AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

I would not buy a house with him. The leaving his share to his kids is not unreasonable, the caveats are entirely so. Don’t do it.

So you go to a solicitor and you explain you will be joint tenants, write new wills and agree terms between you. Doubtful they will be able to ask for a new bathroom every year or anything above just looking after the property.

I have children and wouldn't dream of doing anything less than what his he suggesting. Surely you knew he's children would have a vested interest in his estate? What happens is you remarry because he has died and his whole estate goes to your new husband in the event of your death. How would that be fair?

Pretty standard. My auntie has the same setup. Her husband died year ago. She doesn't have alot to do with his kids if at all. She just lives in her house and when she dies half of it goes to his kids.

But he shouldn't be giving them any rights to dictate what you can do in your home. And I think my aunt can sell and buy another house and their equity transfers to that house. But she's had a wet room installed in place of the bathroom, had a stair lift installed. It's her house, she does what she wants they just have some money in it.

I don’t think you should buy a property with him tbh.

But that will be the situation if you and your partner buy 50/50 together and then decide to part ways. 🙁

You need to decide whether or not you would like someone else ( his children) to have a financial responsibility with you for maintenance or if you would want to have all the responsibility for upkeep left to you. Yes if the latter you would be increasing the value of their 50% asset at no cost to them but you would have peace of mind. And of course, if you wanted to sell and buy somewhere else, that increase in value would apply to your half as well. Whatever you decide make sure it is clearly written into your partners will.

You are already a home owner, you understand that maintenance of a property comes with the deeds,

I assume the idea that you pay for ‘upgrades’ is more a clause to ensure the property is kept maintained
As you are living there and have the benefit of using the whole house I don’t see that as unreasonable. It’s about maintaining the value of their inheritance

I can’t believe it means you actually upgrade ie be forced to put in modern kitchen, extra bathrooms etc
Perhaps the agreement needs to be more refined

You both need to outline very clearly what it means

His half should absolutely get left to his kids after your death. Until you die, they should have no say in the property as it does not become theirs whilst you are still alive.
They can't have a say in how you decorate etc. but you should be liable to pay for any improvements you wish to make.

My house is 50/50 with Dh and we have children together. Should Dh die, his share of the house goes to the children in trust, same if I die first, my share goes to the children not to Dh.

Say if Dh dies first the children cannot force me out, cannot dictate anything about the house. It is mine to maintain, they have no say. This is how our will is worded. We saw a solicitor to talk all of these scenarios through. Go and see a solicitor and ask the questions.

Edited to add yes I have to keep the home in good repair, I can't just trash it, that is also in the will.

If they own part of the house it's reasonable they'd want to visit to make sure it's being maintained.

It's normal for the parent to leave their share of a jointly-owned property to their DC, and their (new) partner to be able to live there for life.

But I've never heard of these other constraints put on the surviving partner eg re maintenance and upkeep, and the deceased partner's children having control over those things.

I can completely understand why you are not comfortable with that.

For example, if your partner died soon after moving in, and you lived another 20 years, you would be putting a lot more £ into the property in terms of maintenance and upkeep, but still only getting 50% out of the profits.
I think any maintenance and upkeep costs should be recorded, with receipts, and 50% of that total amount returned to you, THEN the profits split 50:50.

And it might be impossible to reach agreement with the deceased partner's DC about what work was actually necessary.

If you can't reach agreement on this, @Itisallgoingtobeok then don't buy a property with him.

Choose one of your homes to move into, rent the other one out, and split the rental income.
Or the person that moved pays the home owner 'rent'. Lots of other possibilities too.

Buying a joint property is a big thing. If it doesn't feel right, or you're unhappy with any part of it, don't do it.

OP, I have a will that leaves someone with a right to remain (they are part of the trust that gets set up on death). The other trust holders have a much smaller right to the house (though the trust changes so all get an equal share if the house is sold). The reason that they have a much smaller share is because we were advised that they could ask for their share of the property to be paid to them, meaning the right to remain person would be forced to sell the home to give it to them. Giving them a smaller share protects from that and minimises what they could demand. I don't think they would do that to the RTR person, but I think it's better locked in. In your part of the UK, you might want to check that the daughters could go to court to get their 50% of the house value (forcing you to sell or buy them out). These laws differ, so it may not apply to you.

This is why I will never have another partner if I am widowed. My priority is protecting my children's inheritance. Your partner is fair but I totally understand you want to protect your autonomy in the home.

I would not buy a house with him. I am in a relationship with my partner and all finances are separate. You have to protect yourself and your finances.
I understand his POV but it would not suit me.

Its a shame you left this key information out of the OP

The responses you're getting reflect tbis.

@Passingthrough123 that’s a better option for the OP which is therefore worse for his descendants

it’s a zero sum game. For OP’s position to improve something must be lost to to his children.

She wants him to leave the house to her

Could he afford a life insurance policy that pays for his share of the house...so the DC gets the money equalling the value of his share of the house (but not the actual house)

Just don't live together. Buy properties next door to each other or in the same street?!

Why is it fair that the wording allows his children demand anything they want done to the home I half own though? That doesn’t seem reasonable either

I don't think they can demand anything though, at least not without good reason, and with agreement with you. Things like decorating and routine mainenance won't really come into it at all - and possibly not even things such as replacement kitchens/bathrooms etc, I'm not sure. . It's only larger things like structural issues/extensions and so on, and you both need to agree on these - I would imagine you can go to mediation etc in the unlikely event that you can't agree on these matters.

Your partner is not being unreasonable to ask this of you, but get good legal advice to see what would happen in various situations that may occur in the future.

Can the wording be changed to say something along the lines of "you have a lifelong right to live peacefully in the house without interference from the co-owners and without obligation to maintain the property beyond the reasonable standard"?

Is that an option worth exploring?

If he cares about his children, he won’t agree to this. There would be nothing stopping her from changing that will after (or even before) his death.

I don’t want to be such a cynical person, but no one knows the future and how people will deal with money after someone dies. What if she meets someone else and gets married and/or decides to pass it on to him?

There are far too many examples of people assuming their spouse or partner will do the right thing. I would never risk my children’s future on a gamble like that.