AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

What are the complicated reasons?

Absolutely not unreasonable.

“Sorry MIL I’m just so busy at the moment that I’m not going to have time to arrange this for you. I’m sure you’ll come up with something!”

Yanbu but I think the best solution is to politely let mil know that this task is going to be passed on to DH rather than foisted upon you, unless she feels she wants to do it herself.

"That's a wonderful idea Mavis, Gavin will be thrilled to have an experience like that but I'm afraid I don't have the time to do the research so the best thing is to let him know and let him choose. Do you want to tell him on his birthday or do you want to tell him beforehand so that it's all arranged by the time the big day arrives?"

I too have experienced the frustration of having to do all the emotional and practical labour for someone else's "apparent" birthday gift. It seems to me that if we accept the premise that when a gift is relatively inexpensive or inappropriate we nevertheless receive it with gratitude because of the importance of "it's the thought that counts" then the other side of this coin is that if someone wants to put no thought or effort into a gift but make someone else put in that thought and effort, then that is no real gift at all - the "thought" that "counts" amounting to precisely zero. It is a kind and reasonable thing to make a gift of cash so that the receiver can choose what to spend it on, that's the gift of guilt-free spending freedom, but giving the cash to someone else to do the thinking and choosing negates 100% of that.

If she doesn’t like you already does it matter if you offend her at this point? Just tell her you don’t have time to sort it. Recommend cash or a voucher so he can choose

Surely you could book something in the time it would take you to post on here, read the comments and respond to your MIL telling her to do it herself.

You should book something you would enjoy too though.

’I haven’t got time to sort this, Mavis. If you don’t either just give him the cash’.

The chronically retired are usually very keen to explain how busy they are, so how DARE you assume she has time to do this, she probably absolutely stacked up and would have to squeeze it in somehow between the chiropodist, and waiting in for the gas meter reader. That's my understanding of retirement anyway 😱😁🤯

I didn’t rtft but you’re missing a trick…
DH would adore a couples holiday weekend with a spa, full dinner, breakfast, gorgeous view… of course it’s all his idea…

I’d suggest one thing and if she declines say well its best to get a voucher as i’m afraid i’m super busy at the moment. Sure she is capable of browsing and thinking of something her son will like.

This is perfect. Then ignore further messages.

“Sorry Mabel, I haven’t got time to sort this for you. Hope you get it sorted.”

Hahahaha I just spat my cuppa out at that 😂

Just tell her you’ve not sorted out the gift you want to get him yourself and you’re not going to have time to sort out one from her too.

FFS, if she wants to give him a gift, she’s got to do the legwork!

@mugglemother you can say that again 😆

This is a great message, it's polite but firm. and then you can concentrate on booking your holiday

Well if she already doesn't like you that makes it easier. Just send a message "as I said yesterday, I am not able to help with this. I'm sure he'll be delighted with anything you choose for him"

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

Is she very elderly ? My MIL has become increasingly reliant on us ‘can you just get X,Y,Z for DC/DH from me and wrap it and give it to them’. Fair enough if it’s online as she isn’t confident enough to purchase, but for things in the shop, it’s really annoying as she frequently goes shopping and we will provide ideas & suggestions including mainstream vouchers and things well within her budget. In the scenario given I would just go back and say sorry I hadn’t realised how busy I am at work this week but here’s the number/website for you to book whatever you think DH will enjoy’. It’s a slippery slope and once you’ve done it once it’s very hard to get out of it the next time so I would definitely knock that one on the head ASAP

My mum does this for my kids Christmas and birthday presents. Plus getting me to wrap them for her.

I once suggested cash for DS1 and she had the audacity to say no she didn’t want to make it look like she hadn’t made the effort. Well you haven’t ever made the effort I have!!!