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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

364 replies

worryingday · 16/07/2026 21:26

Me and my cousin are both getting married next summer only about a month apart. We are inviting the whole family including them. They are inviting almost all the family (including other cousins) but excluding us… We are having similar sized big weddings, ours is slightly smaller. They haven’t explained why we’re excluded. We’re still as close as ever, see them regularly along with all the other family members who are invited, and they have accepted our invite (obviously hasn’t officially gone out yet).

I know you can invite who you like but it just feels really awkward with them being part of our wedding plans and getting updates but they talk about theirs and we’re not invited…

Im not going to exclude them from our wedding but AIBU to feel a bit awkward?

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 16/07/2026 22:44

Is it because you've booked yours v near theirs?

Itsthewoluff · 16/07/2026 22:44

Well I’m not sure I could b be quite so civilised about it all.

Gowlett · 16/07/2026 22:44

Anyahyacinth · 16/07/2026 22:42

Could they be upset about a wedding so close to theirs..who announced first? Could they think you’ve planned things they wanted to do..or some other perceived infraction?

Yes, maybe Cousin A or Aunty B are moaning to them about two big weddings coming up…

GreatThingsAwait · 16/07/2026 22:43

I’d feel disappointed about not being invited and I’d wonder if there was a reason but my first thought would be that they had a lot of friends to invite and that her side of the family is big. There is always going to be some family members that you are closer to. There is always going to be a cut off somewhere. I wouldn’t think it was nasty of them but maybe a little thoughtless.

Anyahyacinth · 16/07/2026 22:42

Could they be upset about a wedding so close to theirs..who announced first? Could they think you’ve planned things they wanted to do..or some other perceived infraction?

Gowlett · 16/07/2026 22:42

worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:36

No neither of us has ever been homophobic or anything like that. We have got on really well with the future wife for 10 years, and been very encouraging of my cousin settling down with her. We sometimes even socialise with other family members and the future wife without my cousin.

We're not sure if my mum is invited or not. I think she will be. I think they're just being weird with her because they haven't outright told us we're not invited yet / sent the invitations so there's no shadow of a doubt.

Show quote history

It’s not that, then. So, your mum might be going but I see what you mean, the vagueness stems from you not being asked.

It could be a numbers thing. Are the parents paying? Maybe a few neighbours, their friends are on the list. You got bumped out.

Myswweetchild · 16/07/2026 22:41

I think @worryingday that as you suspect, your cousin's future wife has comandeered the invite list and you haven't made the cut.
As you still want to have them at yours, then I agree with @TomatoesintheGreenhouse - you'll just have to accept it.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:41

I think what's most hurtful is until relatively recently I assumed maybe they were just inviting very immediate family and then friends. No other cousins or aunts and uncles. And then I found out that everyone else has been told the date and invited to the hen do group. And aunts and uncles are saying to me: how do you not know the date? Why aren't you in the hen do WhatsApp group? It's so awkward. It is getting to the point where my cousin will need to confront it head on because other family members are asking questions.

OP posts:
Pinkgin00 · 16/07/2026 22:40

I could understand if they were having a wedding on a much smaller scale and no cousins at all were invited, but to purposely exclude just you and your family is weird, especially if you are close .

TomatoesintheGreenhouse · 16/07/2026 22:37

worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:05

I'm not going to uninvite them from my wedding. That would feel worse than them just not inviting me, and I think my family would think so too.

Ultimately I've had a vision for my wedding for a long time and she's part of it. It would feel more awkward for me and ruin the day if I excluded her.

In this case, the awkward feelings are (or should be) on their part. Don't lose sleep over it; just be the bigger person.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:36

Gowlett · 16/07/2026 22:32

Why is your mum not invited? And by extension, you… Is this a gay marriage? Two women? Might your mum have said something?

No neither of us has ever been homophobic or anything like that. We have got on really well with the future wife for 10 years, and been very encouraging of my cousin settling down with her. We sometimes even socialise with other family members and the future wife without my cousin.

We're not sure if my mum is invited or not. I think she will be. I think they're just being weird with her because they haven't outright told us we're not invited yet / sent the invitations so there's no shadow of a doubt.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 16/07/2026 22:32

Why is your mum not invited? And by extension, you… Is this a gay marriage? Two women? Might your mum have said something?

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:31

JustSawJohnny · 16/07/2026 22:28

I could NOT be so much of a doormat to invite someone to my wedding who excluded me from theirs.

You say do so would make you look bad Op BUT not doing so also makes you look pathetically weak, IMO.

I see you ignored the part where I said: "Ultimately I've had a vision for my wedding for a long time and she's part of it. It would feel more awkward for me and ruin the day if I excluded her."

I'm not going to ruin my day by choosing to not have someone there who I love and who has been a big part of my entire life and supportive to me through all the bad times. That is my reasoning. It's not pathetic or weak to me.

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AImportantMermaid · 16/07/2026 22:31

Are you better looking/more successful/richer/have a nicer house/a better job/more popular? Sometimes jealousy can make people act weird.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:29

Also I was one of the first people they told when they got engaged and part of a small group they invited to an engagement party! So after that surely most people would assume they're invited?? It's all so odd.

OP posts:
JustSawJohnny · 16/07/2026 22:28

I could NOT be so much of a doormat to invite someone to my wedding who excluded me from theirs.

You say do so would make you look bad Op BUT not doing so also makes you look pathetically weak, IMO.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:26

TappyGilmore · 16/07/2026 22:24

YANBU. Yes obviously people can invite who they want, but the polite thing is not to bang on about plans in front of people who haven’t been invited.

I’m not sure that your theory about not inviting you because you have a child really holds up - surely the normal thing would be to invite you and your partner, and specify “no children” (and it’s then up to you and your partner to decide if you want to/are able to attend without your child or if you will decline the invite).

No I agree. It's just wishful thinking really as if that was the reason it would feel a bit less hurtful, and trying to rack my brain for what the reason is.

OP posts:
TappyGilmore · 16/07/2026 22:24

YANBU. Yes obviously people can invite who they want, but the polite thing is not to bang on about plans in front of people who haven’t been invited.

I’m not sure that your theory about not inviting you because you have a child really holds up - surely the normal thing would be to invite you and your partner, and specify “no children” (and it’s then up to you and your partner to decide if you want to/are able to attend without your child or if you will decline the invite).

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:15

I've got a few theories as to why this might have happened but it's all just speculation really..

I have a child so maybe she really didn't want lots of children at the wedding (I am the only cousin with a child). Or felt she would need to invite all 3 of us and didn't want to use up that many places.. I would have understood if my child wasn't invited though.

My cousin's future wife is pretty wedding mad and has been talking about her vision for her wedding for like 10 years. I suspect she might have taken over the guest list and be inviting loads of people and only letting my cousin invite a small number / making all of their shared friends come out of my cousin's guest allocation.

But it's just speculation really.

And ultimately it comes down to the fact that she could only invite a certain number of people and I didn't make the cut but other cousins did.

OP posts:
CypressMoon · 16/07/2026 22:14

worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:05

I'm not going to uninvite them from my wedding. That would feel worse than them just not inviting me, and I think my family would think so too.

Ultimately I've had a vision for my wedding for a long time and she's part of it. It would feel more awkward for me and ruin the day if I excluded her.

That's a lovely and mature attitude. But it is such a shame you are excluded from hers. People will be discussing hers at your wedding. Can you ask her mother why you are not invited, if you get on well with your aunt?

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:09

Velvian · 16/07/2026 22:07

Is it something silly like they got engaged before you, but your wedding date is before theirs/too close to their wedding and you have broken their unwritten rule @worryingday ?

No because we only very recently set our date and booked the venue. All of the informal invites to family members and hen do stuff happened before that. They have always been aware they were invited to our wedding next year, they just didn't know exactly when it would be until recently.

OP posts:
Velvian · 16/07/2026 22:07

Is it something silly like they got engaged before you, but your wedding date is before theirs/too close to their wedding and you have broken their unwritten rule @worryingday ?

workitoutt · 16/07/2026 22:07

This is really weird. You just need to ask. It might be a painful conversation, but it’s worse not knowing imo.

dancingdeidre · 16/07/2026 22:07

worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:05

I'm not going to uninvite them from my wedding. That would feel worse than them just not inviting me, and I think my family would think so too.

Ultimately I've had a vision for my wedding for a long time and she's part of it. It would feel more awkward for me and ruin the day if I excluded her.

OK, you know what you want to do which is what matters. Hope you have a lovely day.

Original poster
worryingday · 16/07/2026 22:05

I'm not going to uninvite them from my wedding. That would feel worse than them just not inviting me, and I think my family would think so too.

Ultimately I've had a vision for my wedding for a long time and she's part of it. It would feel more awkward for me and ruin the day if I excluded her.

OP posts: