AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

If he’s going to do this, which I think is fair, and amount should be set aside within the trust to be used for maintenance. And you should agree now how that is decided. Whether you have autonomy over that pot, and fund everything thereafter, or something else. This way, you can continue to live in your home, and the property is protected for the DC.

I would disagree with that. It is normal to have provisions that one co owner will not do anything to diminish the value of the property including a failure to maintain. That is logical and reasonable if you think about it.

Otherwise the person living there could (in theory) demolish the house which would be completely unfair on the ultimate co owners.

That's what her DP wants included in his Will ...

This situation has happened in my family and it’s horrible. The adult kids visit regularly to inspect the property and pressure the elderly lady into doing home improvements. They are resentful and can’t wait for her to die so they can sell the property.

I’m not sure whether this is different to the “norm”. I own the house as tenants in common with my husband. If he dies before me then his half will go to my step-son if I move house, go into care etc. I know I’m responsible for maintenance.

if DH did die before me my plan would be to downsize anyway. We have a large house which is basically a storage warehouse for all DH’s stuff. I’m fairly minimal.

i would be more than happy to sell and and for step-son to have his half.

DH and I have our own separate savings.

I think don't buy together that way your finances stay separate it's easier and less stressful.

If you do want to buy together still then you need to talk about terms of what happens when one of you dies.
If his children inherit a 50% share what does that mean in terms.of.influence? I would argue they contribute proportionally to major repairs / upkeep why should you cover all the costs?

Also what can and can't they have a say on? Painting and decorating no say selling half the garden to a developer they Def have to be involved. Etc...

I think you and others who understand how these things work legally are wasting their time here. The OP is not engaging with any of these posts but prefers to engage with the adding the fuel to the fire ones.

They can demand all they like - but she is not legally bound to do so. DP’s will cannot contractually bind her to full maintenance costs of a property she only owns 50% of - but neither can she enforce his DC to meet 50% of the costs either, so the property will fall into disrepair.

This is why she absolutely should NOT mix her finances.

Under most normal trust no, the children could not make those demands and could not control how OP would live in her house.

Personally, I am wondering if OP's partner has himself misunderstood what the trusts are actually for and what they permit because he is talking this way. The trusts are to protect his children's legal interest in the property, NOT to allow them to dictate how OP repairs and decorates it.

Both of them need legal advice together to clear this up and OP needs to be crystal clear with him that his children will NOT be allowed to control what she does in her own home. If he can't or won't see that then don't buy a house with him. Who knows what else he might try to encourage his children to do if he continues to talk them about controlling shares.

Are you a lawyer?

Or are you basing your wisdom on your own personal experience of having done this once?

A life interest trust is a common approach to ensuring the children inherit, particularly when dealing with a blended family like this. The details of how it works depend on the will. Normally, the surviving partner (the life tenant) is responsible for day to day maintenance, utility bills and standard repairs - the trustees should not have any involvement in that at all.

The trustees (who may be the ultimate beneficiaries, but they could be someone else) own the property and normally pay for any major capital repairs such as a new roof, but the will could make the life tenant responsible for all repairs.

The life tenant is responsible for keeping the property in the same condition as when it started. The trustees cannot force the surviving partner to go beyond that.

If the surviving partner wants to alter the property, e.g. by adding a conservatory, they will need the agreement of the trustees, who should check that the alteration is allowed under the terms of the trust and that it won't damage the future value of the property.

You need to take proper legal advice on the proposed will to make sure you understand exactly how it will work. But if this is a deal breaker for you, you need to be aware that many men with children will want a similar arrangement to make sure that their children will ultimately inherit.

If you can afford something you would like, using only your own money, then that sounds a good option. Do get legal advice but I would think it should be fine if him clarifies in his will that he leaves to you any ownership right in that house that he might have implicitly accrued. It is probably worth him writing that explicitly so there is no debate in the matter.

(NOTE other posters I am not suggesting he leave OP the inheritance that "ought to" have gone to his kids, just clarifying that her own house bought with her own money does not go to his kids.)

This situation has happened in my family, everyone is lovely and terribly polite but it is still very stressful all round. It’s decades since the person died and their ‘new’ spouse is still alive. Generations of people are having to become trustees and do all sorts of decisions and hassle and what not. You are right to avoid it!

You say this but if the deed of trust provides that they can insist and OP funds it, I think that would prevail wouldn’t it?

Dont put all your eggs in one joint basket /house.
Sell. Keep a small property in your name.rent it out .
Or as suggested buy next door assets. Keep separate properties .
Are you going to get married ?

I would suggest that you call off moving in together. They are trying to control you and control what happens on DPs death, assuming he goes first. Keep your own property and keep control of your home

Will they? Is that legally enforcable?
If you own half and they own half between them, nobody has the controling interest.
Practically speaking if you are the one living there, no one can force you to do anything. Although I do understand that they may make you feel bullied or harassed, they still wouldn't have actual control or power to do anything.

Your DH wish that his kids have the power to make decisions would be a thing that was written in a "statement of wishes" letter to go alongside the will, this isn't something that would go in the will, it's not something can can be enforced

Agreed. Not thinking straight today 🫠

You seem obsessed with this one idea and people are fuelling your fire. I don't think your husband has explained this properly to you. However you and he would have to come up with a financial amount above which you would both have to contribute eg you would pay for maintenance of boiler annually but if you needed a new boiler both sides would contribute. All of these terms are agreed by yourselves. 50/50 does not mean they have a greater say. If you and he cannot agree then don't do it .

I think the best thing to do is that if he dies before you do, you have x months / years to sell and move to your own place. His children get X% of the net proceeds.

Does he have any other assets?

Okay this part should be a no go. They can keep their interest in the property without dictating to you how to live in your own home.