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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not said ‘step’daughter

120 replies

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:10

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

OP posts:
x2boys · 18/07/2026 20:57

minimalistic · 17/07/2026 20:20

I suppose the mum may have thought that your dsd wouldn’t look out (care) for them as much as a blood relative would. And her decision to let her own dd go wasn’t based on facts.

Not that I agree with her at all.

Show quote history

Half sisters are blood relatives.

Original poster
fornobody · 18/07/2026 20:43

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 20:03

I can see her point.

She obviously doesn’t know you well to know that you have a step daughter and so she has no idea how long you’ve know this girl.

Trusting your child with someone you’ve known for 17 years is very different to trusting them with someone you’ve known a few weeks.

I obviously met dh’s daughter before I decided to marry and have children with him

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/07/2026 20:31

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 20:03

I can see her point.

She obviously doesn’t know you well to know that you have a step daughter and so she has no idea how long you’ve know this girl.

Trusting your child with someone you’ve known for 17 years is very different to trusting them with someone you’ve known a few weeks.

Really? A few weeks? You think she didn’t meet her step daughter until up to 10 years AFTER DD was born? Where is the logic in that?

Olderbutt · 18/07/2026 20:15

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/07/2026 20:13

Very narrow minded by the other mum - I would be turning around and telling her DSD is my family and we don’t use the word step in this family!

This!

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 20:03

I can see her point.

She obviously doesn’t know you well to know that you have a step daughter and so she has no idea how long you’ve know this girl.

Trusting your child with someone you’ve known for 17 years is very different to trusting them with someone you’ve known a few weeks.

Wingingit73 · 18/07/2026 19:32

Its a her problem

Notavailabletryanotherone1 · 18/07/2026 19:15

Would be telling friend that she was totally out of order to even question you on this matter your dsd is your dd as far as you’re concerned and you treat and think of her as such .

Hatty65 · 18/07/2026 19:06

I'd be telling the other Mum that she'd angered and upset me by implying that my DSD was somehow 'less' than a biological child woud be. Does she ask whether people are adopted and judge them equally?

She's offensive and I'd call her out on it.

Lins77 · 18/07/2026 18:48

We have a lot of half siblings in my family. My children are half siblings, so are my brother and I. None of us feel it's any different from being full siblings.

BillieWiper · 18/07/2026 18:29

How bizarre. It's none of anyone else's business who's womb she came out of. You'd think it was an absolute random you'd found at a bus garage?!

Honestly I'd be wary of this woman, she sounds bat shit.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 18/07/2026 18:26

You weren’t wrong OP. My SS half siblings (whom are at his mother’s house with him when he is there) are his ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ they have never been called anything else at all and never been considered to be ‘half’ of anything, even though for part of the time they are with their dad and he is here… for goodness sakes the woman is being ridiculous.

ThisSereneGoose · 18/07/2026 18:23

Screamingabdabz · 17/07/2026 20:18

I’m not saying she’s right, but I can understand the other mother’s reaction.

It might be assumed that a 17 year old who has a blood attachment might be far more attentive to a sibling’s welfare (and by extension, the friend). Even when siblings hate each other they tend to still look out for them, whereas a teenage step-sibling might not be as mindful.

did you think before you wrote that?

Kids start babysitting around 15, and care very well for children they are not related to you know.

Lararoft · 18/07/2026 18:16

One of my friends has a sister, and a half sister & half brother; she never ever has used the word ‘half’ when referring to them; they have always all been close & the oldest sibling is early 60s now!

Spidey66 · 18/07/2026 18:11

minimalistic · 17/07/2026 20:21

So they are sisters (1/2) not step sisters. Where did the mum get ‘step’ from?

Show quote history

OP is stepmother to the oldest. The girls are half sisters so the girls are 'blood' related. The oldest may not be biologicallly related to the OP but the children are siblings.

Surgz · 18/07/2026 18:05

That's horrible, illogical and rude

Candleabra · 18/07/2026 07:54

She’s crazy. DSD is your DD’s older sister. I have no idea what her issue is.

Coralsunset · 18/07/2026 07:30

She’s batshit. I have two older half sisters on my dads side and we always refer to each other as sisters. No need to explain the finer details unless it’s relevant.

Completely irrelevant in the context of accompanying younger girls into town.

firstofallimadelight · 18/07/2026 07:05

My dd took DS and his friend out recently . Mum thanked me for my dd as they had a lovely time. It didn’t even occur to me to mention dd and DS are 1/2 brother/sister.
She is being ridiculous and I would tell her so.

hypnovic · 18/07/2026 00:34

Mental behaviour

99bottlesofkombucha · 18/07/2026 00:34

I’d just reply They are sisters, and they are my daughters. I hope your dd had a good time.

Dontbeme · 18/07/2026 00:23

This woman is bonkers and I wouldn't have my dd or dsd bringing her dd out again.

I remember being 9 years old and my older teenage cousin bringing me out for the day to go shopping. I nearly exploded with excitement, I still remember feeling ten feet tall coming home with a Kylie poster and bumbag, the height of fashion in rural Ireland in 1989.

What a mean spirited woman she is taking the shine off the girls day.

JJWT · 18/07/2026 00:12

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:19

They’re half sisters ( Dh is father of both)

Show quote history

So shes not a step sister at all, then. Step siblings do not share the same parent at all and are not biologically related. Eg mums new husband's child from a previous relationship. You own Dad's child is a relative. Either way the woman is a twat.

OneFineDay22 · 18/07/2026 00:09

It’s weird that she cares and it’s even weirder that she accused you of lying because you hadn’t explicitly told her. Obviously you didn’t lie and she’s nuts.

OnlyOneAdda · 17/07/2026 23:28

It would have been reasonable for her to say no to a 17yo she didn’t know taking care of her child…or reasonable to say if you were fine then she was fine…but to specify based on the relationship FFS

I came on expecting you to have said “my daughter” when referring to your DSD and I STILL would have said that was fine but you actually spoke entirely accurately and now she’s complaining about an assumption she made?? About something batshit?

Tell her to JOG ON.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 17/07/2026 23:25

You have done nothing wrong here @fornobody

I never explain that dd's brother and sister are my step kids in that situation, they are 23 and nearly 22 now, but I have always just referred to them as her ds and db when dealing with other parents.

Friends mum is being very weird about it. She dd's sister, we dont dabble in halves in this household.

I split with their dad 9 years ago, moved out 8 years ago but they were are and always will be my kids, step or otherwise is irrelevant