments can build. Of course, if that's the case, then he shouldn't hide in another house but make decisions about what he wants long-term.

Shinyhappyapple · 18/07/2026 11:17

Bedroomdilemmas · 18/07/2026 10:19

The box room has a window.
yes I think me and dh should share the largest room and share the box room

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This seems fairest. Especially when your DH isn’t really on board with the move. But if you are doing what is best for your DC and your DH still has access to your substantive home, then it seems fair enough. You will both need to have a proper conversation at the end of the two years though, if you are preferring this location. Perhaps a permanent move to a new home you choose together and are both happy with ?

NuffSaidSam · 18/07/2026 11:17

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/07/2026 11:11

Not exactly the same but doesn't mean he's not going to want to spend his evenings and sleeping with his family.

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If commuting to work means he no longer wants to spend his evenings with his family then I think they have bigger issues than who sleeps in the box room! Imagine if everyone who had a commute to work just slept there because the effort to come home was too much!

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/07/2026 11:11

shhblackbag · 18/07/2026 11:01

Not exactly the same, is it?

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Not exactly the same but doesn't mean he's not going to want to spend his evenings and sleeping with his family.

LovageSage · 18/07/2026 11:10

NoAprilFool · 18/07/2026 10:39

But it’s not a bedroom, it’s a box room which is being used as a bedroom.
we have a box room which- no window - which DH uses as a study. Our neighbours with same layout use it as a bed room. You couldn’t market it as a bedroom if selling it.

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Where I am (Ireland) the smallest bedroom (which in some new builds often just about fits a single bed and little more) is usually referred to as the box room. They do have windows.

Originally in great houses it was literally a room for storing trunks etc, but the term is used differently now to mean very small bedrooms too.

SowWhatNow · 18/07/2026 11:08

SummerHols2026 · 18/07/2026 09:37

Isn’t this what rock, paper, scissors was made for?!

Toyally! This is how we solve all our dilemmas 😂