AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

The OP said her cousin was cagey about the dates they had in mind when the OP was asking. So the OP booked her dates not knowing when her cousins wedding was.

Could not one be in May and one at the end of July? Or June and September? It’s expensive for guests at 1 month apart but even then, why does it matter to the brides? It’s all a bit childish really.

Oh - and OP, DO invite them to your wedding! They'll have to come, and since they're upset about your wedding being a month before yours, they'll hate every second! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP, you do realise that your wedidng being a month apart from your cousin's is the entire reason for this?

Also, I wouldn't be too quick to lay all the blame at the feet of the other bride. Your cousin is an equal participant in her own wedding, and if she wanted you and your mum to be invited, you would have been.

My cousin never spoke to me again after my wedding was a month before hers, even though we had got engaged before her and I am a bit older than her. I couldn't put it off another year. I can imagine my husband's reaction to being told he needed to wait another year to get married because my cousin's a vain cow! 🤣

All this is to say, yes, some people really are that pathetic, petty, and competitive.

So the other bride gets to invite her family but your cousin doesn’t get the same?

she invited the other cousins and really strange you and mum aka aunty didn’t make the cut esp as all see each other

only you can decide whether to go in the evening / guessing be lots of other guests there as well tho friends not family only doing evening

OP, this is an appalling situation for you but especially your mother. It speaks volumes to who they are and what their future will be.

Be honest if asked but do take the high road.

Your own wedding is your time to celebrate your marriage with those you love. Don’t let this action affect your plans.

I’m sorry if this creates a rift with your cousin. Consider carefully what you want your future to be. I would avoid anything inflammatory that could cause greater division.

Please consider something special with your mum. It can’t take away the pain, but perhaps create joy in its place.

I am so sorry you are in this position.

All very well the ‘explanation’ given to you but how are you not invited due to other favourite cousins siblings being more important when even her aunt isn’t invited? If it were true surely she would invite your mum and leave out one other cousin as well as you? Sounds like they’re clutching at straws to avoid saying it’s because of your dad sadly.

If Aunts etc are asking you why you're not in the Hen night WhatsApp group just tell them you have not received an invitation to your cousins wedding and neither has your Mum. If you have not sent out wedding invitations yet if seriously reconsider sending your cousin to your wedding but instead send an invitation to evening instead.

I would tell family that ask, and those that don't, that you haven't been invited and are a bit hurt. Don't make excuses for your cousin. Take the high ground and let her come to yours. She will look like a dick.

This is really awful, OP, and I think it sounds like your cousin is going to have her work cut out for her marrying someone who wants everything her own way and will not even compromise a tiny bit to invite all her loved one's family instead of some work colleagues, causing ructions in your family relations! It's a shame your cousin isn't prepared to stand up to her even at this early stage! Leave them to it and I'm sure your cousin will learn her lesson and apologise a few years down the road. Rise above it and I bet other relations will be on your side but the main thing is to enjoy your wedding which you are planning with kindness and fairness! Enjoy your day!

I've already agreed that I'd be upset and hurt. And I'm furious about the treatment of OP 's mother.
But I also understand that OP wants get family to be intact for her wedding. And if she responds in the ways that some posters have suggested, her family will end up splintered further, and well beyond the weddings.

I believe my post to be very measured and gives a view of how I would feel in this situation - certainly not soap opera! Otherwise I’d be advising OP to have a hair pulling fist fight preferably in a pub, where she finds out her cousin is really her Mum.
Anyway I hope you take as much trouble writing to the other 95% of us who would be upset and hurt because EVERYONE in the family has been invited except OP and her widowed mum!!

Agree!! Not a chance. I wouldn’t be at the evening do either.

Or Perhaps older and wiser (and in some cases) personal experience of how these things usually go.

You couldn’t pay me to do this…besides being quite pathetic, OP’s cousin doesn’t want her there for whatever reason. So why on earth would she turn up at the church gate? Bizarre.

OP this sounds like a really tough situation and I would be very hurt in your shoes. Personally I would be cutting ties (I don’t say that flippantly - I am extremely close with my cousins, but this would be enough to make me do that) but I do understand why you may be reluctant to do so.
Very, very hurtful.

Now you see to me the cousin’s future wife wife sounds a tad controlling. All her family and friends no compromises. Mutual friends on the cousins guest list. Cousin side compromises made. Wouldn’t you think think this is controlling? I would.

Sounds to me @worryingday that your cousin’s fiancee knows that cost of everything and the value of nothing - and your cousin has fallen into the same trap. They do not sound like nice or thoughtful people and I’m really sorry you’re upset.

Everyone's saying don't invite them, because they're not the people who would be affected by a further breakdown in family relationships.

Mumsnet threads are frequently like this. Posters come here for entertainment and encouraging soap opera-like behaviour that they don't have to face the consequences of is more entertaining than saying 'tread carefully and think through the fall out of the various options open to you'.

You also said you suspected this would happen when your father died. Leaving someone out because their father died is despicable behaviour - if he was here, your mother would definitely be invited, as you too I suspect.

You have referred to this a few times throughout your thread:

’ I don't really want to ask why because I feel like I know the answer. For her there's a hierarchy in the family I was never aware of and sadly I'm lower than my other cousins’

You have said this throughout

In the 90s I had a couple of years when there were summer weddings every few weeks ( among close friends if not family) Is this one wedding a year a new phenomenon?

I can’t understand why the OP and her mother have taken second place to fiancé ‘s work colleagues though. That’s the hurtful bit.

OP said her mum had known the family since her teenage days, so the relationship goes beyond “related by marriage “

I do understand though that OP is protecting her mother here and doesn’t want a rift before her own wedding day.

Your cousin’s partner has heavily loaded the dice in her favour to your disadvantage. Other family members are making this clear to them but nothing changes. I’d keep well out of this wedding and their future relationship as I suspect there’ll be a lot of trouble ahead. Marriages should be give and take.

Your cousin is treating you and your mum very, very badly - to leave you both out after inviting everyone else is cruel and nasty.
I don’t think I could forgive this and I would want to speak to cousin face to face, just the two of you - I don’t think she understands the enormity of what the decision actually means to you, your mum and possibly the rest of the family.
Would your mum speak to cousin’s mum and dad about how hurtful all this is? I guess probably not.
It would be just three of you as well (without your child) which isn’t much in the grand scheme of things especially as EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE FAMILY HAS BEEN INVITED!!
I understand your hurt but I couldn’t be the bigger person in all this.
I’m not sure what you want from your post as almost everyone is saying don’t invite them and you’re saying you’re going to however badly it’s hurt you and your mum.

Look at the other posts. It’s not just a one off.