Not said ‘step’daughter

So would I on behalf of your lovely step daughter. She sounds like a great role model for her younger half sister.

The second you said "DD's older sister X" rather than "my daughter X" or "my elder daughter" it would be very obvious to most people that she was your step-daughter.

If her stepmum trusts her enough to watch her sister then that would/should be enough. As trusting a sister or step would be wholly based on the fact that a trusted adult trusts her.

DDs friends mum doesn’t know her from Adam. It’s all based on OPs recommendation.

Just admit she is right, you were wrong, and in future you will endeavour to keep DSD at home where she belongs, dressed in rags and cleaning the fireplaces.

Yeah, same here, and would also have made sure the friend was ok! No step or half siblings for us. Sounds like friends mother is projecting.

At 17 I would happily abandoned my (full) sister wherever we were and gone home if she'd pissed me off or whatever while we were out together. I'd have made sure the friend got home ok though 😆

Wrong end of the stick 🤣🤣

Nah, you and the friends mum are just snobby and judgemental. Own it.

Shouldn't make a damn bit of difference, and you should tell the friend's mother tartly that you're sorry she doesn't understand that your not mentioning it is an illustration of the excellence of your family relations.

If there's anything to pick at. It would be that if I was the other mum complaining I would of wanted OP t9 be responsible for two 10 year old girls. Not faffing around over DD or SD. Although that's on the mum for agreeing in the 1st place.

This, same with my sibs!
The friend sounds mad. Don't know what her problem is.

She sounds bonkers. I honestly despair of some people these days
Me and my brother have different Dads (note I said brother and not half-brother 🤣)

I have never introduced him saying “this is my half brother Jack” I would always say “this is my brother Jack”

You did nothing wrong. Stupid woman.

The Mum sounds like She is in an extremely bigoted cult. Her thinking process is not normal.

Well I suppose her rationale has some logic to it, and perhaps she is a very anxious parent, but you were not in the wrong. They are sisters and DSD has the status of "daughter" in your home, so why would you think to point it out in this context. I would just apologize while inwardly rolling my eyes, stress what a lovely time they had nonetheless and not mention it to DD or DSD.

You are very well named if you turn round every time you speak 😂

To be honest, your referring to your DD’s older sister would probably lead me to assume you were the stepmother - otherwise, maybe more natural to say “my older daughter will take them”? But - whatever- I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all, nor have you been dishonest. If the other mother has made incorrect assumptions, that’s on her. She sounds a bit nuts, anyway - why on earth would it matter?

I could understand her logic if you'd just married your husband after knowing him for a short time and had only met his daughter very recently, but DSD has been in your life for over a decade, and DD has known her all her life. If your friend "knows" you and respects you well enough to automatically trust someone just because they're your daughter AND she has only now figured out the 17yo is your stepdaughter, then she must know the two of you are close and that YOU trust your stepdaughter. Anyway, you didn't mislead anyone if you said that DDS is DD's sister; she is. If everyone's home safe and sound and happy, why make an issue now?

Yeah your mate is mental. What a thing to make a fuss about. Must be something else going on in her life

DSD is a very nice sister

Other mum is a complete idiot, possibly nasty piece of work

Well these are siblings, related by that oh so important blood.
So therefore the elder sister should fit perfectly into your mindful category.

Tell her not to worry it won't be an issue again.
Hard swerve going forward.

But surely the OP is in a much better position to assess the trustworthiness of the step daughter, and the relationship between the sisters than the friends mum is?

If OP was happy with it, why would the other mum second guess it? She'd been told the 17 year old family member would be looking after them, which was true.

She's bonkers. Knowing you does not mean a single thing about your 17 year old's (even if she wasn't a "step" daughter) ability to look after her younger sister and friend. Actually (mentally thinking about my DC's 17 year old friends) I'd say there was zero correlation.

I wonder if the mum is feeling she might have been a bit lax letting her daughter go to town (how old are they?) and this is her way of making it your fault?

So adopted daughter wouldn’t be good either then? Really?