AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

Whose wedding is first? I wonder if there is a bit of jealousy.

That is so shit. Sorry Op, that would be a tough one for me to get over.

You said the bride had been planning what wedding she wanted for 10years. Did they have everything planned and booked then you booked a date close to theirs?

What about your mum? I'm sorry your cousin is just a bit ill-mannered.

That’s really rubbish, I’m sorry. Is your mum invited?

It's fairly basic wedding etiquette to invite everybody at the same level, unless there are serious reasons not to. So you invite all siblings or none, all aunts/uncles or none, all cousins or none. Not a hard and fast rule of course. It's natural to feel hurt if you have been left out but your cousin is the one who should feel awkward. Anyone asks you why you're not going tell them to ask her.

I honestly don’t think you could improve on this ^

It’s so odd that someone needs to ask your cousin what’s up. You are obviously close enough if you were invited to the engagement party. There’s either a misunderstanding or your cousin is actually a bit of a arsehole because excluding you is incredibly unkind.

Please just ask her and put us all out of our misery. I can’t bear it.

You must know that you’re not being unreasonable to feel awkward.

Because it’s utterly bizarre that it’s happening. Extremely bizarre.

As this is someone you see regularly, and feel you are close to, then you need to just ask her.

Say that other cousins have said they've been invited and they've also been invited to the hen do whatsapp group, but you haven't, so you are wondering what is up and how come only you (or is it you and your Mum) haven't been invited ?
Then you will find out if it is a mistake, or you will make her explain it.

Otherwise it is just going to eat you up.

Dear cousin, I’ve heard on the family grapevine that you’ve booked your wedding day and hen do, so pleased for you. Just checking whether we need to keep some dates free?

answer will be clear within 24 hrs, likely sooner.

I think you need to put distance between you. If f she asks why say I thought we were closer than we actually are

Kindly OP, if what you say is true (that she isn’t inviting you - for some reason you don’t seem sure) then the vision of your special day is based on a relationship that isn’t real. It might be for you but clearly isn’t for her. Do you really want to include someone in your day who has shown you such disdain?

I honestly don’t get this kind of beating around the bush. How on earth hasn’t one single member of your family, invited or uninvited, not said ‘why isn’t worryingday on the WhatsApp?’ Or ‘why isn’t aunty or cousin invited’. Life would be so much easier for so many people if they just talked honestly and openly.

OP had already said, very sensibly, that she's not going to do that.

Also it would be a really explosive thing to do when, at this point, she doesn't actually know if they're invited or not.

I would uninvite her. Just send a message saying - in light of not being invited to your wedding I’ve decided that it’s best if you don’t come to mine.

aunts and uncles are saying to me: how do you not know the date? Why aren't you in the hen do WhatsApp group? It's so awkward. It is getting to the point where my cousin will need to confront it head on because other family members are asking questions.

Presumably you've told them that you've not had an invitation?
Your choices are to ask an aunt or uncle to ask the brides if they've forgotten to include you and your mum, or to contact your cousin yourself and say that other family members are asking you why you're not included on the WhatsApp and could she clarify whether you're part if the wedding or not.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that your not invited. It's all a bit awkward, but ultimately someone needs to ask.

Is your wedding before or after theirs? They may be angry if they’re total bridezillas who feel that you setting a date so close to theirs has taken all the attention off their wedding.

Just be honest with folk and say you’ve not received an invitation… perhaps she’s forgotten? Or sent to the wrong address?

I'm confused. Have the invitations for your cousin's wedding been sent out? How come your mum doesn't know whether she's invited or not? Surely she was either sent an invitation it she wasn't? Or have formal invitations not been sent and it's just been word of mouth?

If the latter, I'd be assuming that somehow your verbal invitations have been overlooked. If the former, it's still possible that it was lost in the post.

What conversations have taken place that have led you to believe that you're not invited?

I think they're making a horrible mistake, and I can't imagine what they're thinking. What a shame, OP, but it's their problem, don't let it be yours. I think you're quite right to carry on and include them.

No wonder your cousin knows she can treat you like and get away with it, you are basically inviting her to treat you like a mug.

Not sure what the point of this thread is as you’re adamant that you want to be a martyr.