How common is autism among close family and friends?

Everyone in my family has significant traits. I am diagnosed, as is my daughter, and one of my nephews. But both my sisters are autistic and undiagnosed, and probably all their other children, and my mum (though she'd never admit it), and probably some of her relatives too.

My dad also has significant traits, but I don't really know his side of the family.

And my daughter is home educated, so all of her friends are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, as a lot of home ed children are (either because the family isn't mainstream enough to put them in school in the first place, or because they did go to school initially, but their needs weren't met).

I get that to some extent. Am thinking of the parents. One was an investment banker who would def fit your criteria - the others had more normal jobs. This was 20 years ago when reported autism rates were much lower.

Nephews on both sides of of our family and at least one cousin

The senco at the school I work in, also said the same thing. She's probably ignorant too. 😉

Interesting that several people are mentioning dyslexia. Is there a link between dyslexia and autism, i.e. if you have one, you're more likely to have the other?

My FIL is dyslexic and his late brother was autistic (as is one of his sons).

My husband has autism, as does his dad, mum and our oldest son.
My youngest has ADHD.
My dad and brother both have serious and severe dyslexia and my dad also has dyscalculia.

I am neuro-typical.

My eldest was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD in his late teens. It was a long wait and no surprise. Two of DP’s siblings are diagnosed with ADHD, one also with ASD. There is no way on God’s green earth that DP doesn’t have ADHD and quite possibly ASD. Also his dad. Our youngest is in therapy for severe OCD and autism has been suggested as a complication in his lack of progress. I think I most likely have ADHD and ASD myself. When I spoke about this to DS1, he said ‘Well, you certainly have two very strange children’🤣🤣 I also have two autistic cousins and a very late diagnosed autistic aunt who is now in her nineties (diagnosed in her late sixties.) Add to that ALL my son’s friends (birds of a feather …) and many of their diagnosed (and undiagnosed) parents with whom I have become acquainted, I know and interact with loads of people who are neurodivergent.

I think there are certain places in the country where you get very similar types of people living that aren't representative of the country as a whole.

Anywhere which has particularly high house prices so the only people who can afford to have children in the area are computer geeks or highly paid jobs such as doctors and pharmacists is potentially more likely to have this because it effectively naturally selects who can live there and autism is genetically related.

I moved my daughter to a new school at the start of year 3. There were 11 boys in her class and 9 of them were diagnosed asd. My daughter was diagnosed formally in year 5 - another girl was diagnosed in year 6 and another at uni (I was convinced they were both on the spectrum right from the off but didn't feel able to say anything and for school not to have noticed...).

Anyway that was at a bog standard community primary school. One third.

GPs and a lot of the NHS often are.

One of my sisters has undiagnosed Asperger’s high functioning Autism. She never got any help with it as my parents especially my mother were/are in total denial. She also is a hoarder, has ocd and probably bipolar disorder. And before anyone says how do you know, I’ve known her all my life plus I have a medical background. My first cousins son and one of my nephews are also on the spectrum.

Nobody who works in the field and no credible research has suggested anywhere close to that percentage. Your “GP friend” is spouting ignorant nonsense.

Of course usually they are compliant and participate and endure it, until they can’t anymore and end up out of school with a complete mental health collapse. The environment may seem calm to you but is totally inappropriate for many autistic children due to the sheer number of pupils per class and the level of noise and social interaction demanded. What you see at school is the masking. It doesn’t mean they are “fine”. This is the mistake teachers make over and over again and it’s so depressing that so many still haven’t grasped this even with all of the research demonstrating this unequivocally. In their ignorance they continually expound this “they’re fine” nonsense about any child who is well behaved and contains their distress inside, causing immense and irreparable long-term damage, and they almost always ignore the parents who actually see the damage when it comes out at home and have to continually pick of the pieces of their children who have been smashed to pieces by the school children and desperately try to glue them back together, over and over again.

This. Same as ADHD.

If you have lots of neurodivergent friends and family there's a fair chance you are too.

Indeed one comment I've heard is the best thing doctors could do when they had a child diagnosed is to also to automatically consider medication for the parents!

My nephew has a diagnosis... in retrospect I'm sure my late aunt was autistic and pretty sure my dad (her brother) is too.

Also, if you are my friend, you are almost certainly neuro divergent 🤣

A GP friend of mine said that the current estimate could be anywhere between 25% and 40%.

I have one adult child with a formal diagnosis but realistically all my kids are neuro divergent. If your kids are, you are....and/or their biological dad. My husband couldn't possibly be 😉

The issue with the word “spectrum” is that people think it’s a spectrum from a little bit autistic to extremely autistic. It’s more like a colour wheel, autistic individuals may find some areas less of a struggle than other areas.

I didn't realise autoimmune conditions were also associated with ND. That resonates a lot with my family - my DC and my parents! My GP was a bit shocked when I listed off all the autoimmune in my close family.

I do hear the challenge with the wide spectrum. Not sure what the answer is as the people I know who are probably considered 'high functioning ' are not really high functioning. For example one became extremely reclusive and hardly left their house in 30 years.

The sleep, gut issues - allegeries/hay fever and asthma and joint issues are common in my family.

Most family members though just carry on as GP aren't interested or can't help - so it help ourselves or cope till we can't then it looks like it's just that one member of the family when it's rife in all.

The sleep issues we'd spendt years managing as best we could were according to assessors a clear sign of ADHD.

My uncle, my son and his father, both of my nephews. My best friend has three adult children. All three.

When someone diagnosed with ASD as an adult is placed in the same category as my son it is clear they have had different experiences. For my o wondered if my son would live and for them they were masking.

For my son his childhood has heavily scarred him as he was not able to do sports at all ( had to be helped into the sack for the sack race and taken off curriculum) He was unable to access the canteen and needed all sorts of adjustments as even a fast pass did not work and he starved. He was pooing only his pants until aged 11 when they sorted out better meds and had all the pain and suffering.

i wish that people would volunteer more at neurodiverse groups and see the reality of what disability is at the lower percentile range eg in the 1 or 2 percentile. These adults cling together as they have no friends. They need organised groups to socialise or have to be velcroed to a PA.

I am most likely ASD by the wider definition . I do not say that lightly. Someone we know is an Ed Lstj and ran a school for ASD and nagged me to be diagnosed. I do not see the point as with it I am not disabled and can seemingly ‘mask’ and get on with things. We have no funds in this country and I mix with the adults and kids with high needs who will depend on the state to exist at all.

My son has no concept of masking. At aged 22 if he needs to talk to himself he does. If he needs to flap he does. He can’t help his wild mood swings - it’s hard to keep up. 2 days ago he made a noose with electric cables as he did not like a conversation I was having with his PA . Ten minutes before that he was all smiles. He keeps you on your toes.

I strongly worry about his future as the state gets eroded by the widening of definitions and more and more people wanting to access things like pip.

My son has the whole spectrum of physical issues and there are moves to place this type of ASD into a separate category like profound ASD and there is certainly no masking.

inability to swallow for 2 years plus
pneumonia from above
pooe inability to defend body so my son had cellulitis as a toddler
profound fits
severe glue ear requiring 2 sets of grommets and adenoids removal
inability to sleep so melatonin
inability to poo with severe constipation and now a permanently stretched bowel
severe dyspraxia
severe working memory disorder
severe receptive language impairment
issues with expressive language due to false starts
complete lack of body awareness when younger eg touching nose impossible
Major SPD and returning some OCD
Noticeable swift mood swings
small head or microcephalic aa a baby
low muscle tone / retained primitive reflexes

Masking was never an option and sadly we are let down by the one category of ASD - it’s lost its meaning.

Two of my nephews have a diagnosis of autism. 1 niece dyslexia, my daughter visual processing disorder and hypermobility, my sister and I dyslexia. My Dad almost certainly has some neuro diversity ( we all suspect autism) but he’s 84 so as a child he was just pigeon holed as naughty. My Dad has had a melt down because someone used the ‘breakfast mugs’ in the evening.
If a new person meets my family enmass I have to warn them that my family will question them like the Spanish Inquisition, it comes from a place of genuine interest - but none of them have any idea of boundaries or pacing questions - they all want all the information now. If it is a family party there will be around 40 of them doing this!
DH didn’t read till year 4, left school with zero qualifications, then got a degree in his 30s and is now one of the key opinion leaders in his field - so likelihood of some ND is very high. His industry likes ‘blue sky thinkers’, but also people who thrive on process - they work in different areas, but interact this is always interesting. DH is very process driven.
Then I also work in an industry that selects for ND as it needs problems solvers who can think out side the box - one of my team has ADHD, but I spend my team managing the clashes of last certainly other ND.
All of this can lead to times where DH, DD and I are all at home, but all overwhelmed so are off quietly alone doing which ever activity we use to manage our feelings of being overwhelmed.

My DD does this - I will be in the middle of explaining a question that she has asked and she ms literally just stop I’m bored now.

although one of the areas we need to work on is her inability to understand why people might think she is rude. I fully appreciate she doesn’t mean to be but her inability to be anything other than direct and to the point (and walk away!) means she gets in a lot of trouble for defiance and rudeness at school.