To feel that I can’t get married…

DH and I got married 2 years ago at a golf club and I wore a beautiful Monsoon wedding dress. Weddings are about you and your beloved saying your vows in front of your nearest and dearest. I still recall saying my vows and not being aware of anyone else in the room just me DH and the registrar! The wedding is just one day in a whole lifetime together. You don’t need hundreds of people just those closest to you. Enjoy the planning and enjoy the day however big or small.

My parents had 9 people at their wedding. All my Mum’s side. Dad’s Mum created about the marriage as she didn’t like Mum (wouldn’t have liked anyone my Dad married, I suspect). Dad promptly insisted he was marrying Mum and told his family not to come if they couldn’t be happy for them. So there were 9 guests, all on one side only, and they loved him. They didn’t care.

They were married for nearly 50 years which only ended with my Mum’s death. That strength and single-mindedness carried my Dad through 9 years of widowhood until he too died, much missed by my Mum’s family. I never really knew my Dad’s family. The number of guests doesn’t matter, the love does, and Dad didn’t care and held fast to marrying Mum.

I got married in Italy and had 24 guests in total. It was very relaxed and great fun.. I would highly recommend a small wedding.

I only bad about 10 adults at my wedding. Married at the registry office then a sit down meal at a nice tea room with beautiful gardens. No first dance, no speeches or fuss, just how i wanted it. People said to me it was the best wedding they've been too, it was so relaxed without having to think about if everybody else was having a good time! Just say to this closest to you that you wanted a small wedding.

People wont equate small numbers = no friends. They will think it's a conscious choice to keep costs down/keep it intimate.

I had my parents, siblings, one aunt and uncle and 2 cousins. 10 people as family and maybe 10 friends. No night do. It was perfect. It’s about celebrating your love!

I think your terms of reference for weddings seem quite old-fashioned, OP.

Obviously people should do what they want for their own weddings, but if you're looking at 'trends' - more and more people are having smaller, intimate weddings. I would now see having a 200 guest wedding with all the traditions as unusual. All this 'evening guest' stuff is outdated too imho - and it was never nice, having two tiers of guest.

It sounds like you have about the right number of guests for a really lovely wedding, with the people you really care about and who really care about you, and marrying the man you love. That's what matters. I hope you have a lovely day, whatever you decide.

Smaller wedding are fashionable these days. I went to one recently with about 40 people at Leeds Castle in Kent. It was the nicest wedding I've been to in a while.

My first wedding we wanted an beautiful but very expensive venue and couldn't afford a big wedding there, we decided it was our day and we'd have what we wanted, so we cut numbers to 30.
My second wedding (first DH died) we didn't want a fuss so had a registry office with parents and siblings and afternoon tea at our favourite hotel.
A wedding is about a couples commitment and nothing else, the bigger the wedding, the more you spend - it's one day, not your lifetime.

My dad has ten guests at his wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and lovely. My favourite wedding ive ever been to. It was in the private room on a beautiful country pub. Lovely garden for the kids to play in when they got bored. Everyone knew each other so conversation flowed. It was just amazing. I would take that wedding over big ones anyway.

That's not a small wedding. I'm an only child,late DM was. dead,F didn't attend. I had 20 guests altogether,both sides..register office,that was too many because bil children ruined it and the reception. Original plan was Gretna us and the 4 dks,it was sabotaged by mil. I think you are being ridiculous, have you told your fiancé ,you are putting off getting married because you want a big guest list!

Two things matter in getting married. The legal contract. The personal commitment. If you're religious, add the vows before your god or gods.

The rest is irrelevant. The wedding doesn't matter. The marriage does.

Set aside the embrassment, enjoy the small intimate venues that would be off the table with a larger list, and make the most of the money saved and the fact that with fewer people you'll actually be able to talk to them all on the day.

We had 20 people and it was perfect! Go for it and have the most wonderful day and marriage.

I had 25 at my wedding. I could have invited wider family but I didn't want to spend the money ! I wanted to get married on a budget . So maybe you could frame it that so you will feel less embarrassed

Have a small wedding. Ideal! It will be less stress and less money. Do something low key like a lovely meal in a hotel and no evening do. If you’re bothered how it looks just say you wanted something small

Small weddings are the best weddings, more people know each other and you are not wasting a fortune on a big party. Just make sure the venue is not massive.

I'm sorry but your post sounds pathetic and makes me question your maturity. You do know (as evidenced by many of the replies to your post) that a wedding is a ceremony between two people, with one or more witnesses? Many many more people get married in a registry office than in a lavish public wedding ceremony somewhere. If you and your DP want to cement your relationship with marriage, do it however you want. It's not some sort of competition. I think you need to examine why you're getting married rather than needlessly worrying how your wedding spectacle is going to look for others.

I haven’t voted on this because of course YANBU to feel as you do, yet there is no need to be embarrassed to have a small wedding. In fact I prefer them. Have a wonderful wedding day.

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I had 54 people at my wedding but it seems like similar to you as we had invited aunts, uncles, cousins etc. You don't mention them? Maybe you are only children of only children? Or aunts / uncles are older.
In immediate family I only had: dad, sister, one close family friend. Husband had: mum, dad, sister with her partner and 2 kids, brother with his wife and one kid. Then we had 6 friends and husband invited friends from a hobby. So maybe 6 tables all in. We had an amazing day. It was so special and lovely and I enjoyed the build up and getting ready etc. You will do. Go for it and enjoy your special day! (I have also been to a wedding with approx 20 guests and it was great!!).

We had 14 people at ours including DH and me. Small ceremony followed by a nice meal for everyone and it was great.

A wedding doesn’t make a marriage.

Why not just take yourselves to the registry office and tell everyone after the event?

Hi OP, I haven't read the whole post but I just wanted to share this.
I was a Registrar and have seen many, many weddings. One that sticks in my memory is a party of twelve people, the couple married at a lovely venue and had a sit down meal after the ceremony in an adjoining room.
It was a beautifully decorated room with a central square table. Everything was gorgeous to look at and I imagine the food was top notch. They spent a lot of money per person but they had a lovely event that has stayed in my memory. They made it their own and had what they wanted.
Be confident, DO NOT worry what others think. Enjoy your day, fill it with things you and your husband-to-be love !
Less people will mean more money to spend on you both and those who attend. To me that's a win.

You do not have to have the traditional reception with a top table and lots of smaller tables. Get married in whichever place, religious or otherwise that suits you best. Then book a big table at your favourite restaurant. Invite all the people who matter to you and have a lovely day.