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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

660 replies

Itisallgoingtobeok · 17/07/2026 10:02

My partner and I are planning on moving in together. We will each sell our separate properties and buy one together 50/50. He is a widow with 2 DC in their mid twenties. I don't have children.

We are starting to talk about how we would set up finances, and one issue that has come up is that if he dies first he wants his half of the house to pass to his children in trust, whilst I remain able to live in the property until I sell or die. They would then inherit their Dad's half when I die, or get their half if I sell. My half is for me to decide who inherits. FWIW, I would leave my half of the house to him.

This doesn't sit well with me. If he dies first, then half of my home is owned by others. I get on well with them, but I have no idea if they would want to maintain a relationship with me after their Dad's death.

Part of me completely understands why he wants to leave his children his share, but it leaves me in a really tricky position. I really don't like the idea of this at all. AIBU? What have others done in this position? I can't be the first person to have this problem!

OP posts:
Slugfest · 17/07/2026 10:15

This seems a perfectly normal and reasonable arrangement. What exactly is concerning you OP?

usernumbernotfound · 17/07/2026 10:15

Itisallgoingtobeok · 17/07/2026 10:14

Thanks, this is why I can see his point. My worry is that the way he wants it set up is that they have a say in what I do to the property, I’m expected to pay for all upkeep and maintenance, which they can veto, or demand more if they want. I won’t have control over my own home. It just doesn’t sit right with me, although I can completely see his point. I think this could be a deal breaker for me.

I should have added he’s ready given them each a substantial lump sum to get them on the housing ladder

Then dont move in with him.

I am not sure what the lump sum has to do with anything. I would still want my children to inherit my property. If it's left all to you, there is no guarantee you would leave it to them and thats not fair either is it?

Original poster
Itisallgoingtobeok · 17/07/2026 10:14

Thanks, this is why I can see his point. My worry is that the way he wants it set up is that they have a say in what I do to the property, I’m expected to pay for all upkeep and maintenance, which they can veto, or demand more if they want. I won’t have control over my own home. It just doesn’t sit right with me, although I can completely see his point. I think this could be a deal breaker for me.

I should have added he’s ready given them each a substantial lump sum to get them on the housing ladder

OP posts:
GrillaMilla · 17/07/2026 10:14

This is fair. There will be something written up to say they cannot sell their dad's half while you are living there.

travailtotravel · 17/07/2026 10:14

You don't leave your half to him - you do the same ... right to reside until death or sale, then your share goes to.... neices and nephews? Charity?

shoesandshipsandsealingwax · 17/07/2026 10:12

What do you think he should do?

usernumbernotfound · 17/07/2026 10:12

As others have said - this is normal and actually, extremely fair.

I would also want my children to receive my half and I am not sure why you disagree with this?

22mumsynet · 17/07/2026 10:11

This is really standard planning especially where there are children from a previous relationship for the reasons PP mentions.

bunnypenny · 17/07/2026 10:10

This is very normal and fair.

what do you think he should do with his half of the house?

Freshstartyear25 · 17/07/2026 10:09

His plan seem reasonable to me.
He has children and he has to look after their interest. If he passes his share on to you, there’s nothing stopping you from moving on after his death, maybe marrying someone else and they inherit all your assets after and his children will be left with nothing. Even if you don’t remarry, you can then will your assets as you please leaving his children with nothing.
His current plan seem like the fairest here. His share goes to his children but you get to live in the house till you die or sell.
You’re also free to will your assets to anyone in case you die first with the same clause of him staying in the house till he dies or sells. You don’t have to will your share of the house to him, you can obviously if you choose to.