To feel that I can’t get married…

We had just under 40 people, mid afternoon ceremony, snacks, dinner, party.

I mean who actually has 50+ close friends... The large weddings are often large via +1s and acquaintances. There is really not much need for the latter imho. Paying loads to feed and entertain people you barely know makes no sense to me.

In small weddings every guest counts so as a guest it's a huge compliment. You are not there as a "seat filler". You are there because the couple want you there.

A relative of mine got married and had 20 people and it looked lovely. They got married at a hotel and had the meal around one very big table. From the photos it looked gorgeous - a happy intimate wedding.

Our DS got married in Covid and they were only allowed 30 people. I was worried it was going to feel second best for them (they’d originally planned a big wedding but went ahead anyway because they just wanted to be married 🥰) but it was actually an amazing day and just as wonderful as our DD’s wedding where they had 100 guests. At the end of the day everyone was saying how wonderful it had been and how much they’d enjoyed the fact that it had been so calm and relaxed.

OP I think the key is to play to your strengths when planning. You can do things with a small wedding that would be too difficult/expensive with a big one (have nicer champagne/ personalised favours etc) so lean into those things to make your wedding special. I can guarantee that if you’re delighted to be marrying your fiancé your happiness will run off on your guests and you will all have a lovely day. And wedding venues will have seen it all - a small wedding will be completely normal to them.

My sister had about 20 during the day.

I'll be honest I did expect more but only becsuse she is very social (her husband not so much🤣!). It was a very fleeting thought and there was genuingely no judgement or thoughts of "they have no friends".

I didnt care, it was about who they wanted and whether they were happy. Which they were.

Firstly, it doesn’t even sound like that small a wedding! I had ten at mine!

Secondly - are you older? People tend to have less people at their weddings when older because these people have remained their real friends (and family obviously) There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact, I think it’s lovely. Our best friends had a big wedding in their twenties and openly admit they don’t speak to half the people who attended anymore.

You are being silly (in the nicest way!) You clearly want to get married, hire a lovely venue like a private restaurant or room and do it there. So much nicer than a bog standard hotel function room anyway!

Pick the right venue.

Our council has three rooms to pick from.
Go for a meal rather than have a huge empty do..

I was at a small wedding this year, fewer than 20 guests, and it was perfect, a beautiful day, lovely ceremony, and a meal afterwards. Unforgettable and delightful, time to chat to everyone, and no stress for the couple. Happy memories!

There’s no need to have a night do with extra guests if you don’t want to. Why not just have a lovely, low key wedding with your family and close friends? I love small weddings!

How many people did you want to invite?! Weddings are expensive! I had 12 guests at mine (by choice!). It meant we could choose a lovely intimate venue.

YABU. Get married because you love each other and want to make that commitment to each other.

DH and I had about 30 people at our wedding and reception. It was plenty of people. Still married 26 years later.

The size of your guest list doesn’t indicate how happy or long your marriage will be.

We had 40 at our wedding and that felt a bit too much. I definately wouldn't want anything bigger which was good because we didn't know anyone else! I think 30ish would have been good.

It meant lots of people knew each other so no one was sat by themselves and we could talk to everyone without feeling overwhelmed.

I don't like the idea of "evening guests".

I think as long as you get an appropriately sized venue you'll be fine. In our case we had a venue that could sleep exactly the number we needed and we significantly subsidised it so everyone stayed and we made a whole weekend of it.

We wouldn't have been able to afford that with a bigger guest list.

Lucky you that you can have an affordable wedding and don't feel the pressure that you have to invite lots of people, I'd say. We had a big wedding but I had quite a lot fewer people to invite than DH as I have little extended family and fewer friends than him but it didn't occur to me to feel embarrassed about it.

When people have huge weddings - a lot of those may well be friends of their parents, distant cousins, large sports groups, duty-invites etc. They probably have a similar number to you of real friends they choose to spend time with, it’s just that circumstances are different.

and if you do go ahead with a small wedding, people will not think ‘they don’t have many friends’. They’ll probably think you kept it small for cost or hassle reasons , and feel glad to be one of the ‘chosen few’

I only had 30 at my wedding (due to COVID mind you) but it was WONDERFUL! I'm so glad I didn't have a bigger wedding. A smaller wedding gives you more time to spend with your guests, makes it less stressed, and not feel like you're constantly working around people to make sure you've spoken to everyone. Also means you don't spend an absolute fortune on feeding/hosting huge numbers of people.

FWIW I do think smaller weddings are becoming a lot more popular and your numbers don't sound too small at all!

You've listed around 60 people in your post! That's not small is it?

That sounds like a perfect number of guests to me!

That sounds like lots of guests. People you are close to will make it very special. Don’t worry about it.

This sounds like the perfect number, it would only look like you had no guests if you hired a huge hall and filled a corner, hire the right sized room.

l spent most of the evening dancing with my husband and having a great time l didn’t speak to all of my guests and l do feel rude about that when l think of it. Also my friend got married in March and had a day wedding no evening part and she left and went on Honeymoon as her flight was 9pm. She didn’t want work people at her wedding and her family are elderly so spent the evening budget on a better location for the honeymoon, it was a great day .

Good luck

I’d personally recommend:

https://www.lakedistrictcountryhotels.co.uk/elopements-and-micro-weddings-in-the-lake-district/

or

https://www.millbrookestate.co.uk/

Then don't have a traditional wedding.

We married abroad with just family, 6 guests only.

My actual wedding ceremony, in a chapel followed by private dining: me, my husband, my mum and dad, 2 friends of mine, 3 friends of my husband.

Party the next day in my parents' back garden, maybe about 50 people total? Probably less? Aunts, uncles, some cousins, some more mates, my brother and his family, and some work mates from a job I'd not been long at.

I had a lot of disruption with job changes and the pandemic and international friends, which meant I was at a period in my life without that many people to invite.

We had a really good time, and still somehow managed to spend about £18,000, even with my mum making my dress 😅

Just say you're only having a small wedding and leave it at that - this sounds a lovely number and you could upgrade to somewhere really special maybe and have a nice lunch with the people that matter to you both.

It's not about numbers, it's about celebrating with the people who care about you. Unless you are Donald Trump, obviously.