Is my DH manipulating or should I give him the money?

Thanks be to fxxk.
What have i just read.
Mother of god, quite terrifying to read.
You are an abused woman being financially used.
Of course he wants to get you stuck in his country, and use the baby as a bargaining too.

Tell him absolutely nothing.
Get home with the baby asap.

Do not say a word.
Hide your passports.
Get away from him asap.
He is so far ahead of you.

I think you need to spend some of that salary on therapy for yourself @mcrlover to get to the bottom of why you have ended up in this situation with a man like this.
Do not move to his country.
Do not hand over half of your salary.

What are you teaching your child about healthy relationships? She deserves more than a father like this.

Impossible most likely unless he agreed.

Coming to this thread late, but what nonsense @mcrlover. He doesn't have "burnout". He just isn't very good at sales and so is either going to have to do what he isn't good at, reposition himself as an employee in a firm where other people do that, or retrain to do something else.

I'm not knocking him when I say that. I think I am amazing at delivering a product, but I'm rubbish at sales so probably the same as your DP. However, I accept that and still earn mid-six figures and deal with the fact that people who are less good at doing, but have the gift of the gab, earn two or three times what I do.

He needs to get his priorities sorted and get a job.

DO NOT under any circumstances move to his home country.

You sound so far away from a relationship where this can be manageable. Even really strong relationships can struggle with all the challenges this entails. Think of DD. He is the one who decided to live in the uk - so he needs to man-up and stick to his decision. Put the ball back in his court as to how much he is prepared to give to you and DD.

(he is also tight as a rats arse and a freeloader, from your description, which is not an appealing characteristic)

Echoing everyone else please don’t move to his country. Perhaps he can go ‘home’ alone for a while to get over the burn out.

Let him take his burnout, savings, home to mum and dad if he likes. He can heal there if he thinks that is what it will take. But don't support him financially.

Well is he going to give you half his savings? If it’s all in the family pot then fair enough. I personally would fine it hard to live with someone who had no personal income (except for a few years if they are looking after kids full time)

There's ALWAYS an excuse with these men. Their job is always magically harder than yours, their circumstances are magically more trying. There is always a reason why they should get their way whatever the cost to you.

While its not ideal, if its all she ever knows then surely its better than having a cocklodger father?
My advice
Do NOT move to his home country
Do NOT let him take the child there
Do NOT give him half your earnings

@mcrlover
Hes extracting the urine pure and simple
If he's all burnt out it's amazing how still on his own money ball he is
He's no respect for you just seeing you as a soft cash cow
The nerve to say you should pay him whilst I bet he's accruing interest on HIS savings which you'll probably more than likely never know fully about
You've no pension and have a baby ffs
If I were you I'd leave
It's no use being civil to someone who actively plots to undermine you whilst you dither over your own hard earned money he's trying to ponce so openly off you
Use your head
Toughen up and another thing
Does he really care for the baby as well as he claims??

WTF?! I left my parasitic ex husband for similar behaviour. I was so much better off without him.

Please do not move to his country, talk about isolating you and making it harder to leave him. There are so many horror stories about this - just don’t….

He is a gaslighting, lazy prick!!! Do not give him 1/2 your money - he isn’t even doing his share of household tasks!!! Just concentrate on you and your DC.

Then leave , run as fast as you can and when you stop, run some more…, he is a very nasty and manipulative man.

Just seen that you have decided not to move! Great decision OP. ✊Stick to it like a limpet with a giant tube of superglue in its pocket.

So when you were pregnant and after your baby was born the expectation was that you were still responsible for 50% of your household costs, even when you were earning nothing, and would use up all your savings? Now you are earning well the expectation is that you pay more than 50% of household costs and, in fact, give him money to preserve his savings. Hell no.

Did he split his income with you when he was making hay and you were in a lower paid job? No. Why is he entitled to half of yours? How utterly ridiculous.

If he's not contributing around the house, he needs to up him game. He needs to pay half of childcare and all bills. He has money it's in his name, so don't give him anything - treat him like he did you. He can work, he's choosing not to.

Keep savings and pensions in your name only.

I'm not sure your relationship is going to survive if I'm honest. I so sorry. He sounds completely unreasonable.

This was the scenario in the book "Strangers". Man persuades bride with mega assets to sign prenup. But he has no pre marriage assets, to speak of. He has earning potential. But the prenuptial says what each earn in the marriage is their own - he makes $$$$$$$$ while she is a SAHM, but they share what they BRING to the marriage.

I'm other words, we share her assets, while I keep mine.

3 children later he left her, pretty unceremoniously.I

I quickly scrolled back to check if you were married. Imagine if you were married to this man and living in his home country. He is mean and lazy.

Cannot stress this enough.

You’ve no pension but you do have a baby and a partner who doesn’t want to work but does want half your salary!!!

Hes not a partner , he’s a millstone.

Time to grow up; save, start up a pension and dump the sponge if he won’t pull his weight.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't move to his country OP. If you do, within a very short amount of time it will legally become your child's 'habitual residence' which will mean that you cannot leave with your child to come home (or to move to another country) without your partner's permission. You could even be prevented from taking your child on holiday, or bringing them back for Christmas or to see your family. This will be the case even though you are unmarried and will continue to be the case if you separate. There could also be visa issues in the future which could mean that you are forced out of the country but your child remains with him. The legislation which would trap you is called the Hague Abduction Convention and it has become the weapon of choice for abusive fathers. More info here. www.hague-mothers.org.uk/for-mothers/

Wait! He was prepared for you to pay everything towards your baby, even when on maternity leave, and from savings? What kind of "man" would do nothing to support his own new child, let alone his partner, the DC's mother? Do you really need to ask, OP. Please raise your sights - either insist he steps up (if you actually have any respect left for him), or ships out. Make it clear that his avoiding responsibility is unacceptable. I hope it goes well for you and DC.

Also I’m thinking it’s a very terrible idea to move to his country. Will make it very hard for you to leave with your child.

I’d say that if he takes over all the household and childcare tasks you’ll put more money into a shared account. I don’t understand why you would “give him” half your income. I mean pay the bills etc but why give him money (unless he is doing all household chores and childcare) in which case it might make sense to have a joint account for costs.

Look you can dump him or you can play to his strengths and get this to work.

He is literally a work horse with a track record but he cannot ever do the networking bit.

DH is autistic but he is absolutely stellar at the people bit but he set up a company with another guy (also autistic) who was stellar at the “doing” bit. It really worked. DH did less of their skill set but he did the people bit.

Can you do the “people” bit and let him do the “work” bit.

Autistic people are often spiky so there strengths are beyond the pale but their weaknesses are incredibly weak.

Dont marry him. Ever. Dont leave the country with him, and i cant believe he thinks he should have 50% of your net salary. What a massive tosser and why on earth would you think this is a good idea? Dont you want to put money aside for your dd that he cant touch?

You already know he wont give you or your dd a penny of his own savings. He would much rather openly take your money. Does he think you are thick? With any luck he will push off abroad.

Its a terrible role model for your dd, both of you! Come on!