AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

Plenty of married couple do this, leave their half of their property to their children to avoid care costs in older age.
His children don't have to maintain a relationship with you after his death, they just have to wait for their inheritance.
This is fair at your ages if you're both putting the same amount of money into the property.

I think this is a perfectly normal arrangement. An alternative may be that a fixed amount is earmarked for repairs from his estate and if anything needs doing to the house this money is used for that purpose.

OP, I totally get what your concerns are. I’m in a slightly similar position - my DP is selling his house and moving in with me, then we plan to buy a place together. I am child-free (by choice); he has two adult children. Both of us own our houses outright and will be buying a new place 50/50.

We are both making wills leaving the house to the other when one of us dies. We live in a lovely area, and plan to move very close by if/when we can, and neither of us would want to sell the house when the other dies. DP’s kids will get his 50% after we both pop off and my nieces and nephew will get my share. We are in our 60s so a bit older than you.

You’ve mentioned marriage a couple of times (sorry if this point has been made already but I’ve only got up to page 10 so far). Have you considered inheritance tax issues if you are not married? The surviving partner would be liable for it on the other’s death. If you have a property worth over 325k, you will fall into the inheritance tax bracket. If it’s significantly more, there will be a significant amount of inheritance tax to pay.

I have never wanted to get married so we are planning to have a civil partnership which gives us all the same legal rights, including exemption from inheritance tax on the partner’s death.

I think I’m right on this but if anyone knows better, please say! Otherwise, like many have said, you need to see a solicitor to talk all this through. Your partner’s caveats seem very unreasonable in terms of his children having a say in what you do to the house - hopefully he’s just not thought through the implications.

My dad has bought a house 50/50 with his partner. Their written agreement is that his half will go to me and my brother and, similarly, her half will go to her children. After the first one dies, the other has 6 months to either sell up or pay half the value to the inheritors. Clear cut and saves things dragging on for years.

No it's not. It is her home, not theirs.

@Itisallgoingtobeok

could you not buy a house mainly yourself but with a lump sum contribution from
him (as he has the funds) ? Or he pays for any upgrades you both want to do ?

then his current home could be sold & the funds invested (or rented out).

how old are you both!

I wouldn't put myself in the position of no longer owning my own home. He could live with me or I'd do as above. But I wouldn't be tied into an agreement where his kids have a say over my home if he dies first AND his kids shouldn't have to wait untilyou die or sell to inherit.

I mean OP should be cautious and avoid this arrangement entirely as the children’s interests are not her interests at all. The poster to whom I was replying was handwaving away the fact that the DP’s position is that the children excercise considerable power over the cost/upkeep if the house after DP’s death. They would have the right (seemingly) to dictate OP’s maintenance costs for their benefit just at the time of her life when her income may be fixed.

It's not a question of whether or nor it's reasonable and fair. Your heart doesn't want to do it, so don't. It can also be problematic if you decide after his death that you want to move at some point. Not impossible, but difficult.

Sorry this was a reply to
mrsneville
Then why does he want specific wording put in.

What about if the house is valued say withing 3 months of his death. 50% of that valuation is what his kids get when you die or when you sell up.

Any equity increase after that valuation doesn't come into it. So maintaining the property and home improvements that you pay for will have no bearing on what the kids get. The house is yours but the 50% value at his death is what they get.

No expert so there may be reasons that this can't work but just an idea.

I wouldn't buy a house with him for the reasons you are concerned about.
What about other options such as moving into his current property and renting yours out? Or rent out both properties and rent somewhere together. Do you even have to live together?
Either way I'd be holding onto my house in your shoes.

It would be foolish not to be cautious.

But that's exactly what you have when you and your partner buy the house.

Because if you're elderly and newly bereaved, you very likely don't want the massive upheaval and want to stay peacefully in your own home.

hope it all gets resolved!

But renting the dealing with landlords is hell. Part of the reason for owning your own home is removing that stress and humiliation - no-one in their right minds would court it.

I do not think it is either
Having people his children or not dictating what / how / when you do things no way.

Why does he insist on that specific wording ? Giving his kids free rain to dictate to you.

Maybe they would badger / bully you untill you caved in and sold to get the money.
Just dont go ahead with it, trust your instincts.

Live apart if you want to continue the relashioship .

DF spoke to my sister (the executor) and said she must be allowed to live there after his death and then we would inherit. His DP has form for creating a raucous where money is concerned and he knows this, but "I'll be dead so won't care". My DM did not live in the house, he bought it with the divorce settlement. I'm not bothered about not inheriting but his partner and her adult DC are CFs of the highest order and I'd rather raze the house to the ground than them getting it.

Not sure why he has to "support" a woman, that sounds like a very old fashioned concept?

I don"t know how old you are but the smart solution seems to be to just keep your separate properties, have a relationship and make separate wills, houses are much harder to sell now, it is a bit of a leap from two unsold properties to inheritance planning on another property with adult children involved IMO, and I know of people who have had wills changed by a partner with children to the children"s benefit before the partner died without the person"s knowledge, legally I think in all of the UK a partner who has co-habited with someone in their house has rights to remain there but if not explicitly stated in the will things could get tricky if adult children want to sell a parent"s property, or live in it

This man does not seem to know what he is doing. Sorry OP. Cuddos he is a very dedicated father but he has 0 clue what does it mean to love and support a woman, since the original wife died and it has been a very long time single...

what is that attracted you to him?

Or buy them out?

As long as it’s clearly laid out on the will that you have the right to remain there until you die or sell then I don’t see the issue

my parents weee tenants in common. My dads half came to me and my siblings when he died put into a life interest trust for my mum who retained the right to live there until death or care home or she sold it and she was responsible for all maintenance to make sure it remained in good order

no no issues at all

Hell would freeze over before I left my share of my house to a partner instead of my children. Your DP is being fair to everyone by stipulating that you be allowed to live in the home for the rest of your life. If he left it to you, what happens when you die? I doubt you'd leave it to his children, especially if you met someone else.

If you didn't want them to have a say in your home, your best option would be to sell up and buy something that was just yours with your half of the sale price (or not to buy with your partner in the first place).

My grandmother solved this when she got remarried - she bought house 1 that they lived in, he bought house 2 that they rented out. On their deaths house 1 went to her family, house 2 went to his.

Don't buy a property together. Rent your homes out and rent a place together. Joining finances when you have dc's is tricky at best.