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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

133 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · 15/07/2026 19:37

It's a MIL one.

DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

OP posts:
KrazyKatty · 15/07/2026 19:54

Be honest and tell her you’re too busy to deal with this right now.

Original poster
WithTwoGiantBoys · 15/07/2026 19:51

OneOfEachPlease · 15/07/2026 19:49

My parents do this…to me…for my own gift… I mean if you outsource the whole thing what’s the point? She should write him a cheque and be done with it.

They are all terrible at this, they used to just swap cheques at Christmas until everyone eventually realised that was pointless and it stopped!

OP posts:
Original poster
WithTwoGiantBoys · 15/07/2026 19:49

I already tried batting it back yesterday but she has followed up to ask if it is sorted now. I did suggest something but she didn't want to get that. I just feel.like I haven't got space in my head to even think about it! I'm so tired and we don't have a holiday booked yet and the only window we can have it in is from next week so that needs to be a bit of a priority.

Tempted to just buy an experience voucher to give to him and he can do all the scheduling!

I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to politely tell her to do it herself, she doesn't like me as it is...

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 15/07/2026 19:49

My parents do this…to me…for my own gift… I mean if you outsource the whole thing what’s the point? She should write him a cheque and be done with it.

istherereallytimeforallthat · 15/07/2026 19:46

Maybe just send her a message that says no to the white-water rafting or the tank driving (or whatever), so please can she choose one of the others.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/07/2026 19:42

I would say ‘sorry I have no time this week to organize this for you but I think he might like … cooking lesson ..massage vouchers… snowboard lesson … wine tasting’

30DegreesHighAndRising · 15/07/2026 19:40

Yes. Tell her asap that she needs to choose and organise it herself.

OrangeSlices998 · 15/07/2026 19:39

YANBU. Bat it back to her!