AIBU to worry MIL may need a GP check for dementia?

My DH called MIL's GP first and gave them the heads up then GP got her booked in for an appointment.

MIL was really bad at not focusing on what we were meant to be talking about so it was handy for DH to explain all her odd quirks over the phone before GP met her F2F.

We're in a rural area and found that quite simple as GP had the time to do that for us.

Once all arranged, DH sat MIL down and said he was taking her to GP as he was worried she didn't seem quite right and she was fine with it. Guess it won't be that easy for everyone though. MIL quite liked being fussed over by NHS as well for some weird reason!

God knows!

It’s actually wise to get POA set up. Not necessarily just when someone is showing signs of dementia.

Didn't find there was any help or support, so pretty pointless. Made sure there was space in the house she could easily come into when necessary (like most, we've no spare room as such, but we got organised so we could easily put the kids elsewhere etc, as hospitals trips/periods they need to come to you for recovery amped up). Also checking out work policies about emergency carer leave/comparing any flexibility you/partner/family and friends etc is a good idea. But I never found the authorities (health/council/social services) the slightest bit of use.

I thought I was in The Dog House board, the way SOME people in this thread are talking about a woman who still works FFS!

"If you haven’t already get POA set up." - WTAF!

With my mam, I think we’d been oblivious for a while, but then started to put things together. A few things she did were made me a cup of tea with a jaffa cake, came in to the living room with bread and a fork to make toast on the fire and asking why money had changed.

We attended the GP who did a few cognitive exercises then referred us to the memory clinic then a brain scan. It was Alzheimer’s.

I wouldn’t wish the journey on anyone.

She should have a full health check including blood testing. Vitamin B deficiencies can cause or worsen confusion, depression or memory problems.

Yeah i get that row ends and what not but in general the shop hadn't changed since the week before when we had been in and she walked around fine.

This is definitely worth considering. Without PoA and loss of capacity the GP won’t share anything back but they will in my experience do a memory test at the next appointment (eg meds review).

For my mum signs were similar to those others have said: forgetfulness, repeating herself in conversation and increased anxiety about everything. Things that on their own could be dismissed but when you stepped back there was a definite pattern and set of things that was all the early stages of Alzheimer’s.

If you MIL is still working doing advisory then it really is worth trying to peruse this. If she’s self employed then presumably there is a risk of her making a mistake and a client suing; if she’s an employee then at some point a client will complain and she could find herself in the middle of a performance management/ disciplinary / investigation situation. If she’s does have Alzheimer’s then any of those could be traumatic and actually exacerbate her condition I suspect.

You could e-mail her doctor to tell them about your concerns, hopefully they would then call her in for a check up.

I was with my mum at the supermarket yesterday she forgot the aisles and insisted everything had been moved, they haven't been moved and she has been using the same supermarket for 30 years! She became quite anxious because she couldn't find eggs.

My husband's mother always kept detailed personal financial records, and then slowly they weren't adding up. The math wasn't mathing. She also always did a volunteer job, transcribing written works into Braille for the blind. As the dementia began, she began making uncharacteristic errors at a fast rate. Those were the earliest signs.

Pretty much exactly what we experienced.

The very first sign was repeating herself. “Gosh, isn’t it windy?”. “It’s windy isn’t it?” “The trees are really blowing, aren’t they?” “Goodness, look at the wind.” It started to seem like very dull conversation but we started to realise she’d forgotten she’d just commented on it. The next sign was when cooking Sunday roasts etc - things she knew by rote. She couldn’t remember the steps so everything needed to be noted down in written steps. Then she’d forget things were in the oven and there’d be burning. Later, we saw her not noticing her clothes needed changing etc.

So, very minor things which looked like forgetfulness / general old age. We are now at the stage where 24/7 care is imminent.

We have dementia running through my mums side of the family her brother is currently in a care home, so we have spoken to her about her memory and anxiety but she says she is "fine" for now.

I knew something wasn’t right with my mother for ages. Eventually she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s - but diagnosis changed nothing.

The tablets didn’t help, nothing helped. 🤷‍♀️. She deteriorated at a fast rate.

Does she babysit often ? If you are concerned definitely get other arrangements in place and just visit what age are the children? We are going through similar with my mum,and i think we have to wait for some sort of crisis before she will see a Gp.

I’m wondering this too with my mum OP.
As you say it’s lots of little things that could be explained away - muddling of dates, subtle change in personality (gets angry or emotional more easily), very defensive if she doesn’t remember something or says I haven’t told her.

Also never asks anymore about me or the kids so conversations feel challenging and one sided.
I suspect if challenged she would pass a dementia screen with the GP and she doesn’t think there’s an issue so it’s just a waiting game

Alzheimers can often present with subtle conversation content and personality change as well as other types of dementia so for now I’m just sitting tight and seeing what happens.

What sort of work does she do?