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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not said ‘step’daughter

120 replies

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:10

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

OP posts:
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Hildegard25 · 20/07/2026 17:27

Screamingabdabz · 17/07/2026 20:18

I’m not saying she’s right, but I can understand the other mother’s reaction.

It might be assumed that a 17 year old who has a blood attachment might be far more attentive to a sibling’s welfare (and by extension, the friend). Even when siblings hate each other they tend to still look out for them, whereas a teenage step-sibling might not be as mindful.

Absolute bollocks.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/07/2026 18:53

MasterBeth · 19/07/2026 14:14

Why would you turn around? 🤔

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Dont be a dick

MasterBeth · 19/07/2026 14:14

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/07/2026 20:13

Very narrow minded by the other mum - I would be turning around and telling her DSD is my family and we don’t use the word step in this family!

Why would you turn around? 🤔

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 19/07/2026 14:09

Some people just disapprove of anything other than the nuclear family, and are too blinkered.

Pherian · 19/07/2026 13:30

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:10

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

She sounds nuts.

Oldwmn · 19/07/2026 13:03

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:10

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

Your 'friend' is a weirdo.

daisychain01 · 19/07/2026 12:25

Sounds like this is a case of "Never let a good deed go unpunished".

She is massively overthinking this one.

Tiedbutchorestodo · 19/07/2026 10:04

Totally nuts. I have similar aged DDs who are half sisters but would never describe themselves as that and would not want anyone else calling them anything except sisters. My DH would also just call the eldest his daughter not his step-daughter unless for formal official purposes.

It makes absolutely no difference to how well (or badly sometimes!) they get on or how much eldest DD can be trusted to look after younger.

Any1ForTennis · 19/07/2026 10:01

ToKittyornottoKitty · 19/07/2026 09:16

There is nothing at all to suggest her husband took them… the thread is about her DSD taking them

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Ah okay, my morning brain interpreted DSD as daughters step-dad!

Mygardenshedisfallingdown · 19/07/2026 09:56

dogFlatOut · 17/07/2026 20:21

Oh give over - blood doesn’t make you care

you care when you’ve been brought up together as a family,

if your teenage dsd is happy to take her kids sister and friend out - that sounds like they have a pretty positive relationship.

most teens won’t do things they don’t want to do.

love is much stronger than blood lines

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Totally disagree with the blood is thicker than water bollocks.
Families are great when they work out and get on but reading about some on MN I would want some as my worst enemy.
H is no contact with his siblings because they are arseholes.

LilyBunch25 · 19/07/2026 09:45

YourTidyGreyRobin · 19/07/2026 09:43

What utter rubbish

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Agreed. She isn't a step sibling. She is the younger child's biological half sister. Step only comes in in relation to the OP being stepmother of the elder.

YourTidyGreyRobin · 19/07/2026 09:43

Screamingabdabz · 17/07/2026 20:18

I’m not saying she’s right, but I can understand the other mother’s reaction.

It might be assumed that a 17 year old who has a blood attachment might be far more attentive to a sibling’s welfare (and by extension, the friend). Even when siblings hate each other they tend to still look out for them, whereas a teenage step-sibling might not be as mindful.

What utter rubbish

LilyBunch25 · 19/07/2026 09:43

minimalistic · 17/07/2026 20:21

So they are sisters (1/2) not step sisters. Where did the mum get ‘step’ from?

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Because OP is stepmother to one and mother to the other.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 19/07/2026 09:34

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 21:23

Yes obviously but it sounds like this woman has no idea how long you’ve been together.

You obviously don’t know each other that well.

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Well if they're half sisters, obviously its been at least 10yrs.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 19/07/2026 09:16

Any1ForTennis · 19/07/2026 08:43

Is it an issue with your husband taking the girls rather than you? Rather than your husband being a step-dad?

I would be a bit uncomfortable if my DD was taking out for the day by a man I didn't know but would be okay if it was a school Mum I had met loads of times at the school gate.

There is nothing at all to suggest her husband took them… the thread is about her DSD taking them

Any1ForTennis · 19/07/2026 08:43

Is it an issue with your husband taking the girls rather than you? Rather than your husband being a step-dad?

I would be a bit uncomfortable if my DD was taking out for the day by a man I didn't know but would be okay if it was a school Mum I had met loads of times at the school gate.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 19/07/2026 08:34

No answer to this one. Other Mum sounds like a proper cow. Suggest she takes them if there is a next time.

desperatemum1234 · 19/07/2026 08:30

There are some insane people out there - your DD’s friend’s mum is one of them.

Chickadee001 · 19/07/2026 08:14

Her daughter - there really doesn't have to be any difference between the treatment of a younger child be they a daughter or stepdaughter!!

mondaytosunday · 19/07/2026 01:09

I refer to my stepsons as my kids’ brothers. I don’t say ‘half brothers’. That’s just weird.

whattheftodo · 19/07/2026 01:02

I’m guessing this other mother had a reason for being so ridiculous. Probably has step/half sibling issues in her family triggering her. My son always makes comments about his younger half sibling not being blood when he’s seen his father- because he has a half sibling there he’s not so close to and doesn’t see as a sibling due to the minimal time ex has our son. My ex would probably respond the way this woman you post about has- because it’s a different issue being triggered.

personally if someone is responsible and competent I base my judgment on that. Full siblings can be irresponsible idiots as much as the next person

Bowies · 18/07/2026 23:36

Batshit. Can’t get my head around what the issue could be?

Laura95167 · 18/07/2026 23:35

fornobody · 17/07/2026 20:29

Originally I just said DD’s older sister and I guess from that she assumed dsd was my older daughter.
Someone else must have told her differently and today she text me asking if dsd was actually my step daughter.

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Tbh if youd said "her older sister" opposed to "my eldest" I might have been tipped off they were half or step sisters.

Surely this girl has been your DSD since she was at least 6 if Dd is 10. This woman is batshit. Would she be the same if DD sister had been adopted? Because if shed said oh I mightnt have agreed if I knew your kids were adopted yoid have immediately heard how nuts she is

Sounds like youve a lovely DSD whos a great sister. You were not unreasonable

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/07/2026 21:36

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 21:23

Yes obviously but it sounds like this woman has no idea how long you’ve been together.

You obviously don’t know each other that well.

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No it doesn’t sound like that, she knows the DD is 10 so it’s very obviously more than 10 years!

chocoluv · 18/07/2026 21:23

fornobody · 18/07/2026 20:43

I obviously met dh’s daughter before I decided to marry and have children with him

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Yes obviously but it sounds like this woman has no idea how long you’ve been together.

You obviously don’t know each other that well.