AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Will the house you buy be roughly double the value of your current respective properties?

Could you plan to sell the shared property buy your own place within a couple of years? Would your DP be agreeable to making provision in his Will for solicitor and estate agent costs to enable this?

I know somebody who was in your position, the minute the husband died, his children, rightly so, wanted their share. It threw her over the edge. There was a clause in his will saying she can stay until her death, the children argued that she can have her share, they want theirs. She felt the war was not worth it, it turned really ugly.
My exMIL got married later in life, moved in with her new husband, their will stated she is to vacate his property which went to his children, she still had hers to move into. She got his very very substantial pension after his death.
Maybe try that?

I think keeping one property and renting the other sounds good. How do you ensure they’re the same though?!
What he’s suggested feels reasonable. However, if he passed away and his children had to wait 10/20 years to inherit, that wouldn’t be great for them.

Why would you want to invest in your own property to ensure it sells quickly on your death? The disruption and cost in your old age, possibly in your ill health ?

Your requirements are exactly opposite to those of his heirs. Just don’t buy together.

Yes, this is awful. If correctly understood I would not complete the purchase.

Well. I would suggest that you organise an appointment with a solicitor, let him talk out his non starter ideas about new kithens and see what the solicitor says to that 😂.
In fact I would 100% just go to a solicitor so you are both very clear on the subject.

It's not unreasonable they would want active involvement to make sure the home they have a big interest in is maintained and being looked after. The same as a landlord would. They are part owners, so of course they want to be involved with the home.

It’s entirely unreasonable for you to want him to ignore his children and leave his share of the house to you. The fact that he has already gifted them house deposits makes no difference. The answer is for you to take out life insurance on him, sufficient to cover his 50% of the value of the property so that you can purchase his share from his children if he dies. You make the monthly payments not him. How much those payments will be will depend on his age and health.

Yes I’ve just seen the update and posted a further reply. I agree the conditions he is trying to put on this are unreasonable and I wouldn’t agree to them.

Ah OK, this further information does make a difference. Normally the only stipulation would be to keep the property in good repair and not make major changes. What he is proposing goes beyond that and you should push back on this part. Just sit down and try to reach a reasonable compromise. If he won’t, I’m not sure I would want to be moving in with him anyway.

They should contribute to work that needs doing (needs rather than want). However, that then becomes awkward when you want to do something, they want to go for the cheaper option or just can't afford it. In the same way you don't want them spending your money and telling you what to do, they won't want the same. And you can't get them to pay if they don't have it.

The alternative is you still buy 50/50 and set up that same will with his half going to his children but with a stipulation that the house is sold within however many months, maybe 12 or 18 months so that the children get their share immediately and you sell and find somewhere else to live.

What if you live together in one property and rent out the other? If he dies first, you stay where you are and the kids get the rental.

You don't have to buy somewhere together.

One of you can move in to the other's house.

The empty property could be rented out, and that income split (after deducting costs eg any existing mortgage, essential maintenance costs etc).

There are options...

Its normal to leave the financial side to kids, really not normal on them having a say on what you do to the property eg can't do the garden etc. Yes to ensuring you don't devalue the home but negotiating over painting the kitchen pink, no way.

My husband & I have set up our wills like this - everything in trust for our kids but the remaining partner gets to have beneficial use of everything until they die. I don't think that the children get to dictate what happens to the house left in trust, it should be yours to do with as you see fit.

This arrangement seems more than fair to me. You get to stay in the house for your lifetime then his children get their Dad’s share when you die and no longer need it. There are plenty of partners in this situation who have simply left their share outright to children on their death and the partner has had to sell up or buy them out.

I believe you would have an obligation to keep the house in good repair during your lifetime and, as long as you do this there shouldn’t be any need for involvement with his children if you don’t want it. They will have no right to enter the property without your permission during your lifetime as you would be the only one entitled to live there. There may be some limited rights for them to periodically inspect the property occasionally to make sure you are maintaining it, but this should be minimal.

Honestly, this seems an entirely fair arrangement. Anything else would unfairly put his children’s inheritance at risk and no caring father would do that.

This is fine. Then I think you need a majority share of the house.

If you otherwise want to live with DP, I hope this works out. If you gave reservations anyway, it is a good reason to refrain from buying together.

If you hate the idea of his kids owning half your home, simply sell in the event of his death.

His kids get their half, you control your home 100 percent.