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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stop making the effort with uninvolved sister-in-law?

117 replies

Whatthefork1 · 16/07/2026 13:45

Am I being unreasonable to not want a relationship with sister in law due to her lack of effort and contact with my children (her niece and nephew).

Sister and law and her partner are much older than myself and partner, they in their late forties / early fifties. MIL had her very young. They don’t have their own children, they have been together 25 plus years but only moved in together about 10 years ago,
SIL lived with MIL until then.

When we had our daughter nearly 5 years ago and we made a huge effort to involve them, we made them god parents (I know that doesn’t mean much these days, but we wanted to give them that honour). They were somewhat involved with my daughter and we would see them maybe every month at one point, at either ours or theirs, but as time went on the contact got less and less.

We had our son nearly two years ago and they have seen him probably 4 times his whole life. One of which was at his christening, then we went to visit them last Christmas and we saw them at MILs last week, wasn’t planned but they turned up when we were there. The other time was when they visited our house when he was born.

She doesn’t call or text to ask how the children are, she doesn’t invite us round or ask if she can visit us. I’m just done with it to be honest, I don’t see why we should make all the effort when she clearly couldn’t care less. Whenever she does see them, she takes a tonne of photos and posts them on social media- that really annoys me and I have commented and asked that she doesn’t upload our children onto social media as we don’t agree with it.

MIL has contacted my partner today and told him that he must talk to his sister more and check in on her and make sure she is okay. Why don’t we see her etc etc. he told MIL it is not his responsibility to make sure she is ok and that she knows where we live too. (I would like to add MIL is a whole other story and nightmare herself, but that isn’t the point of this post of course)

But anyway, AIBU to be pissed off and to say actually I don’t want anything to do with her anymore? Or am I being harsh and should I make more of an effort to try and involve her?

OP posts:
Mydahliasareshit · 16/07/2026 14:47

If you see so little of her, how on earth do you know the reality of their 'boring life'?
She might have plenty going on that she just keeps private from the in-laws.

purplecorkheart · 16/07/2026 14:43

I could be your sister-in-law in a way. My brother and I get on fine but never were the kind to pick up the phone for a chat/message without reason. I get on fine with my sister-in-law but being honest have little in common other than my brother. I do not mind making chit-chat when we meet but could not really be bothered with phonecalls/messages.

I must be a bad god-mother. I text their parents when they are sick, having something going on in school or if I am talking to their parents I will ask for updates. I don't think I have ever just text asking how they are without reason.

HangingOver · 16/07/2026 14:36

Whatthefork1 · 16/07/2026 14:34

They mostly do in my family, yes. I am very close with my family even though they live 4 hours away, we are still very much in contact. We are also both very close to my FIL and step MIL and other SIL.

Show quote history

Well shit, guess I'm a crappy aunt 😁

sittingonabeach · 16/07/2026 14:36

Is the other SIL DH’s sister too? Does she contact her sister?

Are they just both introverted and happy with their own life. Is this just MIL interfering with both siblings

Maddy70 · 16/07/2026 14:34

I don't see what she's doing wrong ? They don't have children so honestly yours are less interesting to her and that's ok! they do see them , I don't know what you expect. They have their own lives and you have yours. They don't have ti be seeing your children frequently. Yes her brother should check in on her to see she's ok !

Original poster
Whatthefork1 · 16/07/2026 14:34

HangingOver · 16/07/2026 14:30

I don't call or text to see how my nephews are unless one of them is poorly or it's their birthday or something. Do people specifically get in touch for that?

They mostly do in my family, yes. I am very close with my family even though they live 4 hours away, we are still very much in contact. We are also both very close to my FIL and step MIL and other SIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthefork1 · 16/07/2026 14:30

Cherrysoup · 16/07/2026 14:14

Why should she be involved with your dc? She didn't ask to be godparent, you chose her. I couldn't really care less about other people's dc, tbh.

It’s not that she SHOULD be, it’s more a question of - why wouldn’t she want to be? I just simply don’t get it. But i understand that everyone is different. And no she didn’t ask to be god parent, but if she wasn’t interested or wanted to be involved then she should have just declined.

OP posts:
HangingOver · 16/07/2026 14:30

I don't call or text to see how my nephews are unless one of them is poorly or it's their birthday or something. Do people specifically get in touch for that?

Original poster
Whatthefork1 · 16/07/2026 14:28

user293948849167 · 16/07/2026 13:51

So this is your DHs sister? What efforts does he make with his sister? Be honest is is one sided?
Maybe SIL is happy with how often she sees you, everyone isn’t super interested in young children, maybe she will get more involved with them when they’re a little older.
Does SIL have a busy job/other stuff going on in her life? How far away does she live?

Yes it is. It’s definitely not one sided, infact at the moment it really is no-sided because we both gave up with the contact and trying to involve her and she simply doesn’t bother.

She lives a half an hour drive away. Doesn’t have much else going on in her life, in the nicest way possible they lead a very boring life.

I don’t particularly want her to be more involved when the kids get older. If she wants to be involved then she should be involved now. Understand what your saying about her not being super interested- but if that is the case, why moan and say we don’t see her enough and then also post on social media about how much you love the kids etc?

Maybe I compare too much to my other SIL , she is the complete opposite and loves our children dearly and makes a huge effort with them- they adore her.

OP posts:
Backedoffhackedoff · 16/07/2026 14:27

Are you doing “all the chasing” though? It doesn’t sound like it if she’s only seen your children a handful of times, and your DH has been clear he can’t be arsed to stay in touch with her.

it sounds like you’re just not close at all- she’s not interested and neither is your DH. I would just let the relationship fizzle out and see them whenever they turn up at your MIL like
you do now.

Cherrysoup · 16/07/2026 14:14

Why should she be involved with your dc? She didn't ask to be godparent, you chose her. I couldn't really care less about other people's dc, tbh.

Lobelia123 · 16/07/2026 14:07

With kindness....You have new parent blindness where you think everyone in the whole wide world should be as enamoured and involved with your children as you are. The fact is these people live a very different life. They dont have children of their own, their focus is elsewhere. They're just not interested, and to be honest, that's completely OK. Theres no need to take offence or sit brooding over whether to take offence or try harder. Just leave it. It's lovely that you made them godparents and wanted to honour and involve them in this way, but it's so far removed from their lives and interests. They are probably fine with the level of contact and involvement and that's fine. Be gracious and take a step back. These are YOUR children and naturally they mean the world to you, but they are YOURS.

INX · 16/07/2026 13:54

Just keep out of it.

She's your husband's sister, so he can deal with the relationship.

And ignore your MIL because clearly your SIL isn't interested. It's not her fault if her mother can't accept that.

Pistachiocake · 16/07/2026 13:54

She shouldn't have accepted being a godparent if she didn't want to be involved. She does sound cold, but you never know what's going on-one of my best friends withdrew after my first baby was born, and turns out she's had infertility issues. But all we can do if give people chances, say we'll be there if they need us and then get on with our lives. Keep the door open, but you can't kill yourself trying to force a relationship.

user293948849167 · 16/07/2026 13:51

So this is your DHs sister? What efforts does he make with his sister? Be honest is is one sided?
Maybe SIL is happy with how often she sees you, everyone isn’t super interested in young children, maybe she will get more involved with them when they’re a little older.
Does SIL have a busy job/other stuff going on in her life? How far away does she live?

backUpStairsMaam · 16/07/2026 13:49

Relationships are a 2 way thing.

if you doing all the chasing and getting nothing back - what’s the point?

I would keep on with loose contact - but the joy of the phone is it both receives and transmits calls. She can ring you and arrange things too.

ignore mil - none of her business.

but doesn’t sound like sil is all that bothered about staying in touch - ultimately her loss .

MegMortimer · 16/07/2026 13:48

Sounds like she's not really interested and possibly enmeshed with your MIL, seeing that she didn't leave home until well into adulthood. I would be polite but not put myself out for her.