Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

364 replies

worryingday · 16/07/2026 21:26

Me and my cousin are both getting married next summer only about a month apart. We are inviting the whole family including them. They are inviting almost all the family (including other cousins) but excluding us… We are having similar sized big weddings, ours is slightly smaller. They haven’t explained why we’re excluded. We’re still as close as ever, see them regularly along with all the other family members who are invited, and they have accepted our invite (obviously hasn’t officially gone out yet).

I know you can invite who you like but it just feels really awkward with them being part of our wedding plans and getting updates but they talk about theirs and we’re not invited…

Im not going to exclude them from our wedding but AIBU to feel a bit awkward?

OP posts:
Agrumpyknitter · 16/07/2026 22:03

dancingdeidre · 16/07/2026 21:58

I think you need to speak about this to your cousin, because otherwise you will feel silenced by her and the rest of the family.
You might say: 'Anne, it feels weird that you are coming to my wedding when Mum and I haven't yet been invited to yours. Are you planning to invite us?'
If the answer is 'Sorry, must have left you of the list somehow, of course you are invited', then there's no problem.
If the answer is silence or a change of subject or 'well, actually...' you could say 'OK, it's your wedding and the guest list is up to you, but in that case you are not invited to my wedding. It would feel too strange having you there when you've excluded me'.
There's no need to avoid her in future or ask anyone else to take sides, but at least it's clear.

I agree with this. Have the conversation. If you don’t get invited to your cousins wedding and it makes you feel weird then don’t invite her either. You want to feel good on your wedding day not feel awkward or less then.

CypressMoon · 16/07/2026 22:02

I think I'd drop her a note and say, 'Hi, I'm feeling quite awkward now about including you in my wedding plans when you have excluded me and my family from yours, so I am sure you will understand it's best that we scale down a bit. We won't be expecting your family at my wedding now, any more than you are expecting my family at yours.

dancingdeidre · 16/07/2026 21:58

I think you need to speak about this to your cousin, because otherwise you will feel silenced by her and the rest of the family.
You might say: 'Anne, it feels weird that you are coming to my wedding when Mum and I haven't yet been invited to yours. Are you planning to invite us?'
If the answer is 'Sorry, must have left you of the list somehow, of course you are invited', then there's no problem.
If the answer is silence or a change of subject or 'well, actually...' you could say 'OK, it's your wedding and the guest list is up to you, but in that case you are not invited to my wedding. It would feel too strange having you there when you've excluded me'.
There's no need to avoid her in future or ask anyone else to take sides, but at least it's clear.

Myswweetchild · 16/07/2026 21:54

@worryingday but you don't know the answer, you just feel you do
I'd have to ask - put yourself out of this misery and uncertainty.
And if you are definitely excluded, I'd have no qualms not inviting them to mine.
( Did you expect to go on the Hen do ? Is your cousin expecting to go on yours?)
I don't think you're as close as you state, given that you don't want to ask.
It would drive me mad not knowing why.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 21:45

I don't have siblings. It's looking like my mum isn't invited either but we're less certain.. I'm not sure if they're just being weird about telling her clearly that she's invited because they're not inviting me.

All other cousins and aunts and uncles are invited without exception.

We're the kind of family where if anyone had a birthday, christening, party we'd always invite every single one of us. No one would ever be excluded. They have still excitedly accepted several party invitations, plus informal wedding invitation from us so I don't think we've done anything wrong.

I am about 99% certain I am not invited. As other family members have been told the date and to make sure they're free, invited to a hen do WhatsApp, and there's just a weird reluctance to give any information away to us even when we discuss weddings like the date or hen do plans.

I don't really want to ask why because I feel like I know the answer. For her there's a hierarchy in the family I was never aware of and sadly I'm lower than my other cousins. It's a really rubbish feeling and just making things very awkward.

OP posts:
Littlemisssunshine1982 · 16/07/2026 21:42

Have they actually said you are not invited or have they sent out invites and you haven’t got one as I would have to ask in case it went missing in the post. If you are definitely not invited then I would ask why not and also I’d have to ask her “do you not feel awkward about coming to my wedding when you’ve invited all the family and not me” I’d call her out on her shitty behaviour that’s really poor form. Has she invited you parents and siblings?

BillyBites · 16/07/2026 21:37

So, if you haven't sent out the official invitations yet, then I would reconsider inviting them. They don't appear to have any qualms about upsetting you, after all.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/07/2026 21:36

Fuck that. You need to ask her.

thepariscrimefiles · 16/07/2026 21:36

That sounds pretty rude andmean of them not to invite you when they've invited all the rest of the family except for you and when you have invited them.

I'd feel very uncomfortable and hurt. What does your family think? Are your parents and siblings (if you have them) invited?

ExitPursuedByABare · 16/07/2026 21:36

That would really annoy me. Can’t you uninvite them?

FaceIt · 16/07/2026 21:35

Very odd.
Are you absolutely sure they’ve excluded you.
If they genuinely have, sorry they’re arseholes.

Myswweetchild · 16/07/2026 21:34

Can't you just ask them ?
(You said they haven't explained why you're excluded......have you asked ?)
So strange.

Iloveacurry · 16/07/2026 21:34

Have they not invited other cousins as well? Can you just invite them to the evening instead?

TomatoesintheGreenhouse · 16/07/2026 21:30

"All the other family members"?
So why haven't they invited you?
There must be reason.

Swipe left for the next trending thread