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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider care for my autistic child to protect us?

112 replies

Myunhappyheart · 16/07/2026 23:06

I am considering putting my child into care.

she is nearly 12. Autistic. Doesn’t go to school. NO ONE helps. I’ve been begging and pleading for help from the GP, CAMHS, police, school, children’s services for years and years.

in the last few days I’ve had been scratched so it bleeds, punched so hard it bleeds, had a bottle thrown at my face, bitten. Kicked. You name it. The language from her is disgusting.

it’s having a profound affect on both me and my other daughter.

I cannot keep doing this. There is no where left to turn now. I have done my best for both my children.

i cannot live like this any longer.

I am not that overwhelmed with it. I’m not anxious or depressed. This is a real, raw situation now. I can ruin her life and protect my other child’s.

when she hurts me i don’t feel pain anymore. I don’t react. I just use myself to protect my youngest child who is so wonderful, compassionate, successful and having her life ruined by the eldest. She deserves a life better than this.

OP posts:
Vinvertebrate · 16/07/2026 23:54

I’ve got a PDA’er and I understand what you’re going through OP. 💐

Original poster
Myunhappyheart · 16/07/2026 23:49

notatinydancer · 16/07/2026 23:43

This is from chat gpt

  1. Ask for an urgent CAMHS review (or the learning disability/autism team if they’re already under one). Explain that the aggression is occurring in multiple settings and that you’re concerned about everyone’s safety.
  2. Contact your local authority Children’s Services and ask for a Child and Family Assessment because you’re struggling to keep your child and others safe. They can assess whether respite or residential support is needed.
  3. Request an emergency review of your child’s EHCP (if they have one). A specialist residential school may be appropriate if local provision cannot meet their needs.
  4. If there’s an immediate risk of serious harm, call tel:999 999 or go to A&E. A mental health assessment can be arranged if necessary

i spent an hour with our wonderful GP just yesterday putting yet another referral in to CAMHS. He was wonderful. Hopefully for a diagnosis of PDA and selective mutism. And to support her and the violence.

I called children’s services Tuesday. Begged for help. They said someone would call me back urgently. They haven’t.

the IDP is a joke. No one has done it properly. It’s filled with factually incorrect nonsense. I’m taking the school to tribunal for DD. There’s a wonderful woman at the LA who is going to re write it and keep it LA maintained as I have requested interim section 19 whilst she transitions into new school. But too late coz that was so traumatic for her in the second day she can’t go back.

OP posts:
Baking07 · 16/07/2026 23:47

I agree.
I think you have to save your other child.
Residential would be best.
I am so sorry it has come to this, but your other child deserves a chance of a peacsafe childhood.

Yetanotherscaredamerican · 16/07/2026 23:44

If your child is violent, it is possible that putting her in a different care setting would not be making her situation worse. Despite everything you are doing, her needs aren’t being met. It is possible that no human or group of humans can do better, but you don’t have to frame seeking additional help as giving up.

If a placement of some kind is the best path for her, I hope you find one.

notatinydancer · 16/07/2026 23:43

This is from chat gpt

  1. Ask for an urgent CAMHS review (or the learning disability/autism team if they’re already under one). Explain that the aggression is occurring in multiple settings and that you’re concerned about everyone’s safety.
  2. Contact your local authority Children’s Services and ask for a Child and Family Assessment because you’re struggling to keep your child and others safe. They can assess whether respite or residential support is needed.
  3. Request an emergency review of your child’s EHCP (if they have one). A specialist residential school may be appropriate if local provision cannot meet their needs.
  4. If there’s an immediate risk of serious harm, call tel:999 999 or go to A&E. A mental health assessment can be arranged if necessary
notatinydancer · 16/07/2026 23:40

I’m sorry I don’t know how you would access this sort of care but it is no way any failing on your part. I hope it works out for your family.

YourAquaLion · 16/07/2026 23:37

You’re not being unreasonable at all, you’ve done all you can and you need more support in any form. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your other daughter. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

MyOtherProfile · 16/07/2026 23:27

She needs more help than any single person can give her. You've done what you can and it's time to let her get what she needs elsewhere.

So sorry. It must be heartbreaking.

Sweetbeansandmochi · 16/07/2026 23:27

I am not saying residential schooling is not an option but it is not a quick option.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I tried to help a family once, with a child who was violent - and I found there was nothing. No support groups, charities or advice. It is a huge problem.

Do you have any emotional support?

Marmalady75 · 16/07/2026 23:26

I can feel the pain in your post. My heart goes out to you and your youngest. I don’t know what to suggest in terms of legal stuff or social services, but for the sake of all three of you, I urge you to find out what the next steps are and how you can support both your kids in the best way for each of them.

cestlavielife · 16/07/2026 23:20

Sounds like she woukd benefit from residential school placement maybe 52 week a year.
Tell ss and lea
Go visit some options like priors court

TakeThatAndParty81 · 16/07/2026 23:16

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Reading your post, it doesn’t sound like you’ve given up on your daughter—it sounds like you’ve spent years asking every service you can think of for help and have reached breaking point.
No parent should be expected to manage repeated violence without meaningful support. Being scratched, bitten, punched and having objects thrown at you is serious. Your younger daughter also has the right to grow up feeling safe in her own home.
If you genuinely feel you can no longer keep everyone safe, asking Children’s Services about voluntary accommodation under Section 20 of the Children Act 1989 is not abandoning your daughter or failing as a parent. It is a legal option that can be used where a parent is no longer able to safely provide care, and it may allow your daughter to access the intensive support she clearly needs. You would still retain parental responsibility.
When you contact Children’s Services, be very clear:

  • “My child’s behaviour has become violent.”
  • “I cannot keep myself or my younger child safe.”
  • “I have repeatedly sought help from CAMHS, school, my GP and other agencies.”
  • “This is now a safeguarding issue.”
  • “I need an urgent assessment and emergency support.”

If your daughter becomes violent again and anyone is at immediate risk, call tel:999 . That isn’t punishing her -it’s responding to an immediate safety risk.
I really hope someone finally listens. You and both of your daughters deserve the right support.