How common is autism among close family and friends?

My friend shows so many signs of autism. She's undiagnosed and untreated.
She knows she has ADHD (undiagnosed but again so, so obvious) but she is surely AuDHD.
She doesn't know that she is autistic too. All her strategies and adaptations are unravelling for her at the moment because she is peri.
Constant burnout and in trouble at work too.
She'll never go for a diagnosis because it costs a lot and she will be screened through countless questions. She hates being perceived and hates lots of questions.
From what she says about her mother (deceased in her 60s) - I assume that she got it from her.

Two of my children are autistic. My cousin's daughter is autistic and my husband's cousin has two children who are autistic.
One of my nieces is waiting for a diagnosis but it's very likely she's also autistic. I have a strong suspicion my dad is also autistic but as he's 82 he's not likely to bother getting a diagnosis.

My mum's family - four siblings, loads of kids and now grandkids and not one of them remotely asd. They are all mega sociable, sporty, outdoorsy people with few over-obsessive hobbies.

My dad's family - nearly everyone is asd. No one was diagnosed until the 90s but you can see the traits so clearly in my dad, his sister, his parents, my cousins.

My brother and I have a lot of traits but weren't diagnosed. Both his sons are diagnosed. I adopted - guess what, both children were diagnosed!

As a result of having children in the asd world, I ended up knowing a lot of parents with asd too. I get on so well with them.

My husband's family is huge - his mum was one of 9. Not one relative has any traits

If you are ND then it's highly likely your family are and you're drawn to people who are similar to you, so your friends are too.

Also what is 'managing well'. DS is autistic, I'm not diagnosed but 'passed' the triage so on the waiting list so must have a higher chance of being autistic than average!

You'd probably have thought I was fine back when I worked in retail, but I had to quit the job after three years because I was fantasising about harming myself to get out of going in. I was not fine, but if I'd served you on the till or helped you pick out a party dress for your child, you'd never have known.

It's genetic so it's unsurprising if it runs in families.
Im autistic, as are both my sons.
My niece is undiagnosed but clearly ND! Ive been saying it since she was 3. She's a grown woman now.

Growing up, I always knew my family was different, it wasnt until my sons came along and were severely autistic and during their assessment professional attention turned to me that it all fell into place and hen I realised my dad's strangeness, my sister's... all ND.

There's something very wrong with my mother too but its not autism.

Looking back, I can think of a few girls who might have masked and I agree that we were better trained by the end of my career. However that doesn’t change the fact that the learning environment was almost always calm and pleasant. The vast majority of pupils were cooperative and were able to work independently, in pairs or groups as directed. Very few refused or were unable to participate fully or take an active role in their own learning.

Yep, sleep issues are a major "thing" with ND, as are food intolerances and allergies. It's really interesting how much of my "health issues" are actually probably because I'm autistic.

I find it interesting that there are physical traits associated with autism and ADHD. Hyper mobile joints for example and I think gut issues and the latest I read was lower melatonin production.

Of DS1's original reception class of 30 (now Y5) three kids have left due to autism (two to special schools and one HE). There are a number of kids still in the class who are ND.
My other son's class has so far had two DC leave for special school and at least two more who are diagnosed with autism.

Children mask at school. Teachers have been shown for decades to be largely oblivious.

Well first primary school my DC went to was the one designeate the area center for autistic kids within main stream school - so knew quite a few.

My family it's not autism - it's ADHD - it's rife across counrties - family has emigrated last few centuries - and generations just there we all manage to live productive lives. Also have dsylexia and dyspraxia and sensory and processing issues in mix. We tend to marry into similar families - to point assesors have had to tell us things we think of as normal aren't in wider population.

Adults with ADHD around 4% gloably google telling me so more than autsim at 1% - dsylexia it put at 10-20% - dyspraxia 5-10%.

Area we lived for a few years there was an usually large number of rare genetic diseases - it was a white population but I once made mistake of explained why there was a lack of gentic diversity and got called racists and ignorant followed round boards - it was widly known in area and GPs and studied by researchers but MN knew better. Sometime there a reason there for concentration of rarer conditions.

One reason I am here is kids needed more support in school especially in early years and primary boards were extremely useful when RL was very frustrating and full of critsim of our parenting - or TBH mainly me in Mum role.

It runs in families. Some families will have many neurodiverse members, both diagnosed and undiagnosed. Other families will have very few.

My DS was diagnosed at the age of 7. Nobody else in the immediate family (DH & I have 2 siblings each who also have children) has a diagnosis or appears to have any traits. However, I was interested to learn at a family funeral a few years ago, that one of my cousins on my DFs side has autism, as does one of his Grandchildren.

The nearest family members I know of are:

a first cousin once removed (my first cousin’s daughter) and a great nephew, who was recently diagnosed with AuDHD.

So no one in my immediate family (though my children suspect my husband is).

I am not aware of any friends with autism.

I suspect my Mum is autistic and my Dad has AudDHD.
My sister has diagnosed ADHD and dyslexia.

Like the cliche I am...I went and married a guy that reminds me of my Dad. I think he is also probably autistic.

What do you know: One kid has diagnosed AuDHD. The other has plain vanilla ADHD and dyslexia.

Didn't realise any of this until the first child was diagnosed. Then it was like "Bloody hell, suddenly my childhood (and my marriage) makes sense"

I don't think there's that many. But its strongly hereditable. And I'm personally surrounded by them.

I be the only one out of my whole family diagnosed that I be aware of (I was diagnosed young) Certainly none of my cousins/siblings be on disability like me

none of them be in contact with me though. Lucky i has friends to look out for me

Autism is being diagnosed in children broadly now and this carries both genetic and environmental reasons.

I think there might be some truth in this!

Same with family breakdowns and non-contact scenarios.

I’ll be honest. I came across MN last year when searching for something related to a TV show. One thing led to another and I began reading some AIBUs. It might be my age or the type of community I live in, but a lot of what is posted is very alien to me and though fascinating, is also incredibly sad and perplexing.

No you’re not. I would say that our family and close friends are similar to yours.

Looking back, there were very few ND pupils in my classes during my first 25 years of teaching from the mid 80s to around 2010. In this close knit community, I still see many of them socially and I then taught many of their children too!

From around 2015, there would be possibly 1-2 pupils with a formal diagnosis in each class but their needs were very mild.

I’m not doubting any parents here who describe their experience of autism in their families, but it’s not something I’ve commonly seen in 35 years of teaching thousands of children.

Because I know diagnosed children who are very open. Obviously no one knows what another person feels/how they cope not being that person.

I imagine that Mumsnet contains a disproportionate amount of posters with children with autism, (and given the genetic element, they are likely to also have family members with autism), as they are more likely to reach out or being searching online for support communities.

My DD1 diagnosed at 8, DD2 is 15 and we are waiting for the outcome of her assessment. Having spoken to the SALT I would be astonished if she isn’t diagnosed. I’m on the waiting list for assessment having gone through perimenopause burnout and depression recently. I’m convinced DH is but be doesn’t want to discuss it.

I have friends, neighbours, and colleagues with ASD and/or ADHD including friends I’ve known since my teens before I had even heard of this things. I was speaking to my therapist about this who thinks I have subconsciously sought out like minded people and a suitable career for my strengths and personality type. I feel surrounded by autistic and ADHD, they seem to be attracted to me 😁.

If you meet people casually then you most likely wouldn’t be aware. Autistic people who don’t also have other conditions are generally incredibly adept at masking and you would be completely oblivious to it unless you knew them very well or they decided to tell you.

Many people who’ve been more than casual acquaintances but not extremely close friends of mine are unaware that I’m autistic, as have been many work colleagues, and apparently all of my school teachers when I was younger.

I have no friends or family that are autistic or show signs