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Original poster

Should I move back to care for parents?

31 replies

ladynoname · 17/07/2026 15:10

I moved away just over 10 years ago from my home town to a rural area I just liked and wanted to live, no connections but a yearning to be there.
My mum is 80 this year and her health is declining, she is also a carer to my dad who is bed bound and not able to do any self care for himself, this absolutely takes its toll on mum who I know is exhausted.
My brother still lives nearby and helps out with practical things but I feel guilty that I don’t live nearer and help.

I feel a bit torn between living long distance where I chose to live but don’t need to be and moving back to my home town and supporting my mum with dad and herself as she ages.
I am a sahm and Dh works from home so does it sound a bit selfish to stay where we are and not contribute towards their care?

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 17/07/2026 16:17

I agree with @Pedant61

You have a life where you are. You may not be able to do lots of care but perhaps visit for a weekend and sort stuff out? They can use carers or pay for cleaners gardeners etc. or visit one day a week or something?

my take is what would happen if you lived the other side of the world? You wouldn’t be coming back

yes there is a school of thought children should help their parents as the parents brought them up but those children also have their own lives and responsibilities unlike the parents who only had to worry about the children as they grew up.

parietal · 17/07/2026 15:49

How far away are you? Do regular visits and help as much as you can from a distance but don’t uproot your life.

Yetone · 17/07/2026 15:22

@ladynoname
Firstly, I am not sure which way your voting goes. Secondly, you might try getting this thread put on the elderly parents topic within MN. You will get more support on there.

Yetone · 17/07/2026 15:20

Totally agree with what @Pedant61 said. You can arrange care for your parents from where you are. You should not do the actual care.
I am much nearer your mother’s age than yours and I certainly don’t want my children altering their lives in any way when I become infirm. We have talked about it.

Quartzfairy · 17/07/2026 15:19

Im not sure I agree with @Pedant61 Surely your parents are your family too? My view is that we all have to take some responsibility for looking after our parents, if they cared for you growing up and gave you a decent childhood. It can’t all be left to the state.

it’s a difficult one though as you moved away some time ago before they needed care and I expect you’re all very settled where you are now. How does your DH feel about moving? Do his parents need help/ are they likely to in the future?

Pedant61 · 17/07/2026 15:12

Honest answer - no. This is not your responsibility, and not a reason to disrupt you and your family's lives. If your parents need care, they need to either pay for help, or contact Social Services.