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Original poster

AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

133 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · 15/07/2026 19:37

It's a MIL one.

DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

OP posts:
Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 16/07/2026 08:33

"Betty, what he'd really, really like is a day with you. Nice afternoon tea, maybe a film or a visit to Big National Trust place." That way he can't refuse without looking like a dick, her ego is massaged and you have a subtle revenge.

OldrNWisr · 16/07/2026 08:30

Big girl pants on

”Sorry I just don’t have time to sort this out for you, you will have to do it yourself or maybe just buy him a voucher”

If she doesn’t like you anyway, what have you got to lose?

ifonly4 · 16/07/2026 08:28

Go back to her and say, 'no, as I said yesterday ...'. If she asks again, ignore.

The only thing I would say that if she's elderly and can't use the internet, then it would be nice if she could choose whatever something and then you book for her.

Member984815 · 16/07/2026 08:28

Just don't so it , and when it comes up say you told her at the time you were too busy. And don't buy him anything yourself he clearly doesn't see big birthdays as a big deal with the way he treated yours.

Lilyhatesjaz · 16/07/2026 08:23

Don't give him a present yourself but take him out somewhere you will both enjoy, this is what we do as we do we haven't given each other more than token joke presents for years.
Tell your Mil that she should let DH choose his own gift from her as you don't have time or know what he would like and then just don't do it, put a someone elses problem field around it and forget it she may be annoyed but that isn't your problem or responsibility.

Zov · 16/07/2026 08:16

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 15/07/2026 22:02

Would he even want an experience? They tend to be overpriced. Can you just reply Please gift dh the money mil so he can book something he wants to. Thank you

True about experiences, they can be a bit expensive, but also they can be a shit gift that often costs the person who receives the 'experience voucher' more money than it cost the person who gave it to them. I have known someone get an 'experience' that cost the buyer about £25 to £30, and it's cost them (the receiver) £100 or more, (sometimes over £200,) and an entire day to redeem it.

I would never give anyone any of the 'experience' vouchers unless I knew they wanted it.

Has your husband ever said he wants to be given one of these 'experiences' @WithTwoGiantBoys ???

.

Zov · 16/07/2026 08:11

ReplacementBusDriver · 15/07/2026 20:21

The chronically retired are usually very keen to explain how busy they are, so how DARE you assume she has time to do this, she probably absolutely stacked up and would have to squeeze it in somehow between the chiropodist, and waiting in for the gas meter reader. That's my understanding of retirement anyway 😱😁🤯

Rude! 😂 There's bingo and bowls and weeding and sunbathing too.

The cheek of you! 😆

Zov · 16/07/2026 08:10

AbzMoz · 15/07/2026 20:21

I didn’t rtft but you’re missing a trick…
DH would adore a couples holiday weekend with a spa, full dinner, breakfast, gorgeous view… of course it’s all his idea…

This! 😂 Do this @WithTwoGiantBoys

Even funnier than @mugglemother 's 500 identical posts on page 1. 😆

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/07/2026 08:02

You've already had your 50th and he didn't buy you a gift/do anything and you are struggling to decide what to buy him?
Because you feel you should buy him something?
Because your not the kind of person to not but a gift?
Please stop. Re-evaluate this relationship.
The reason you are struggling is because you know this is ridiculous are likely fed up.
Do you even like each other anymore? 🤔

DelphiniumBlue · 16/07/2026 07:31

"Haha, what, after the effort he made for my birthday? I don't think so! MiL if you want to get something for him you'll have to do it yourself. He's made it clear to me he doesn't do birthdays."

outerspacepotato · 15/07/2026 23:36

Tell her to get him a new doormat, the old one's gone missing.

As for what to get him, give him an empty jar. He gives you nothing, he gets a thing full of nothing.

MeridaBrave · 15/07/2026 23:08

Just say - nice thought but I don’t have time to organise.

Chilly80 · 15/07/2026 23:02

Give him something he hates but you love. Or divorce papers.

sittingonabeach · 15/07/2026 22:46

Just get a voucher from an experience company

YourAquaLion · 15/07/2026 22:42

Just say you haven’t got time and don’t do anything, simple! She will get the message loud and clear, and if she doesn’t like you anyway then there’s nothing to lose.

Baking07 · 15/07/2026 22:34

Stop being nice.
Card and socks.
Tell you MIL sort it out herself and archive her number.
Clearly the menopause hasn't started because if it had you'd be blocking her number and getting him nothing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2026 22:29

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 15/07/2026 21:15

A card and a pair of socks. It makes the point, but you’ve marked it, which is more than he has done for you.

And if your MiL doesn’t like you anyway, then why on earth do you give a shit whether she gets pissed off with you? If she messages you again, just tell her that no, it’s not sorted because you simply don’t have capacity to take on the mental load for anyone else, so she’ll have to do it herself or put some money in a card for him.

Show quote history

This. In its entirety.

Contrarymary30 · 15/07/2026 22:20

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/07/2026 19:42

I would say ‘sorry I have no time this week to organize this for you but I think he might like … cooking lesson ..massage vouchers… snowboard lesson … wine tasting’

This is a good suggestion .^

I used to hate it when people asked me what to get for my 4 for Christmas, I had enough trouble thinking what to get them !

Gardenisablooming · 15/07/2026 22:20

Suggest she takes dh for afternoon tea..then you get the day to yourself..

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/07/2026 22:17

This is a nope. ‘Oh gosh I thought that one was a great idea. You might have to ask him, I’m so busy with work I don’t have time to sit down and think about it for a couple of weeks.’

Get him some movie tickets from you at a nice cinema, don’t overthink jt. It’s so much more considerate than nothing

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 15/07/2026 22:16

Tell mil you don’t have time to sort it and she’ll have to do it- be blunt

don’t get him anything from you. Explain that you assumed you both don’t do birthday presents for each other after your last couple of birthdays

WildLeader · 15/07/2026 22:11

If she doesn’t like you already @WithTwoGiantBoys then no further harm can be done.

WildLeader · 15/07/2026 22:10

nomas · 15/07/2026 21:21

It’s not wrong or horrible.

Why do women do this to themselves.

Just match his energy.

Go out that day and get him nothing.

Tell MIL you don’t have tome to sort this for her.

Show quote history

Sadly, this ^ @WithTwoGiantBoys

he wasn’t bothered by EITHER of your big birthdays, don’t be bothered by his

text mil and tell her “I’m not going to sort out your gift to your son, you will have to do it yourself”

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 15/07/2026 22:05

ShishKofte · 15/07/2026 21:16

'Sorry MIL, I haven't booked a thing myself yet.let alone thinking of second gifts... But Bradley likes penguins, Mille Bobby Brown and vodka if that helps?

Lolz

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 15/07/2026 22:02

Would he even want an experience? They tend to be overpriced. Can you just reply Please gift dh the money mil so he can book something he wants to. Thank you