AIBU to stop making the effort with uninvolved sister-in-law?

OP my family take an interest and help each other out. Even so, you sound like a lot.

Could she honestly have declined being godparent? If you think it's an honour, I imagine you would have been mightily insulted if she'd said no thanks.

Do you know she is "moaning" (horrible term) about not seeing you? Or is this just something your mother in law says?

You sound a bit like my sister in law. She is a nice enough woman but quite obsessed with her children and very oblivious. She makes lot of quite rude comments without even realising - like you, with your slighting comments about their empty lives. She doesn't mean any harm but her own world is restricted to her children and she will make judgy little asides about women who have "careers" or use IVF or go back to work. She is not a bad person, but quite hard work socially. I think she thinks of herself as a reasonable, nice person and probably has no idea how she comes across outside her own circle.

Does your MIL perhaps know something is wrong with your SIL and is encouraging your DH to offer her support?

It sounds like a very one-sided relationship where you’re expecting a lot of input and interaction for your children from your SIL but what’s she getting from the relationship? You’re rude about her lifestyle. How much did you see them before you had your children?

I reduced contact with my relatives and nephews/nieces after it became apparent they were only interested in my interactions with their children. They couldn’t be bothered to take an interest in my job, social life, pressures I’m under etc?

Kindly, I think you don't want to listen to opinions here which are on the whole saying the same thing. I think you just want to follow your own narrative because you don't agree with what people are saying. Why come on here? No-one has to be interested in you or your children, family or not, but I don't think you want to hear that.

All the more reason not to be that interested in your DC. I don't understand why you feel like this. She's got her own life.

@PollyBell It sounds as if the OP's DH and his sister are very different people and they're not particularly interested in each other's lives, let alone each other's partners and children. It's fine, families aren't always close.

Why do people suddenly turn very insular when they have children, no one needs to be involved in your children only their parents

I am perfectly capable of having adult relationships and connections with people as they are it is a great skill for a grown up to have

I never get these threads!

My SIL isn’t interested in seeing me much so I will punish her by making it NEVER.

Makes no sense!

You can still have a relationship with her, even if she's not into your kids.
As long as she doesn't hate them or is abusive, there's no reason to fall out.

I love kids, but also have a stressful job, so when I have free time, the last thing on my mind is to call DB and DSIL about the nephews.

When I see them, we have a lovely time, until next time.

My DSis does video call the nephews, which she enjoys.

I couldn't bear it honestly as I like quiet boring time.
No one is wrong, it's because we're all different.

Just match her energy OP.
Do what she does.
Evens.

Yes honestly most people although nice in person only really care truly about their own children and then grandchildren.

They may be fond of others children but mostly that comes down to the relationship the adults have with each other.

If my best friend had a baby then I’d be excited and couldn’t wait for a cuddle and be asking her loads of stuff and buying lots of little bits.

But my sil well she’s my sil and she’s dh’s problem. We are not friends we are just in-laws who are polite and friendly in person because we both love my dh basically. If we divorced I’d never see her or her children again.

I don’t consider them my nieces or nephews although I don’t verbalise that either they are dh’s nieces and nephews. I don’t hate them but I don’t love them. My world wouldn’t stop if I never saw them or heard about them again. I’d be sad if something happened to them the same way it would be sad that anything happened to any child but there is no bond and life would go on.

Oh bless you OP. No, the vast majority of people don’t really give a shite about your DC. They say nice things to be polite.

You have been naive but there’s no reason to fall out with SIL just because she’s not crazy about your child.

we made them god parents (I know that doesn’t mean much these days, but we wanted to give them that honour)

It’s not that she SHOULD be [more involved with OP's family], it’s more a question of - why wouldn’t she want to be? I just simply don’t get it.

I can't decide if you're a card OP or just have main character energy on behalf of your entire little faaaaahmily

Maybe you and your DH aren't her cup of tea. That's okay, isn't it?

Just leave the woman alone and stop mithering about her.

Christ - stop being so self centred OP - she hasn't had kids, maybe it was a choice and she doesnt find them interesting OR she tried to have them and failed - can you really not see that there might be reasons why? Not everyone finds your kids interesting you know....prob just you and your husband,..just leave them be, i dont know why you want to cut her off from your life - she hasnt done anything.

Every one's best is different. Give your SIL unconditional love.
Treat all SIL with the same respect, Op.

You don't need to see her too often but do not show your children how to be mean. They are older relatives and boring ... but have self respect and be kind.

You husband could take one child over to see them every month.

Well I definitely am. I know more about 2 niece)nephews now they are adults and speak to me occasionally on Facebook but the younger one I've seen twice in her life ( she's nearly 10) both of them at my mums house when they happened to be there

Nothing wrong with any of the kids but I don't see why I would have any real interest in tgen

I'm confused Why exactly are you expecting them to be asking after your kids? And visiting you etc?

Your hearts in the right place OP but being family doesn't guarantee people will be interested. I think if it's not there naturally, you can't force it.

@Whatthefork1 I had a very similar situation when my DC were little. I couldn’t fathom the lack of interest from in-laws, esp SIL. It was upsetting tbh as we really could have done with the ‘village’. But what goes around, comes around. SIL has a little one now and I’m now delighted to not owe her anything. We NEVER have to babysit or help in general. We have a cushty time with older DC who generally look after themselves.

I’m pretty sure SIL has no idea why we don’t bother. She’s far too selfish to consider her own previous behaviour.

People who choose not to have children are rarely interested in being closely involved with other people's children, whether they are family or not. I wasn't, until I had my own. By then, I'd fallen out with my sister-in-law, who claimed I did not pay enough attention to my niece - which was true, but that's the way I felt at the time. You can't force your children on other people; not even family. Just let them be.

@LakieLady I think that's part of the OP's issue tbh. The idea that her SIL might pick and choose when to be part of their lives, i.e., they're too much work now, but perhaps they'll be acceptable to her when they're older! It's the reverse of dropping a previously energetic and engaging relative when they become elderly and unwell.

Focus on the people who are interested in you/your family and if your DH wants to reach out more to his sister (and vice versa), he will.