AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Because at that point, it’s their house too.

Totally fair his half goes to his kids

i get keeping the house up - my dads house needs updating and will reduce price when selling a lot

maybe a clause saying new bathroom /kitchen if hasn’t been replaced in 15yrs and all costs to be shared equally between owners

so that they have to pay half of any work they’d insist need doing

or sell after a year and split proceeds 50/50

he pays for home. You live in it and keep your own home and rent out.

you don’t live together

Leaving his half to his children with you being able to stay in it for life or until you sell is reasonable on paper. The aspect of them having a say in what you do to the property is not reasonable. He could say you are to maintain the property in reasonable order but they should not be able to compel you to upgrade because it's what they fancy.

Is he planning on leaving anything to you? Because if not, why are you leaving him your half? That's not equitable.

If you go ahead with buying together can a plan be put in place that in the event of him dying first you will have sufficient funds to afford to buy out his children from their half? That would free you from them. Elder abuse from children who want to receive their inheritance is not unknown, so do be careful.

Sorry, @Itisallgoingtobeok this thread has become too long for me to check all through it. So I just hope I'm not wasting your time!

Have you had your own solicitor check all through your partner's will, or proposed will, as although what your partner's lawyer is proposing is on the face of it normal, in fact, good practice, I do not like the part where his half of the home becomes theirs on his death, and that you have to run any changes you may want to make, by them first.

The legalities should at the very least, say that until your death, or you moving from that property, you have full responsibility for the upkeep of the property, but any changes you may wish to make to it, eg adding an extension, or changing the loft from being an attic, into being another proper room, with the necessary staircase, and, of course, planning permission if needed. However, there would also need to be a section, or a codicil if already written, that stipulates that an agreed third person, perhaps another, but independant lawyer, has to agree that any changes won't reduce the value of the property as it already stands. Also, if any changes increase the value of the property, the beneficiaries of your partner's will, will in fact still receive half of whatever the property's final value when sold, is.

It might not seem fair to you OP, that any of your own money invested in the property should then be shared with your partner's beneficiaries, but that would be the expected outcome for the beneficiaries if they are not to have control of their half of the property as soon as, in this case, their father dies. This is because your partner always wanted his children to have half of his home's worth when he died, but if he agreed to your terms for the interem dates between his death and yours, he would, very fairly, feel the need to take account of the fact that they may have decided to not let you make any changes you may want to make to the home, if you were the only one who was going to benefit from those assumed improvements.

I certainly think that in respect of the above, your half of the property should not automatically be willed to your partner, if you were to die before him, but as with you, he should just have the right to live in it until he dies. So, I think that after you have both had meetings with your own solicitors, the two of you need to have an honest, and in depth discussion between the two of you.

Solicitor OP they are usually really helpful at thrashing these issues out. It’s not an uncommon situation BUT I would avoid the trust if you can and absolutely no way they have a say in your house whilst you are alive. OR just don’t do it at all, keep your independence

It sounds like you haven’t really thought about what having a partner with children entails. I feel sorry for him and his kids. You need to tell him how you feel so he can back out.

This is very standard when there are children from a prior relationship. It is to ensure that his children get their fair share. I don't see why you're querying it. If you're that uncomfortable about it, nothing would stop you selling the house and taking your half to buy a much smaller property, then you would own it outright. Without this proviso, his children could lose out if you remarried or you could simply will the estate elsewhere. I've seen it happen.

Very normal for married couples, even when neither of you had kids with anyone else - you don't need a trust, you just need to be tenants in common. My parents and grandparents all did it, and there were no previous marriages or kids with anyone other than their spouses. The advantage is that if one spouse dies and the other has to go into care, the half that has been left to the DC can't be taken for the fees.

What do you see as the alternative - he disinherits his kids? How do you see this working?

Say no to complicated trusts, but yes to the entirely normal practice of being tenants in common (as opposed to joint tenants). He leaves his half to the DC, but they can't benefit in any way while you're alive.

Also just a thought, is his previous partner, the kids mother, still alive to leave an inheritance?

OP I understand exactly where you’re coming from. It’s very tricky and in your position I’m not sure I’d move in together. I think I’d want to remain in my own home and not potentially be in an awkward position with kids waiting for you to die!

Not rtwt but what about a clause where he leaves you 1% of his share, so you own the majority and therefore have control. If the house needed major work after her died, the money you spend is financed in some way? A solicitor should be able to advise.

How does it baffle you that Mumsnet is made up of thousands of people with lots of different opinions?

If you can't agree on this basic issue, don't move in together - unless you want arguments and law suits to plague your older years.

My uncle's children do agree with it, he did the right and honourable thing to protect his wife. My point is they would have inherited over twenty years ago. They are fortunate not to need money and we all know inheritance isnt a right but a gift.

Honestly this place baffles me. Half of mumsnet bangs on about how you don’t get a say in what you inherit and then posts like this say it like we should feel sorry for them for not inheriting yet. There Dad made a choice, this what he wanted.

Maintained is not the same as the children dictating which kitchen and acting as landlords which is my point. However if they are going to behave like this perhaps they can cough up half the money. What if OP doesn’t have the money or is too old to fix something?

This also happened in my extended family. My uncle remarried and him and his new wife bought a house together and each left half in trust to their respective children with lifetime residency for the surviving spouse.Everyone agreed to this at the time and still do, it was and is the right thing to do. However, he died over twenty years ago now and his wife is still living in the house as a spritely ninety plus year old. She is loved by everyone and my uncle's children still visit her but my uncle's children still havent had their inheritance even though their dad is long dead. They are in their early sixties themselves now.

Seems completely normal to me - am in a similar situation except that both of us only have a 5 year interest in the other one’s half of the house, so lifetime seems generous to me. I’ve also got friends who have been the adult children in this scenario and I’m pleased that some fathers do protect the interests of their children.

If his children make decisions on the house difficult, you can easily solve the problem after his death by selling the house, paying off his children and moving to somewhere that suits you as a single person.

Yes, that is a very unfair summation of your posts, @Itisallgoingtobeok

It sounds like you’ve been a bit blindsided by your DP. You sound very reasonable and understanding of your DP’s need to look after his DC. Whereas, you have no-one to look out for your interests, except yourself.

Get thee to a solicitor to find out the options available to you. Don’t use the same solicitor as your DP’s. That would be a conflict all round.

Good luck ! I hope the two of you can work it out.

They probably didn't want to move house, especially as just bereaved. But may not want to move at all and legally, it is their right to stay there until they die.

Always remember that the other spouse wanted that for them. That they could live in the house for the rest of their lives if they wanted to.

My parent is in the position now, living in a house which effectively they only own 50% of after their spouse died.

It's perfectly reasonable if a married couple have kids independent of each other.

I've never thought of the property maintenance angle before to be honest, and I don't think my step siblings have. We might now have to discuss that.

What probably would have been useful would be for my parent to have sold the house straight away , given my step siblings their 50% and move on, or buy them out.

So do we. I think the complicating factor in OPs case is she is not the children's mother and seems to fear they could object to her making changes to the house if she wants to. It's a bit more complicated with stepchildren I think but the general principle is the same.

What he has suggested is the normal way of doing things, though the wording needs to be carefully phrased so that you are comfortable. Especially as the children are his not yours together.

I would get legal advice together on this so that you are both in agreement. If you make a will together for example, a solicitor will explain how the wording could be phrased so that the children's eventual inheritance is protected, but also your right to stay in the house and do what you want to it within reason, is also protected.

This can be worked out, I'm sure. Just get legal advice to talk it all through.

We have this in our will with the same set up for our children. It prevents the surviving parent leaving property to a subsequent partner. I completely think your partner is doing the right thing.

That's crazy. His money should go to his children on his death, not to you.