MIL addiction to TEMU shopping

OP I had exactly this from my Ex MIL. She was quite lonely tbh and used to fixate on buying people things, but she would always get a knock off version because she liked volume rather than specialness. She used to give really odd gifts too- like at Xmas you’d get a huge pile but it would be everyday things like a spatula wrapped up in Xmas paper.

with all due respect ignore the advice here. There is no answer. You’ll never stop her and none of these ideas will work.

i ended up finding Xmas and birthdays quite stressful and dreading her gift giving.
No reaction was good enough, she’d challenge you in an accusatory way if you changed your style or preferences which made me paranoid about the amount she’d studied me (“you’re wearing a necklace! You never wear a necklace. If I’d known you liked necklaces I’d have bought you one”- like my decision to put a necklace on was a personal offence to her)

the other thing she did was go through my house to find things I’d like, and bought me them. This was a little closer to the mark but never made sense to me.
She found an expensive perfume I like in my room. And bought me a bottle (not a dupe!) I was like thank you very much. But erm… as you know… I already have a bottle?!
I’d get to hers 2 years later by which time I’d have another 4 bottles from her lined up. It was over whelming and felt controlling.

a huge advantage of my divorce was getting away from her and now I enjoy Xmas and birthdays again

Really! I was just about to say I'm surprised anyone over the age of 25 uses it. I can't imagine my parents buying crap like that.

🤣🤣

Fussy charity shop😳

My ex's mum had a shopping addiction and also couldn't stand throwing stuff away, so instead she would prepare large bags full of random things - wooden spoons, clothes, crockery, for her adult children to take to their homes. I remember receiving a large laminated planner like the cheap ones you get in offices, and an ornamental mouse wearing a ballerina outfit. She also liked to explain the meaning of each item. I just used to donate 90% of it to avoid drama, but I don't blame you for wanting to challenge it - you should, as the behaviour just goes on and on.

Take them to the charity shop

Blimey. Slight generalisation! None of my boomer friends would be seen dead in Temu or Shein. Do you live in a very poor area @MysticPearl?

Well said. Please don’t start with the boomer nonsense.

😂🤣👍

If you buy from Amazon, or, often from Etsy, it’s the same stuff.

This 👆 The returns process is actually very straightforward. She can easily obtain refunds.

That's absolutely right; everyone over 55 has no taste, and is without ethics.

Charity shops don't want that crap either.

I think you'll have to just hand it back with a firm no. If she has to take it all home with her she might give up.

I don't get this quantity over quality thing. She probably thinks she's being generous but it's so stressful for you so each time you say no.

Oh god! Sounds like my actual mother - she’s obsessed with Temu… some of the things she gives me she doesn’t even have to tell me it’s from there I can just tell from the appalling quality.

i think your MIL means very well and it’s so lovely she thinks of you… but could you just send the stuff she gives to charity? Or would she ask you why you’re not wearing it? MIL gives me stuff all the time and in pictures she’s like ‘that’s not the XYZ’ I gave you… so that’s tricky but hopefully she’s not like that

I did not know I had a sister in law but it sounds like your mother in law is my mother 😂 sorry, no solution here, do tell if you find a way that works though!

Interestingly I wonder if it’s a thing with more women of a certain generation because my own mother is the same, and whenever I go into the local charity shop (run by ladies in their 70’s) they’re always on it/ shopping/ talking about it. I don’t think they know the risks/ ethical reasons why it’s a horrible place to shop.

Maybe she can discover Vinted selling

I hate both websites with a passion and have never bought anything from Temu or Shein. They are clever at what they do though - they are trying to get you t buy in quantity by giving incentives for purchasing more and more. Clearance sales, free delivery.

Father in law is just the same. MIL had an op recently and needed a pair of "sensible" shoes, rather than buying a pair of Skechers which she'd expressed an interest in, he went on Temu and bought three shitty, poorly-made pairs for the same price.

Until recently I volunteered in a charity shop, clothing from Temu/Shein was a really hard sell because people know it cost 50p originally so is worth nothing second hand. It is poorly-made and does not stand up to being washed. Shops (even charity shops!) are not allowed to sell toys which are not CE marked. Shit you buy from Temu is not tested. Straight in the bin. Electricals should be PAT tested, we couldn't do that so couldn't sell them either. We wouldn't have sold things like cosmetics or toiletries without ingrdients lists. Selling counterfeits is illegal. But the biggest barrier to Temu/Shein stuff is desirability, nobody wants to walk into a shop and see shelves filled of shite which people ordered and didn't keep.

The only way to handle this OP is to hand it back to your MIL and tell her to send it back for a refund.

The point is you can't tell, so it's awful to be happy to risk other people's babies because they're poor.

Not everything sold on TEMU is dangerous.

This is a horrendous attitude. You wouldn't risk this stuff with your own baby but poor babies should be grateful for any old dangerous crap??

Charity shops can't sell potentially toxic crap with no testing to British safety standards. It's not legal to sell most Temu stuff in this country.

I have the same issue but with my mum. What makes it worse is I'm pregnant (currently 39w) and for most of my pregnancy, until recently, she has bought various products for the baby on either temu or random websites that she gets Facebook ads for. She just doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between these websites and reputable websites.

I've had to be really blunt and told her from now on I will only accept items from British brands so it's as clear for her as possible. The reason I've had to be so specific is It got to a point where she bought a travel pram from a website I didn't trust and I refused to even take the pram in my home. (Pram cost next to nothing , clearly a Chinese website, no reviews , I was shocked it actually was delivered).

I had told her multiple times prior to this that I will not accept equipment for the baby from these sort of websites and she continued to purchase which led to me refusing the pram. It worked and she hasn't bought anything from these sites since then. I have accepted clothes and small toys from temu and Facebook ad questionable websites to keep the peace but for me I had to draw the line or I know it would have continued.

It's so hard as she's my mum, I want her to feel involved and I know her intention is good. It wasn't easy conversations but I'm glad I had them. For further context my mum has been scammed a couple of times now, it seems due to putting her card details into sites that a lot of people would see red flags for but she just doesn't seem able to recognise it.

I think, given that you've been clear with her and it hasn't worked, I would either leave them with her explicitly, as others have suggested, or take to stealth hiding them around her property. Lay pieces flat under sofa cushions, hide items at the back of wardrobes and drawers or hang them in the back of wardrobes. Put a box high up in the garage. Lay things flat under rugs. Stuff then into cushion covers, or the backs of kitchen cabinets, etc. And if caught, laugh! Ti's but a game she plays.