AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Not me! I was responding to @Moveoverdarlin . She suggested it was reasonable for the DC to have the control OP is rightly wary of.

It is in the Quote History

Also may I point out that it is never “poor advice” to suggest to a middle aged financially secure woman that she keeps her solely owned asset rather than getting financially entangled with a man who clearly does not have her best interests at heart.

Tricky, because as a parent he’s absolutely doing the right thing by his kids, but obviously you want to protect your own interests.

Could you not move in together and keep your respective properties?

As I have said numerous times the legalities do not allow this.

There are so many people commenting here on this who obviously are not familiar with the legality of this. 🤷‍♀️

Read the blimming updates!!

He wants OP to pay for ALL maintenance and updates, with his DC given the right to demand she does whatever they decide should be done eg install a new bathroom.

It's outrageous.

Yes - agreed. Hadn't seen that part in OPs updates when i first read. That is unusual @Glowingup you are right.

It's never been their family home, it might be different if decisions about maintaing or updating it had an emotional value but it doesn't and they should view the house as an investment (that may go up or down) they they can't access until you die or sell.

Could it be possible that you would be able to buy them out should he pass? You agree them you have the option to buy them out for a fixed period after his death. lf you could give them cash in return for full ownership and then live in peace!

I voted yanbu because while some people think it is right and correct, you do not. I don't think that either way of doing it is "correct" but I do think it has to suit both parties in the relationship.

They don't! I don't think you know how this works and you are leading the OP up the wrong path.

What's his motivation for that?
If he's thinking of a situation where you become an anxious elderly vulnerable person who doesn't want strangers in the house to do necessary maintenance and leave the place to rot around you then he's protecting his children's inheritance. Houses that are falling down are worth less. And indirectly he's also protecting you - since you don't have children to look after your best interests in your old age. If you doubt that could happen to you , head over to the elderly parents board where adult children/relatives are trying to help aging parents with cognitive decline/heightened anxiety/dementia/house bound with various problems, often made worse by the parents refusing to maintain the house to keep it safe to live in

Do you like your current house? If so, and the two of you want to live together, the simplest thing is that he moves into your house and it remains your house. His can either be let or sold with proceeds invested.

However, it sounds like he may not have realised that giving his children landlord-style control over a shared house after he dies is (a) not normal and (b) completely unacceptable to you, so I think this may be one of those issues that can be solved with a simple conversation.

They only have 50/50 so nothing can be done without 100 agreement.

Just sell up if you were to lose DH and move into a smaller property

Why should the 50% ownership not living in a property have a greater say than the 50% living there?

Apologies, I hadn’t seen the later updates before replying. I started to type my post when you initially posted, and put my phone aside and came back to it just now having not spotted there had been further updates.

It’s not standard for the remainder beneficiaries under a trust to have a say in how the property is kept where only the lifetime beneficiary has a financial liability actually. This is an unfair agreement and not standard at all. Imagine having to pay for a new kitchen and bathroom every 10 years on the say so of someone who does not have to put in a penny towards it. Who would actually agree to that?

This is exact what me and husband did. We own house tenants in common as 50:50 and his half passed go children via trust as did mine, we each gs e the other spouse cash/ pensions etc in the event of death

he is 100% correct to protect his inheritance to his children .

It’s not fair

it’s totally beneficial to them

The trust doesn't have to be set up giving his children active involvement in what would be your home. It is simply to legally ring fence their share. The responsibility for the upkeep and decor remains with you.

Tell him that you won't be agreeing to "active involvement", if the trust can even be set up that way. If he still insists on trying to get that then buying a property together probably is a bad idea and you'd be better remaining separate in your current homes.

Get good legal advice of your own.

My mum has this set up in her will. If she were to die first I wouldn’t be meddling at all in what her partner does to the house, it’s his house and I definitely won’t consider myself some sort of landlord or anything. What do you think his children will be wanting to do?

I think this is the fairest way to do this. If you’re not comfortable with it, you shouldn’t buy a house together.