To feel that I can’t get married…

OP, when I married for the second time, I had DH’s mother and brother, my siblings, my DC and a couple of partners. It was lovely. We could all sit round one table for lunch and it was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion. You really don’t need casts of thousands to have a good wedding!

I went to a wedding like this about thirty years ago and remember it well because it was so lovely.

I only had one friend to invite. She didn’t turn up 😕. So that just left a few family members.

My DH invited his brother and family but they were ‘busy’ which left him with only his mum to invite.

It’s only going to make a difference if you book a venue that holds hundreds and there’s 6 of you.

My wedding was wonderful but there were only 8 guests. Everyone had a great time.

A lot of normal people have a couple of close friends and the rest are more people we are ‘friendly’ with.
At your wedding you want the most important people there, not just ‘people’ to pad it out. Embrace the fact that you can have a small intimate wedding and enjoy it!!! We did!

You're caring too much about this. You have 20 ish people who you would love there so invite them. Just get married and go out for a nice meal with everyone.

Do you both like to dance/party?

because if not/
have a much later ceremony time ie 3pm ish
do the canapés/photos etc
then just have the dinner with your guests - keep it small!

and if anyone asks - just say you only wanted a small/intimate wedding!

it’s your wedding OP! It’s only you and your future husband that matter! Have it how you want!!

Another one to say that the wedding I enjoyed most by a long shot was small.

Three friends for the bride and close family. I think in total we were 20 people. What made it special was the feeling that we were a real part of the day rather than observers of an event.

It was in Germany so slightly different traditions anyway, but we met at the couple’s apartment, walked all together to a coffee shop where we had coffee and cake, then walked all together to the town hall where they were married and afterwards walked together to a restaurant where we had a super relaxed long lunch. I think there was a jazz band and we played some wedding games. It was Christmas time so I remember some of us went for Gluhwein afterwards.

OP, it was magical. I felt properly honoured and special to be chosen to be part of it. It was 25 years ago and still makes me smile when I think of it. Having the opportunity to chat properly to my friend’s grandmother and mum as we walked along was a joy, and really laughing together with the whole party was so much fun. It honestly felt so much more meaningful than a standard wedding, like we were an important part of our friends’ day rather than observers.

So yes, for the happiest day for guests and couple, my verdict is definitely to ditch the big traditional wedding and have something more intimate!

We only had our 2 children at our wedding (who were 4 and 6), plus a photographer and her assistant who also acted as our witnesses. Perfect day with afternoon tea afterwards. Wouldn’t do it any differently.

Oh, I WISH I’d kept my wedding small - I was an idiot to think a big do was required. My next door neighbour had just 20 at theirs and it was apparently idyllic, my sister had just 2!

The embarrassment is just in your head, OP, and is probably down to the imaginary wedding you have played in your head for years.
But if a person gets invited to a small wedding they don't assume the bride & groom have no friends, they feel lucky/special to be invited and assume it's a cost thing - weddings are stupidly expensive these days so I think there are more smaller weddings happening than you think.

Having a small wedding with people you actually care about around you (& spending less money!) sounds perfect. Way less fuss & drama to worry about so you will enjoy it more too.

Just plan the day you want, it will be lovely.

we had 35. Others were there in the evening

I had 10 guests, should have been 12 but my Dad & step mum couldn’t be arsed to turn up.

Still, had a lovely afternoon as we got to speak to the people we actually cared about!

I had very few people compared to my husband, atheist thought also occurred to me that people may have negative thoughts about me based on that, but actually I had a really nice time and didn't think about it on the day or afterwards.

Why would you bother inviting acquaintances? Just invite the people you’ve named to the ceremony and book a small bar etc for the venue. 25 people plus you and your DP is fine. Or don’t have a reception at all if it embarrasses you.

We had a small wedding. Better all round. You get to talk to everyone and it’s more personal.

Honesty smaller numbers actually suit some weddings better. Have a wedding later in the day so you only have the one reception (ie no evening reception). Then pick a venue which is smaller so your wedding party fills the space rather than it feeling empty.

You could even have a destination wedding with a very small amount of family and have a lovely meal with others when you come back.

Don’t compare yourselves to all these instagram weddings with massive venues and lots of guests. The main thing is you and your fiancé get married, everything else is just details around that event.

I don’t understand the issue? If you’re that worried just get married with family there and keep it deliberately small.

We had 40 guests or thereabouts at our wedding. Just the ceremony and a full sit down meal. We did have photos (never look at them, I’d probably cry if I looked now as so many of the guests have since died). We didn’t have an evening do, not our thing, and just left for a night in a nice hotel and our honeymoon the next day. Married 25 years. It was before social media so no influence there. I would say 3 things - no one is as interested in your wedding as you are; in the 25 years since I got married, no one remembers the date (my mum did until her memory went but that was it, my husband and I do which is what really matters) and, most importantly, it’s not a single day that counts it’s the marriage - the life you make together.

Whatever you do, your wedding and marriage will be as valid as the next couples and, truly, it’s the life you make together not a big day that counts. I think we still get sucked in to what a wedding should be without really thinking about what suits us as a couple and what a wedding should mean.

One of my friends had a wonderful wedding with a fish and chip van as the meal and no evening do. Best wedding yet. X

We had about 50 at our wedding. As pp, you just pick a venue that suits “smaller” weddings. And that certainly doesn’t mean it will be any less special. Our venue was/is a dream place to get married. (And now celebs use it). I did have the same fears as you, but actually I don’t think most people actually know dozens of people well enough to want them at their wedding. And the more guests you have, the more money you spend.

We had a tiny wedding and it was amazing

For our wedding we only had family members, no friends. There were just over 20 of us in total, and we had no evening do. Married in the afternoon, had a lovely afternoon with a few drinks then food and cake, and we were all done by 7.30pm - exactly what my DH and I wanted as we had a baby at the time. It’s been more than a decade since we married and we still wouldn’t change a thing.

OP - just keep numbers small and it will be a really lovely intimate wedding. Don’t invite people just for the sake of it, and you certainly don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. IMHO - it’s about the marriage afterwards, not the frills of the wedding day. Good luck.

We had about 25 at ours. A dozen family and my closest friend at the registry office then another dozen met us for luncheon in the officers' mess. We drove home, had a cup of tea then had two weeks in Cornwall. Utter bliss. We were married a couple of weeks short of thirty years.

For seating we had three long tables in a U-shape, people only sat on the outside of it. No evening event.

You will be inviting 100% of the people you want to though.