How common is autism among close family and friends?

No one in my family and extended family and friends.

I'm in my sixties with children in their thirties and have only very rarely met anyone with autism in my life, as far as I'm aware I've met 2 people with it.

It is genetic so of course it is more prevalent in certain families. Autistic people tend to connect with other autistic people so many autistic people have children together. The associated genes are also highly correlated with intelligence and intelligent people tend to be attracted to each other and socialise/ work with others who share their interests which again increases the likelihood of marriages between autistic people and the genes being passed on, compared to generations ago when people generally chose from a much smaller pool of potential partners in their local area. Then of course you have far better research and diagnosis now than even a couple of decades ago so many people would have gone through life previously being unaware that they are autistic - which can be turturous, so thankfully now many more of those who are autistic are actually diagnosed.

I spoke to a geneticist about this when my children were very small and they stated that with two parents with neurodiversity our children were highly likely to carry these genes. They also pointed out that the genes would not have become so widespread if they were not beneficial to society. To flourish society needs dandelions and orchids and effectively these genes are like a highly-leveraged evolutionary bet.

Research shows, for example, that positive childhood experiences have an outsized positive impact on autistic children compared to the population average. But so do negative ones: adverse childhood experiences have an outsized impact on autistic children. In effect it is a magnifying glass, which is why it is so imperative for the whole population that we ensure appropriate support and schools are in place (currently, they are not: 85% of children with poor attendance or out of school entirely are autistic, but the Government refuses to acknowledge this systemic failing to provide adequate and suitable educations environments for autistic choldren).

Many neurodiverse children will become some of our most successful, innovative, productive people if they are given the right support (hence so many successful and important scientists, artists, mathematicians, inventors, composers, entrepreneurs etc being autistic or having ADHD, vastly disproportionate to the prevalence of either in the general population). But it they are not, they will generally crash and burn (which is one reason why our prison population has an extremely high prevalence of people with ADHD who did not receive appropriate support in childhood).

Human society needs dandelions which can weather storms, grow back in adverse circumstances, and provide stability. It also needs those who think differently, create new ways of doing things, challenge ideas, but this comes at a huge personal cost in many cases like when society wants to take the upside of this and yet not provide the right support to protect those who are more fragile. Orchids need more nurture and can’t thrive in any environment. They won’t grow back if stamped on. But if they are nurtured they can flourish into something very beautiful.

I hope we are gradually moving towards people understanding this - for which there is now quite a lot of genetic evidence - rather than focusing only on the downsides to the overall population and not the upsides which the non-autistic population often fail to recognise or acknowledge, portraying autistic people as a burden when they would not have half of the comforts of modern life if autistic people didn’t exist.

It’s an interesting thought experiment to consider what society might be like if autistic people were the majority and it was designed around their preferences and needs rather than the other way around. What I find most ironic is that when autistic people spend all day every day accommodating everyone else’s needs and preferences because we know we’re the minority so it’s understandable that the world is not designed for us, the non-autistic population often makes an enormous fuss about the slightest accommodation in return even if it has minimal or no effect on them, and then accuses autistic people of lacking empathy (which has been thoroughly debunked anyway, but people do love their ignorant stereotypes).

My husband has a lot of the traits that point to autism. I think it's quite likely that he would be diagnosed if he had an assessment. He's 71.

I have always lived my life on the edge of social circles. I know a lot of people but only have one or two that I call friends and see socially from time to time. I've known them for over 30 years. I'm aware that I'm a bit different from other people in the way that I interact with them (or don't!). When I met DH in my teens, we seemed to gel because we both disliked most of the things that young people were supposed to like in those days.

Our grandchild and two grandnieces are autistic and another two have ADHD.

Alcohol dependency can be indicative of ADHD. There are quite a few people in my family with ADHD diagnosis and when I look back to previous generations there were quite a lot of alcohol dependency. I never realised the link until fairly recently. Makes me wonder if ADHD might have been present in previous generations.

Loads. My DC generation of relatives almost all have some form of ND diagnosis. And looking back through the generations there are loads of people with significant indicators but diagnosis wasn't a thing.

Sdd has autism, I went for ASd assessment- negative.
2 of my best friends have autistic children, my cousin has 2 autistic children and dh has many traits.

There may be more people than you think. Anecdotally a lot of people on the spectrum don't see traits in family members because things like having certain very fixed preferences and discomforts eg over clothing seams etc are completely standard for them.

I have seen a lot on here and also in life (eg an acquaintance who thought that most school-age children find it distressing to wear shoes).

One of my kids grandparents I am pretty sure would get a diagnosis today. They were super academic (off the scale) but had huge social issues. I suspect my mother probably today would get a diagnosis. There are lots of people in this thread saying similar. I think people probably masked a lot more in previous years.

One of my DC has an ASD diagnosis. I have no doubt the other one would get one (and/or ADHD) but we haven't set the wheels in motion yet. Both my brother's DC have diagnosed ASD.

Me, my brother and my Dad I reckon could all get an ASD diagnosis but none of us have ever pursued it. DH and various members of his family have a few traits each but maybe not enough for a diagnosis.

Dd is autistic. I have autistic traits (not diagnosed). Dh has adhd. Ds has adhd. This is a really fun household to live in sometimes. Obviously that's sarcasm.

Niece is undiagnosed autistic (some very similar traits as my dd).

I wonder how many generations it can skip. I come from a large family and I am the the only one with autism.

Our youngest DS has autism and it’s really made us look at ourselves and also older DC more introspectively and realise we’re all probably sitting within the spectrum somewhere. For example, my DS has no time for shit he isn’t interested in. If he gets bored, he’ll just walk away. I WISH I could do this.

There are times where I’m just bored out of my mind and really really don’t want to be there to the point I’m uncomfortable mentally, but society expects me to sit so I do. I wish I could just walk off like he does instead. I really respect that about him and admire it to be frank, however much of a dick that makes me sound.

DH has 2 cousins diagnosed but that’s it AFAIK. One of them sits reading quietly at family events and I also admire that and would love to do that too.

I understand it's highly genetic. According to Simon Barron Cohen (professor/clinical psychologist at Cambridge and cousin of Sasha) if your sibling has a diagnosis for autism you are 200 times more likely to also have autism. One of my family has a diagnosis but I suspect all of us in the nuclear family would get a diagnosis if we pursued it. Looking across wider family I see a significant number who would likely get a diagnosis too. One of two have a diagnosis. There are also diagnosed dyslexia and ADHD within family. So my perception is that it is more widespread than we understand

At least 7 in our extended family, at different points on the scale. I know of GC of friends too.

No it’s just that if you’re NT you tend to stick to your people and if it’s not in your genes then you’re less likely to have it in your family, too.
Autistic people tend to know a higher percentage because it’s genetic and we flock together. I can spot someone pretty quickly and I know that we will get along.

My son has severe ADHD and autism. He is adopted and it's definitely genetic ! I know the birth family.

I have one already diagnosed ADHD child who school are convinced is also autistic waiting assessment.

my sister and ex are also on waiting list.

I have a friend who I suspect is - her husband and daughter are diagnosed adhd and her son has a lot of autistic traits.

another friend whose daughter is diagnosed and I suspect may be as well.

i do wonder about myself sometimes….

Prevelance is nearly 3% in males and it's thought the difference in females is due to under diagnosis. Heritability is 80% ish. So it's not really that surprising that you find a child has it and so does a parent and siblings.

Researchers do, however, seem to be coming to the conclusion that what we call Autism is actually several different conditions that have a lot of overlapping symptoms. Presumably most of which are also highly heritable. So we may see some changes to our understanding in the next decade or two.

Until very recently, experts confidently asserted that autism only affected men and boys. Now we know that is nonsense, the other 50% of the planet is being seen and acknowledged and so many women being diagnosed. So there's one reason for an increase. Mum's late cousin who was considered a 'peculiar genius' by the family only started being assessed when she was in her 80s.

And people who were previously just dismissed as stupid, awkward or strange are now receiving more respect and being properly identified.

They were always there. They're just being seen.

No formal diagnosis, but DH, DS and FIL all have pretty strong traits - DH and DS are very aware of this, FIL is either oblivious or refuses to acknowledge. Recently DD has suggested she has traits too, which I hadn't picked up when she was younger, but as she is now a primary school teacher with a specific interest in SEND she recognises some traits in herself that she sees in children with a diagnosis.

I think it's way higher than this. Many people I know inc close family.

That’s exactly the point I was making.
It seems that many MNetters, I won’t say most, appear to have ND in their family. So many, in fact, that ND seems entirely normal…

Growing up, my sister had autism.

As an adult, my 3 kids have autism, one of which is profoundly affected. Non verbal with a developmental age of 12-18 months at almost 5 years old.

Their father, grandma on father's side and myself all seem to have lots of traits.

Im almost certain us 3 adults would be diagnosed if we were assessed.

1 diagnosed adult daughter with ADHD and son in law also diagnosed ADHD. 2 granddaughters both diagnosed ASD and ADHD. I suspect my husband is also ND but he is not diagnosed.

I dunno mate, doesn't sound like those are friends. Or at least doesn't sound like you're a friend.

My son is Neurodivergent and I parent my socks off with him, including literally consulting several schools of medical and educational professionals and wearing myself out completely being on high alert to manage any issues he has. I definitely get judged by people like you.

My 5 year old daughter I could parent while half asleep. The child takes herself to the loo, washes her hands, picks her toys up, can be reasoned with, is able to tell me all her needs and how her body feels if she's unwell. I parent her generally with as much effort as I parent my son but when it's just me and her people will cross the road to compliment me on my parenting. Old ladies beam at us across cafes charmed by her. And yet I can literally phone it I , totally relax because it's very unlikely she's going to do something out of the ordinyor dangerous or offensive.

My son though on some settings has gotten up and bolted from cafes, become overwhelmed and curled in a ball under a table or in a walkway etc etc, there is no taking your eye off the ball.