How common is autism among close family and friends?

Quite a few in my family, but it's genetic.

My son is complex needs - profoundly autistic, with limited communication. He also has ADHD.

My partner is diagnosed autistic. My FIL is likely both, but undiagnosed.

My friend has 2 autistic boys - completely different profiles. One similar to my little boy, the other verbal and without cognitive impairment, but huge sensory and social issues.

Another friend is AUDHD, diagnosed as an adult, her son is autistic including ARFID.

My eldest daughter and both my brothers are diagnosed with autism. My husbands brother is diagnosed with autism. 2 of my friends are diagnosed with autism, 2 others diagnosed with ADHD. They all have children that have been diagnosed with either Autism or ADHD. 1 of my husbands friends is diagnosed with Autism. I also have a friend who isn't diagnosed but I strongly suspect is ND who has a brother diagnosed with Autism and both her kids are on the pathway for diagnosis.

Me and DD have ADHD, DS diagnosed with Autism yesterday, Dsis has ADHD. A few women I know seem to think their kids have autism/ADHD, but they're not diagnosed.

Loads of neurodiversity in my DH’s family

DS has ADHD (diagnosed) and probably autism (will be a few more years before he gets a diagnosis)

DD has dyslexia and some ADHD traits

DH has some ADHD traits

Lots of friends have at least one family member with ND

Also, please let me know where to collect my riches. Having autistic children has so far cost me a very high sum of money in legal and medical costs due to illegal behaviour from schools and Local Authorities and the failing NHS (so paying for these services twice, through my tax and then again through post-tax income), as well as it having cost me my career progression because I have children off school for months at a time, and my physical health, not to mention the trauma that this illegal behaviour from schools and the Local Authority has caused to my children and the lifelong damage that has done during their formative years, and the family time that’s been stolen from us while they are little with me instead having to be locked in my study preparing legal paperwork to try to force these abhorrent human beings to simply comply with the law and do their jobs (while also being expected simultaneously to fund their salaries!).

I’d love to know where to collect these “riches” or, as a minimum, a sufficient amount to refund me for the large amount of money these incompetent and disgraceful people’s illegal behaviour has cost me, so if the “many” people with this “perception” could kindly direct me to where I can at least collect a refund - if not some compensation to put us back in the situation we would have been in if they hadn’t been breaking the law for the last 5 years - that would be lovely, let alone “riches” 😆i.e. me actually getting MORE money than I started with before these sub-humans having trashed our family life, health, finances, my career and my children’s education to date.

This is very exciting news! I can’t wait to hear where I need to go to collect the cheque which - even for a basic refund - will now be well into 6 figures.

It doesn’t sound that unusual for an autistic girl. Autistic people are individuals as well as have as much variation in personality as non-autistic people. That said, it may be worth you considering if actually she has ADHD as well as autism, because that combination in girls often classically results in the type of behaviour that you describe, but then extreme exhaustion after social interactions. Hyperfocus on topics of interest, talking incessantly, asking endless questions, immense stubborness but also huge sensitivity (which they hide around people they don’t know, pretending to be very confident) and sometimes all of the questions can be a combination of the thirst for knowledge but also partly a defence mechanism; asking others questions as a simple way to engage (because people generally love talking about themselves) without having to reveal too much of themself to others, so part of masking. It’s hard to say though from such a brief description because autism is a neurological condition, it doesn’t determine her personality!

My younger daughter was excessively chatty and some people thought that meant she couldn't be autistic as she had such "good" social skills.

But it was a masking technique. She didn't quite know how to act around other people so she had strategies instead. People often her annoying and inauthentic.

Later she was diagnosed with a clinical speech and language disorder and went to a speech and language school where they tried to teach her not to be so forward, but it never really got better.

The big problem we had was that she would talk to anyone - teachers, bus drivers, the postman - like they were her friends, like she didn't understand hierarchies of people. My other daughter has autism too and so do my nephews and none of them do this.

Autism can come out very different in different people. Your daughter's behaviour could benefit from some speech and languagecsupport tbh. It will make her vulnerable when she is older and out on her own.

Anybody who cares about children at all should watch this broadcast.

Yes, many teachers are bullied into compliance, over unlawful behaviour towards disabled children or even safeguarding issues. The state education system is now rotten to the core with law breaking being purported as normal: the rotten apples have spread their mould to almost the entire barrel. There needs to be a very robust regulator to root out every single mouldy one and throw it in the trash or the whole thing will continue to decompose.

There will always be deluded people who live in fantasy worlds. It doesn’t mean we should pretend their fantasies have any merit or let them drive public policy, which should be based on evidence.

I’m really sorry to sidetrack from the original question, but I was really interested in your response and wondered if I could ask about it?

My daughter is autistic, but seems to present quite differently to ND peers. Both of her best friends are also autistic, but I have noticed neither of them tend to ask many questions and are more likely to give information rather than ask for it (neither do they seem very interested in information about other people when it’s offered if I’m honest!)

My daughter is completely different. She loves asking questions and will give people she barely knows the Spanish Inquisition given half a chance. She’s very sweet and I think people are a bit taken aback, so they tell her all sorts!

She will remember things that people have told her, like if they’ve mentioned their Mum’s poorly or they’re due to have a blood test etc and will ask them about it. She’s really interested in my husband and I’s jobs and asks loads of questions about them.

When we go to zoos, galleries, museums etc she has endless questions and we often have to drag her off when the staff members are beginning to look like their heads might explode!

She does have things she is particularly interested in (animals and nature) but she’s also just really, really inquisitive about people and goes straight in with the questions, even if it’s just someone we’ve got chatting to in the line a theme park.

Obviously we don’t want to make her overly self conscious, or dim her spark as she’s such a lovely person, but it does make me self conscious and I am often telling her it’s none of her business or ‘that’s enough questions’ etc.

I love the idea that when she’s older there might be social opportunities with people more like her, but the autistic people we know seem to communicate quite differently. For example I doubt her best friend even knows what I do for a living, whereas my daughter knows a frightening amount about her friend’s parents!

Does what I’m describing sound familiar to you as another autistic person? Or is she just a bit of an anomaly?

When I was teacher training, many years ago, autism was a relatively unknown term and I believe that many more pupils "flew under the radar", especially if, as PP's have said, they were quiet and withdrawn rather than acting out. I caught up somewhat during my career as we were given more insight and hopefully training.
In retrospect, I can think of some characters who have passed through my classes, thinking, in retrospect, "That would explain a lot...."
I remember one of Victoria Wood's dramas, in which a character portrayed by the redoubtable Thora Heard came out with the immortal line, "We didn't have special needs in my day, you sat at the back and did raffia work!"
It is also true that some "powers that be" will do their best to stall on diagnosis, because of the expense implicit. In my opinion, they waste money paying lawyers that would be better spent on appropriate funding, staffing and training.
More than one teaching acquaintance of mine has related being firmly steered away from voicing concerns; as awareness grew, teachers were quicker to spot early signs and flag them up, so that the right help could be given early, only to be shut down, almost as a trouble maker.

That may be the case: but the perception among many is that a diagnosis is the gateway to riches

My DP and DS are, I can confidently say, undiagnosed ASD. I was involved in ASD assessments for 14 years, hence my confidence.
DP has an adult nephew who is to be assessed, and a great nephew who is diagnosed ND, including dyspraxia.
My DSis believes she is ASD - I think she's right,and that this contributed to her severe eating disorder and anxiety.

Diagnosis leads to neither disability benefits nor SEND support at school.

Funny

What I would say is that there does seem to be a general feeling that it’s over diagnosed, and perhaps some parents pushing for a diagnosis for disability benefits.

regardless: I think there does need to be some changes to the schooling system: it doesn’t work for so many children: especially the bullying that some kids need to endure, that as adults in the workplace would be completely unacceptable

My sister has 5 kids with autism. I suspect my sister has it too.

my sister in law, and both her kids have it.

DH, DS and I all have some various traits: social awkwardness; sensory issues, dreadful coordination. None of us diagnosed. I took years to speak, so did DS. I took years to learn how to tie school tie; shoe laces. And cannot drive. Both DH and I have decent; fairly well paying jobs. DS is doing fine at school, but has always had frequent meltdowns outside of school. The biggest issue being around clothes and shoes

Ds has severe autism. Diagnosed as severe on his report before the changes to what was included in the diagnosis. Diagnosed at two after a delay with the nhs so should have been diagnosed at one.

I know many people with autism via ds; school, families of kids with disabilities etc. The majority of children I know who have autism likely wouldn't have been diagnoses before the change in the diagnosis or would be classed as Aspergers/ high functioning.

No others in the family are diagnosed including our other child who is definitely does not have autism.

I have close friends from before I had ds none of those have autism or have children with autism.

My 17 year old son is autistic. My husband I think may be on the spectrum but no diagnosis. My son was diagnosed about 8 years ago but I had suspected it since he was about 3. I’m pretty sure I have 2 nephews on husbands side who are as well, but I’ve never mentioned my thoughts to their parents.

Not really. Ive probably got more experience than you.

Ridiculous comment. You clearly do not understand what the spectrum is. It’s not a measurement of whether someone is autistic or “how autistic” they are, it’s about the specific profile of needs of someone who is autistic.

It’s usually good for posters to read the thread before commenting to avoid posting ignorant rubbish, so that they don’t make themselves look very stupid.

One wonders if you think other neurological conditions should be “ignored” and are an “excuse” (I’m not sure why you think an “excuse” is required, either. 🤔Should people with disabilities need to “excuse” their very existence, or is there some way you consider them to have wronged you personally, which you believe they should have to provide “excuses” for? Please do explain).

One wonders whether people who write ignorant things online about autism post similar unscientific bile about people suffering from other neurological conditions like epilepsy? Dementia? Parkinson’s? Cerebral Palsy? Brain tumours? Huntington’s? MS? Or, do people writing spiteful and ignorant nonsense on the internet about autism just have a specific and irrational hatred for people with this one specific neurological condition, about which they know nothing at all?

Maybe some of the people with an irrational hatred of autistic people have been binging on GB “news” or similar media designed for those who need never concern themselves about neurological conditions because their brain is already dead.

It’s usually best for people not to comment on topics about which they know absolutely nothing unless, of course, they enjoy making a fool of themselves publicly and advertising their stupidity.

No we’re not.

The ‘spectrum’ was a spectrum of Autism from Kanner Syndrome to Asperger’s Syndrome and all autism sufferers would be placed along that spectrum according to their behaviours and needs. Only people with autism were ‘on the spectrum’. It was never a spectrum of ‘Autistic’ to ‘Not Autistic’.