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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel I've been lied to about China

267 replies

Sulettamercury · 16/07/2026 22:47

I'm well aware the country is far from perfect but no where is and I've just come back for the summer after spending 2 years there working as a teacher I'm going back in a few weeks.

What I can't get over is the fact all my friends seem to be indoctrinated into thinking China is this 1984 style hell hole where you can't criticise the government or do anything without being in constant fear.

I have to say living there really opened my eyes and I was shocked when in my first months of teaching one of the Chinese workers (now a good friend) started openly moaning about government policy and I'll admit I was nervous at the time but soon realised nothing would happen and that despite what I was told no one came after her and she didn't disappear and that every one was moaning about government policy if it didn't suit them with no consequences.

The infrastructure is also wonderful and far from the cheap rubbish you're told it is and housing isn't all on the verge of collapse or at least no worse than some of the rubbish I've seen here in the UK

Again it's definitely not perfect but AIBU to say I I feel like we're lied to in the west about how bad China really is and that some of the things we accuse them of we either do ourselves or we blow out of proportion?

OP posts:
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PrincessFiorimonde · 17/07/2026 01:06

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:46

I won't argue with your points on China but it's a little bit disingenuous to talk about slavery then call our cites vibrant and historical when a lot of that architecture was built on the money from exploitation and slavery.

That's NOT an excuse for any of the things you listed just something to think about as we can't pretend we're some sort of pinnacle of virtue and both York and London are the products of Roman invasion and occupation

Isn't it 'a little bit disingenuous' to imply that the historical slavery on which cities like London and York were built is exactly the same as the modern-day slavery many commentators have reported on in places like Xinjiang?

Here's a thought. We can't go back in history to change the former. But is there any pressure/influence, etc. that could be exerted today to try to put an end to the latter?

saraclara · 17/07/2026 01:04

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 01:02

Perhaps that poster has a point and I'm a bit thick but they seem to think I'm some sort of Chinese delegate.

I'm torn between you being a stunningly naive 23 year old, or a Chinese bot.

MinLynn · 17/07/2026 01:03

What is a Chinese delegate?

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 01:02

MinLynn · 17/07/2026 01:00

I wouldn’t get too het up about this one. 🧐

Perhaps that poster has a point and I'm a bit thick but they seem to think I'm some sort of Chinese delegate.

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saraclara · 17/07/2026 01:01

MinLynn · 17/07/2026 01:00

I wouldn’t get too het up about this one. 🧐

Hmmm. Good point.

I'll take that as my cue to give up on this one, and go to sleep.

MinLynn · 17/07/2026 01:00

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:57

I find it pretty depressing that someone can spend two years in a country and remain totally oblivious to the genocide within it, and all the other cruelties.

But I suppose if you spend the whole time in an expat bubble enjoying what a city like Shanghai, for instance, can offer, and show no curiosity about the rest of the country, it's quite possible to do.

I wouldn’t get too het up about this one. 🧐

Squirrelsnut · 17/07/2026 00:59

I taught a child whose mother had been taken by the Chinese government for speaking against it. As far as I know, she never reappeared.

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:58

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:54

We supply weapons to Saudi Arabia to use in Yemen where children starve to death and have done for a very long time which of course isn't and excuse for China (I feel I have to say this otherwise I'll be misunderstood).

Apples and oranges. It really is. Just as thinking that the contrast between London and York is germane to anything.

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:57

I find it pretty depressing that someone can spend two years in a country and remain totally oblivious to the genocide within it, and all the other cruelties.

But I suppose if you spend the whole time in an expat bubble enjoying what a city like Shanghai, for instance, can offer, and show no curiosity about the rest of the country, it's quite possible to do.

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:54

PrincessFiorimonde · 17/07/2026 00:50

Absolutely this. Plus all the posts from @saraclara and others about the Uighurs.

PP have also mentioned Tibet, the treatment of protesters in Hong Kong, punishment of practitioners of Falun Gong, etc.

We supply weapons to Saudi Arabia to use in Yemen where children starve to death and have done for a very long time which of course isn't and excuse for China (I feel I have to say this otherwise I'll be misunderstood).

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PrincessFiorimonde · 17/07/2026 00:50

ExtraOnions · 17/07/2026 00:28

China is the world's leading executioner, putting thousands of people to death each year.

46 offences carry the death penalty including: Corruption, Bribery, Treason (and that’s a very fluid crime), desertion from the army, refusing army orders, flooding, Cowardice on the battlefield, “endangering public safety through dangerous means.

The number of executions is a closely guarded secret, but thousands upon thousands.

Not to mention the 3 million in Education Camps.

Hundreds of thousands of premature deaths and incidents of serious respiratory illness have been caused by exposure to industrial air pollution.

500 million people in China are without safe and clean drinking water.

Forced Labour and Modern Slavery is rife, especially against minorities and, immigrant labour

What a Utopia

Absolutely this. Plus all the posts from @saraclara and others about the Uighurs.

PP have also mentioned Tibet, the treatment of protesters in Hong Kong, punishment of practitioners of Falun Gong, etc.

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:46

Ponoka7 · 17/07/2026 00:37

Well London is a vibrant city and York, both historical and rural. The stark difference isn't execution, slave labour and cutting the legs of live dogs/cats and cooking and eating them in the street. Are we forgetting Chinese people taking their pets to the top of buildings and throwing them off during Covid? Or children locked in apartments with grandparents and when they were opened up, many of the grandparents had been dead for days? It's only 9 years ago that the one child policy was stopped. Baby girls were left to die of exposure/starvation. I made the mistake of watching, 'the dying rooms' 1995, while heavily pregnant. It's fantastic if things are improving, but as said, there's a lot of legal abuses that happens.

I won't argue with your points on China but it's a little bit disingenuous to talk about slavery then call our cites vibrant and historical when a lot of that architecture was built on the money from exploitation and slavery.

That's NOT an excuse for any of the things you listed just something to think about as we can't pretend we're some sort of pinnacle of virtue and both York and London are the products of Roman invasion and occupation

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Ponoka7 · 17/07/2026 00:37

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:09

I assure it is real and if you read the thread I've clarified that I'm questioning myself which is why I started the topic.

Of course one place isn't representative of an entire country just like London is nothing like York

Well London is a vibrant city and York, both historical and rural. The stark difference isn't execution, slave labour and cutting the legs of live dogs/cats and cooking and eating them in the street. Are we forgetting Chinese people taking their pets to the top of buildings and throwing them off during Covid? Or children locked in apartments with grandparents and when they were opened up, many of the grandparents had been dead for days? It's only 9 years ago that the one child policy was stopped. Baby girls were left to die of exposure/starvation. I made the mistake of watching, 'the dying rooms' 1995, while heavily pregnant. It's fantastic if things are improving, but as said, there's a lot of legal abuses that happens.

Dragonflyspeeding · 17/07/2026 00:34

Interesting topic.
I tend to skip all the posts from people who have never been to China.
But the posts from people who have lived there and are living there are very interesting.

I know a few Chinese parents in my kid's primary school. They are a mixed bag. Some/most are very very wealthy. Their kids went from primary to expensive boarding schools and private schools. They drive brand new cars. Money is no object. E.g. one bought a BMW during his lunchbreak.
Another is not well off. Very strict with her son. Too strict as her son rebels and is badly behaved. Parents seemingly value education and push the boy to do extra curriculum maths, language and art classes but never sport. Then when the child was offered a place in a very good school, they turned it down because the other school was more convenient. I never understood it.

LilacPuffin · 17/07/2026 00:31

Family values? God give me strength.

BunfightBetty · 17/07/2026 00:31

plsdontlookatme · 16/07/2026 23:08

There are a lot of human rights issues in the UK, too, it's just that most people are lucky enough to be naive to them.

Oh yeah, it's totally comparable. Can't get a fag paper between the two, in fact.

ExtraOnions · 17/07/2026 00:28

China is the world's leading executioner, putting thousands of people to death each year.

46 offences carry the death penalty including: Corruption, Bribery, Treason (and that’s a very fluid crime), desertion from the army, refusing army orders, flooding, Cowardice on the battlefield, “endangering public safety through dangerous means.

The number of executions is a closely guarded secret, but thousands upon thousands.

Not to mention the 3 million in Education Camps.

Hundreds of thousands of premature deaths and incidents of serious respiratory illness have been caused by exposure to industrial air pollution.

500 million people in China are without safe and clean drinking water.

Forced Labour and Modern Slavery is rife, especially against minorities and, immigrant labour

What a Utopia

ClawsandEffect · 17/07/2026 00:28

I couldn't agree more @Sulettamercury. I lived there for 3 years and now regard it as my 2nd home. I'd go back in a heartbeat.

The western propaganda we get about China is unrecognisable from the reality. China is 10 years ahead of the West in many ways. But also has rock solid family values and focus on education.

My betting is that the vast majority of people with firm anti China sentiment have never been there.

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:26

WatermelonSalad1 · 17/07/2026 00:26

Wait, you have family members in China?

Wouldn't you know more about it than we do?
And you were saying that you have returned - so you already lived there? What's going on?

No I have family in the UK I've come back to the UK for the summer sorry for the confusion

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WatermelonSalad1 · 17/07/2026 00:26

Wait, you have family members in China?

Wouldn't you know more about it than we do?
And you were saying that you have returned - so you already lived there? What's going on?

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 17/07/2026 00:24

rhodrhi · 16/07/2026 23:28

OP have you read about the re education camps in Xinjiang? The forced labour of detainees or the way they are committing cultural erasure and placing severe restrictions on the practice of Islam? The forced sterilisation and abortion? RSDL, holding people in secret locations for months (enforced disappearance)? The total dismantling of Tibetan identity? The sinicization and mandation of religion? The referring to women who do not wish to have children or marry as extreme feminists? The banning of LGBT topics? The execution of more people than the rest of the world combined? (Also for some completely non violent crimes. Think something like counterfeit money smuggling). I get where you are coming from. It is wrong to think everyone in China is.like this or supports this but it is naive to not think that China isn't a terrifying place, in parts. I've spent a long time there.

Exactly this. Do you know how they treat Christians and practitioners of Falun Gong, for example? And if they decide that you’ve been a bit too vocal in your criticism of the State, they don’t just come after you. They come after your family members too.

A dangerous place to be a citizen.

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:24

LilacPuffin · 17/07/2026 00:23

Thank you

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LilacPuffin · 17/07/2026 00:23

Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:12

Do you have a link to where I can get it as I would be interested in reading that

https://www.waterstones.com/book/waiting-to-be-arrested-at-night/tahir-hamut-izgil/joshua-l-freeman/9781529922752

The book is called Waiting to Be Arrested at Night.

saraclara · 17/07/2026 00:22

What is happening in Xinjiang, and has been happening for more than a decade:

To feel I've been lied to about China
Sulettamercury · 17/07/2026 00:19

Lipglossed · 17/07/2026 00:16

I’m sorry this just does not ring true. After living in China for two years, you will have many friends there - probably both Western and Chinese if you’re in a major city, as you seem to be.

Surely you talk about China with them pretty much all the time? Why would you be coming on mumsnet to “check yourself?”

Because I've returned for the summer to see family and I'm acutely aware that two years is not a long time and that while I'm there as folk have pointed out I'm only seeing a small slice.

MN is a large public forum and I can get a much larger set of responses that won't hold back for the sake of my feelings etc just like you haven't and if you don't believe me there's very little I can say or do and that's fine you're entitled to that opinion.

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