AIBU to consider another baby while still renting in our thirties?

Not sure why renting is a problem, we deliberately choose to rent and spend on good holidays and memories etc however similar on that we had 4 between ages 10-16 and decided we wanted more when I was also 37, DH continued working I gave up mine and now we have a single and twins and I'm just about to turn 40...love every minute and the little ones are adored by there older siblings, however it helps to have a hands on dh once home from work lol

Are the older ones yours together? So he has two too?
People I know with these gaps is usually because of second marriage in which case that seems fair if one would otherwise have no DC.
Is it related to sex of existing DC? Wanting a boy or girl?
It’s really hard for most of us to be objective as we’ll project our own experiences. For what it’s worth my parents had one with four teenagers and we love him and are close now we’re all much older but he definitely grew up ‘alone’ without the usual sibling relationship and my parents had definitely ‘checked out’ when it came to the energy and enthusiasm for his milestones. He has talked about this.
I had three by mistake as 2nd was twins and it has been a massive impact on every aspect of life and made everything that bit harder. Although mine were v close together.
Plus if one of yours was very ill is that something more likely to happen again? Having a child with health problems could be devastating for your finances and the existing two.
Sorry. All logical type arguments for something that isn’t a logical thing!

In your position I wouldn't. Not because you don't own (neither do I) but how it will affect your dc coming up to exam time and having a little one around the house. Everything becomes a lot more expensive too- holidays for family of four, days out when you have teens and a baby, even food wise- everything comes in even numbers in packets, which I've found this week having ds's girlfriend over for two weeks. Also the thought of going through peri whilst having a teen... no thanks! Don't do it.

I think the concern would be you are renting at a reduced rate through a family member. What happens if that comes to an end - can you afford private rental market. Can you afford private rent for a family if 5 not 4.

It’s completely selfish. But then having any children is when you think about it.

It sounds like it’s consuming you, which js not healthy.

I think the age gap is problematic- the sibling relationship won’t be there. You must think of your existing children in this, over and above your own wants.

Regret shouldn’t be used to drive any decisions.

I have two sons from my first marriage - 16 and almost 19 - and a 6 yo with my now husband. We are long-term renters as, despite both working, we still can't afford to buy.
May I ask how old you are, OP?
Edited: Doh! Just read that you are 37! I was 39 when I had my third and last. The only thing I didn't factor in was being in perimenopause and working alongside a little one. It's hard!
I would have stopped at two with my first husband but my second husband had no bio children and I knew how much a child of his own would mean to him (and to us as a couple).

I don’t have as big an age gap but we’ve had a third and even with the challenges she has absolutely lit up our lives and I’m grateful for her every single day.

I don't think this would be a good move. Better to focus on the children you have and give them a secure roof over their heads. You still wouldn't be out of the 2 year period in your new job, so not completely secure in your new workplace. Plus you would put back any progression in your career.

There are desires for another child but also there's a bigger responsibility to the children you already have. Give them security first and foremost.

This is the kind of question where you cannot reason it out logically. There are reasons for, reasons against. It might be brilliant with that age gap, it might not. You might decide against and still never end up as home owners.
I think if both you and your DH are keen to have another you should go for it and not wait for some hypothetical 'right' time or circumstances.

How many rooms do you have? Has this already been asked? Surely that’s the biggest question here… can you house another child or will you need to move in a few years. If you know you can’t afford to buy then you’ll be actively putting your family into the council housing system - which I would strongly advise against.

Im 37, my youngest (2nd) is 13 and having another baby now is my worst nightmare.
Also would you definitely be able to afford it, a lot of the world is set up for a 4 person family, costs shoot up exponentially when its a family of 5, from cars to holidays. And costs at the minute just seem to rise.

A new kid could be a joy, but it could also destroy what you have, I'd appreciate what you have and try to get a home.

There are loads of different types of families - plenty with big age gaps, some with six kids and some with just one child. Old parents, young parents. As long as there is love they can all be beautiful.

Mumsnet is amazing and a great place to ask for advice for some things…but there are other areas where it’s better not to ask IMO.

You’re 37 so you can have another child if you wish and only you know what is right for your family. Some people would prefer to have their 40s child free and ready to have fun again. Others just love having kids in the house and would prefer to spend those years raising another. Only you know what would work for you.

Nothing wrong with renting. There is security in home ownership but also a lot of costs. I listened to a podcast the other day about being wealthy and the guy rented his home and invested his money - a better way to increase your spendable wealth than tying it up on an asset you’ve have to sell to make use of the value. I’m not saying don’t buy - I did - I’m just saying it’s not the only way to live.

if you and your husband long for another one then go for it. Life is a lottery so there are no guarantees but you make the decision that makes most sense to you.

Age gap would be way to big for me

Your comment about growing out of patience really resonates with me.

There's an 11.5 and 13 year age gap between me and my half siblings and my mum definitely ran out of patience of a lot of aspects of parenting by the time I was 11 or 12…except she didn’t do it all. By the time I went to secondary school, she didn’t engage a lot of school events or planning next steps. She never visits me and wasn’t very interested when I got married - my older sister is more of a mother figure.

If you definitely want another, now is the time to go for it but you need to be confident you can dig deep and show up even if you run out of patience like this poster.

Well there’s not much reason why it would be a ‘good’ idea specifically, with almost 2 teens and another baby meaning you likely can’t buy a house. It’s not an awful idea and I’m sure if you go for it you’ll do fine, but posting this in AIBU on mumsnet was never going to get you loads of people saying yeah great idea. Good luck with whatever you decide

With children of those ages and in your situation house and career-wise I wouldn’t consider it. I understand it’s a huge biological pull but logically it makes no sense. If you keep going in your career and buy a house you can provide a wonderful life for the children you do have. Sorry if this isn’t the reply you want.

I think it’s different if you have one older child vs if you have two. If you have one then having another gives your child the experience (not necessarily net benefit, but experience!) of having a sibling. But OP’s kids already have that.

I don’t see the point. Your kids are 10 and 13, why make them have to deal with a baby at their ages?

OP there’s 13 years between me and my sister and it was fine growing up and fine now. This is MN where an age gap of more than a few years is frowned on. And I certainly didn’t feel like an only child or the other bullshit people come out with

if you want another child go for it, we will end up with anything between an 8-10 year age gap and I know full well I’ll be tutted at on here for even considering it

I wouldn’t, but you need to do what feels right for your family and if that feels like another baby then you’re not in a bad position if you can be fairly certain that your rental will stay secure. In some ways, it will be like having an only child: depending on how long it takes you to get pregnant and whether your two eldest go to university etc, your youngest will spend a large part of their childhood with no siblings at home, and even before that, with no siblings they can actually play with, so some need to think about that dynamic which you’ve not been used to with your two eldest, and their social and playmate needs etc whilst also supporting your teens.

I would say you must really consider the impact on your older kids before deciding one way or the other. Exam years, puberty and newborn/toddler needs will be tricky to balance. Would your finances be able to cope with the additional costs if you lost your below market rate housing?

I’ve got 9 and 11 year gap between the first two and last one (plus one in between) aside from the fact they didnt really have a sibling relationship growing up due to their different life stages now they are all grown up they get on fine.

The thing I’ve found hardest is I’ve kind of grown out of patience with having to do schools, college, driving lessons etc again with the youngest, but that is my problem not hers so I do it all anyway. I also ended up being a single parent when she was 2 so I’ve done things alone this time around too.

Given your age (younger is better for pregnancy) if you are sure you want another id be trying now.