AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Nope, do not accept this.

The irony being that this could very well happen if the children marry someone they later divorce. At least if you’re going to cut your spouse out of your will, make sure that you make proper provision that the inheritance goes to your children and their descendants only and insist they sign prenups.

He’s being sensible and this is a very usual set up.

I get that, but you can't have your cake and eat it. If she wants the luxury of benefitting from the bigger/nicer property that her partner's equity brings to the table then the compromise is that she needs to accommodate it not being permanent - either to relinquish his share when the time comes, or cope with his children having an involvement.

Op seems to be wanting her partner to write his children out of his will and leave everything to her. I'm pretty sure if someone posted on here in her partner's situation they'd be strongly advised not to write their children out of the will. The only way to be sure the children will inherit is to leave it to them in your will, not rely on a new partner to do it later on.

He is doing the right thing by his children.

if you’re not comfortable, you shouldn’t buy together.

I’ve got a trust will with my husband for precisely this reason.. so my children are looked after and someone else can’t come along and claim what is theirs.

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. It’s the normal arrangement in such circumstances, in my experience. You’d just need to make sure that it’s clear what would happen if structural repairs or big redecoration/maintenance to the house were needed: would the children have to contribute?

It is normal but not without issues you should address now.

Who pays for maintenance if they own half the house?

How long could they potentially wait for their inheritance, a long wait may lead to resentment.

Gat some good practical advice and speak to his children too

Then she doesn't.

The issue is that she could be 80 with limited mobility and not in a position to sell up and move easily.

But if she wants to cut ties which seems to be the biggest issue, that's the way to do it. He dies you sell up , give them his share and move on in a place that's sole ownership

This makes it different.
You need a solicitor to write something that favours you in the event of him passing and you needing to live there.
If the roof needs repair who will pay? You will probably have low income by then. most of your assets will be the house.
If you need to go into a care home you will need the house sold to finance it. You must not be left with no cash and the other holding up the sale, perhaps trying to buy you out at knockdown value.

I'm not sure it's telling. It's fairly common to be clear on responsibility for the maintenance of a property in joint ownership in these circumstances.
The non resident owners do have a right to protect their share from any potential devaluing through neglect or changing the space. And the resident paying for maintenance is not unusual because they are getting the benefit of living in the property while the other owner/s isn't. Another way this can be managed is for all maintenance costs to be shared and the resident owner pays the non resident owner rent for the half share they don't own. But this is not popular with residents either.
Its all very messy unfortunately and selling up straight away is usually better.

Surely you can see why no parent would be ok with that. It just looks like you want to take their inheritance.

Why is she being unreasonable? People can do what they want when it comes to relationships and house purchases. She has no legal or moral obligation to buy a house with this guy if she doesn’t like what he is proposing. I don't think I would in her position. It’s not unreasonable of him to want to pass his interest to his children (although the terms he’s suggesting are) but he can’t force other people to agree to this. Heck, she could decide that she doesn’t want to buy a house with him because she doesn’t like the colour socks he wears.

You’re exactly right and that’s a huge risk, which is why the trust and the lifetime interest is so important.

Don’t do it. I don’t care whether it is the done thing I would never accept these terms or being treated as though my life in my hime was on suffereance.

This is what I'm facing. The law has changed since we moved here (France) so DH can't leave his share of our property entirely to me. I'm not spending the next however many years pouring my heart and soul and hard earned money into this place, which was supposed to be my forever home, to have his DD own almost half of it if DH dies before me. But that's how it is. So we'll probably sell when we're finished the renovation and I'll buy somewhere 100% in my name.

My aunt told them to whistle, but it's a consideration nonetheless. I don't know where they thought the care home fees had been funded from.

It's a good question. My mum has a neighbour whose cheeky son in law has his eye on her house and is constantly going on about how she should change the kitchen. She tells him he can change the kitchen when she'd dead and gone but he still apparently goes on. And he's the son in law, not her actual daughter. I'd be changing my will to leave it to my grandchildren.

Op why not ask for this to be moved to Legal Matters. There are a couple of solicitors who post on there. Aibu is not good. You are getting a lot of misinformation on here . . .

Well then they can whistle. If it’s been spent on care fees, it’s been spent on care fees and no longer exists to be left through the will.

Maintenance is exactly that, not betterment, but on the other hand op could improve the property with new kitchen, bathrooms etc if she wanted.

As long as uou can live in the house until you die his plan is reasonable

There's another issue here too. If your DP needs care and his half of the house is used for care fees. This happened with my uncle, who had dementia. His first wife died young and he had three kids. He remarried. When he died, my cousins still expected their half, but it had gone in care fees.

See my above point. The poster is entitled to ALL the proceeds from the property if she sells and can purchase any property up to the value of the current house. If it is less, she has to account to the trustees for the money unused.

Make sure the trust is drafted in the most generous terms and that you have complete freedom to do as you choose. Clauses that seek to limit your ability to sell the property and buy something else are often void, and it would be foolhardy for the husband/partner to try to restrict the clauses.

Op I do feel you are going about this the wrong way. Treat it as a negotiation. See a solicitor - not the one acting for your partner, and ask them about clauses that can be included so you will be free to do as you please.