AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Don’t do it

stay as you are

say he declines in health, dementia say, you will be expected to care full time, saving the family a lot of care home fees, then have housing stress if/when he dies

you will be trapped by this arrangement and he’s not giving you the security of the house for any of this potential

keep your independence and hence your choices

he is expecting and his children sound like they are expecting all the benefits of you two being married but none of the financial outlays or security for you

it’s great for him and his children

dreadful for you

indeed. The irony of that posters response tickled me though.

OP have you explored why we wants his DC to have a say in decor and maintenance - does he not trust you to maintain the property or perhaps he does not realise it is not a standard thing to demand in these sorts of wills.

this seems like poor advice to me from @Glowingup .
This is fairly standard and used within families as well as step families - and largely used to help with inheritance tax.

Perhaps it's worth you seeing a good lawyer @Itisallgoingtobeok just to get peace of mind. IF he is putting his money into a property that his own children would inherit, he just wants to be certain they will inherit their share one day once you have died. You aren't their mother, so you may choose not to leave it to them, so he's making sure they're ok. He sounds decent to me.

I think he needs to explain exactly how that works. How can they have a controlling say if you are 50/50? Answer - they can't.

This. Blending finances later in life is a recipe for disaster

We have this in place and it is very simple if drafted correctly. It should include parts too about you not retaining the right to live there if you get remarried, move a new partner in. It should include monetary sums about what you should pay for in terms of maintenance and what should be shared . It should include parts about essential maintenance eg a new roof etc . I think you are focussing on this idea that they will tell you what to do when in reality that won't be the condition if set out properly. Would you prefer if your partner just said " when I die you have to move out ?" . His children are actually having to delay their inheritance because of this provision for you.

"Nor do they have any say over anything else regarding the house including decor"

This is normal.

But this is not what OP's DP is proposing.

Under his proposal, his DC can make OP put in new bathrooms, kitchen etc etc, and SHE has to pay all the costs.

All maintenance and updating costs are to paid by OP, and the DC can demand anything.

Not a normal agreement AT ALL.

But it's not just your home OP. I think this is where the mismatch lies. You can't think of it as only your home. It's your DP's home and by extension his kids (considering he wants them to inherit). Either you accept that you'll only ever control 50% of the house at most, or you don't move in with him.

I haven’t read the whole thread, but if you do go ahead I don’t see why the half of the house held in trust for the children cannot be controlled by you. Surely you could be the trustee so it would have nothing to do with the children until you die/sell.

I understand your concern is more about feeling pressure/control from his adult kids in relation to how you want to live in your home.

What if your DH leaves you 1% of the house and 24.5% to each if his children (with you having a lifetime trust to live there) That way you would own 51% of the house and they combined would own 49%. Would you feel like you had more control in that situation, since you own the greater share of the property.

The missing 0.5% of value for each child could be accounted for from a portion of the remainder of your DHs estate

His plan is completely normal. Both my dad and my step-mum have this agreement.

All it basically means is that his children won’t get their inheritance until you pass. They don’t have a say in the property (unless you sell it).

My parents actually did this 15 years ago. Each parent left their half of the house to me and my sibling but whichever parent was remaining had the absolute right to live there.

i think it's standard and is fair that he's protecting his children's inheritance but no detriment to you. Just ensure there's a clause stating you have the right to live there @Itisallgoingtobeok

Keep your house. Tell him that you’ve reconsidered combining finances and living together and put the ball back in his court. You don’t need him, as you are financially secure yourself.

I would be so unimpressed if someone tried to foist something like this on me because it’s not standard so he must have gone out of his way to craft something where you get a raw deal. I’m guessing there’s nothing in there to say that only reasonable maintenance needs to be carried out either? So the DC could ask you to fund and carry out a big renovation or extension to boost the value and you just have to go along with it? Awful.

True. The unforeseen consequences of government interference.

My situation is similar. Each own our own houses, DP has one adult son and two young grandchildren, I have no children.

We are talking about sharing his house soon. I would keep my house, moving in with DP and will contribute to bills and whatever. I do not want any interest in DP's house if he dies, so I will have an agreement drawn up that specifies that on his death I will have no claim to any part or portion of his house. The house will go to his son. I will be bequeathed a lump sum and other things, but not the house.

A family member and his family would live in my house and pay me rent, with all the usual legalities as a landlord/tenant sorted out.

I will leave my house to nieces and nephews, but I am stipulating that it should be sold asap after my death and the proceeds distributed. No arguments, just in case the family member is still living there when I die! I am of course leaving a similar bequest to DP as he is leaving to me.

These are just thoughts in my head at the moment, and of course I will see my solicitor before deciding anything.

Or...... we may decide to just stay as we are, each in our own houses, which has worked fine for many years, and I can recommend it! 😊

It seems the most logical thing to do is not buy a house with him. You can live together with one of you owning the house and one owning a buy to let.

@Topseyt123 That is exactly how we have set up our wills

With this sort of set up these days there would need to be a caveat allowing a period of transfer
Id say at least two years as legally it can take that long to get tenants to move out if they don’t want to.
One year is quite normal, so two would give OP assurances she isn’t left homeless

The maintenance and update provisions are NOT normal (solicitor upthread has confirmed this, from a legal viewpoint)