AIBU to feel sad about being one-and-done as my son grows up?

30 replies

HeatherAndHoney · 17/07/2026 12:05

I’m feeling unexpectedly emotional about my DS finishing Key Stage 1 and moving up to Key Stage 2.

He’s my only child, and for a variety of reasons (including my mental health), I’ve always been firmly one-and-done.
The thing is, I’m completely happy with that decision. I love my son more than anything, but I genuinely cannot think of anything I would want less than having another baby. I had a very difficult time after he was born and became so mentally unwell that I almost didn’t survive it. The idea of going through pregnancy, birth and the baby stage again fills me with dread rather than longing. I’m not broody and never have been since having him.
Yet whenever someone announces they’re expecting their second child, I feel a little pang of sadness. It doesn’t happen when people announce their first baby, only their second. I’m always genuinely happy for them, but I’m left wondering why I feel sad.

Most recently, someone I know has announced she’s expecting her second child at 45. I’m 37, and although I have absolutely no desire for another child, I found myself feeling emotional about it. Not jealous exactly, because I don’t want what she has. More a sadness that I don’t feel the way many people seem to feel about having more children.

I almost wish I wanted another child, even though I know I don’t. It feels like having a second child is often seen as the “normal” next step, and sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me for not wanting that. At the same time, I know emotionally, practically and financially another child would not be the right choice for me.

I’m wondering if what I’m actually feeling is grief that certain stages of my son’s childhood are ending. As he leaves KS1, I’m very aware that this is the last time I’ll experience these milestones. There won’t be another first day in Reception and no new little school uniform.

Has anyone else who is happily one-and-done experienced this? Did you feel sad about not having another child despite being completely certain you didn’t actually want one?

OP posts:

WildPine · 17/07/2026 12:19

I don’t think you are feeling broody. This is totally normal. As we age our lives feel as if time is moving faster. There’s a scientific basis for that as we form less neural pathways with less new experiences versus kids who experience newness everyday and therefore childhood feels slower / longer when we are children. As we age we begin to accept our mortality and part of that natural process is accepting the reality that everything changes. This is brought into sharp focus when we mark things like end of the school year, christmasses, milestones etc.

I have an only son too, who is 6 going on 16. I feel the same as you but definitely not broody. I also feel similar sadness when I see the seasons turn and notice how other things like places, friends, etc continue to change. But I also take comfort that this is the natural order of things, and I try to let the lesson be to remain present, enjoy my times with my son, and put my smartphone away. That’s just my take!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/07/2026 12:16

My son finished primary school this week and I’ve found it very hard, he will never get that again and neither will I. I have a younger daughter and I will feel the same when it’s her turn. Another child wouldn’t change how you feel about your current one, you’d still only get his milestones once. Part of me wishes I had several more kids because I love having kids and watching them grow can be better sweet, but I’d still never get to do the same milestones twice with the same kid. Just allow yourself to feel it and move on, and look forward to the next stage, it’s a privilege getting to watch your children grow wether you have one child or 5

Original poster

HeatherAndHoney · 17/07/2026 12:16

I’m just wondering if it’s a sign because of just having the one and whether I should try and start over again but the gap of 8/9 years feels extremely daunting. I just don’t want to reach menopause and actually regret not doing it and by then it’ll be too late.

OP posts:

amylou8 · 17/07/2026 12:12

I think feeling broody is totally normal however many kids you have, and however rationally you don't want anymore. I have three and was boody for more until I hit menopause. I most definitely didn't want anymore.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/07/2026 12:12

I've got 2 dc but I can connect to having a sense of sadness that my baby days were over, even though I was absolutely certain I didn't want to have another dc.

I thought it was about the loss of possibility. And maybe hormones.

I don't think it's ever unreasonable to feel the way you feel, we're all entitled to our feelings!

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