To feel that I can’t get married…

I wouldn't bother with evening guests. The number you have for day is the perfect number to yaylor your day towards something really special.
Unless you are desperate for an evening party I would just have something meaningful that goes on to late afternoon.

Rather than have extra people to make up numbers I would use the cash on going more fancy or going for something a bit out of the ordinary.

I went to a wedding where I was one of 4 guests . How is it embarrassing? Its beyond silly that you would find this embarrassing

With your mention of ‘the night do’ you seem to have one model for what a wedding is I. Your head.

Why not invite everyone and have more of a garden party type Reception? The nicest most fun wedding I went to did not have a Too Table, the B&G and family sat at a round table, speeches happened differently: father of the bride did his toast as a welcome to everyone, a bridesmaid and a mother spoke, Groom and his party sang a beautiful a Capella song in honour of the bride.

Have a tea party wedding, a picnic with a small marquee, hire a small private cinema and show 10 mins of family movies from each family and cocktails in the bar….

You are you, building a life with someone you love. Not a scene in an American RomCom

And get on with it! You want to be married! So do it.

Oh good grief!! Yes don’t worry about how many people are invited - it’s the quality not quantity. I was a bit worried about this too I have to admit, I had loads of friends at sixth form and uni and then they all dropped like flies and I was left with only a couple I don’t have any siblings and neither does my husband! It was a very small wedding with just family and a few friends on each side and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

i do wonder how people have 100+ at their wedding because I can guarantee that they are not close with every single person and a few of those people would’ve just been invited for the ‘flex’ to have more numbers or just because they invited one work colleague so had to invite another etc.

a wedding is the union of two people and if you went to be religious about it, with a 3rd god as your witness. That’s it.

We got married in a registry office (which luckily was a beautiful building) then went to a country pub where we'd hired the function room. Around 35 people. Everyone says how it was so lovely to go to such a relaxed intimate wedding where everyone got to chat. And I didn't want to spend loads of money! Win win

Dont have an evening do, dont invite randomers. Just do a lovely wedding in the right size venue - and everyone will all know each other by the end, it will be a true meeting of families. If you’re not worried about cost, you can pay for quality over quantity. If you are, then great, few people means you can keep it simple

My friend is getting married next year- registry office and then 25 of us for food and drinks in a private room in a nice restaurant.

wrong thread? ...

These days it’s sensible to have a small wedding as it’ll be cheaper. I had 15 at mine. It was lovely.

My brother and his wife are introverts. They don't have friends, don't do group activities, don't get involved in things outside the 2 of them. They organised their wedding in 3 weeks. They got married at the registry office in front of 12 of us and then we went to a very lovely hotel and had afternoon tea. It was beautiful and absolutely them. Marriage is hugely important. Weddings are not. They have become huge and showy and 'for the gram' . Look at all the celebrities who have enormous weddings that turn out not to be anything more than a show because they didn't ever do the legal bit that made them actually married. They just have a huge photo spread in okay magazine. You can have any sort of wedding these days. I've been to massive weddings where there was a really odd vibe ( all are divorced now) and tiny weddings where the couple were very happy and are still together. Big isn't better. What's better ,big or small event, is that you want to be with the person next to you for the rest of your life.

People will 100% not look around and think 'oh you don't have many friends' they will think you have gone for an intimate and personal wedding!

Lets be honest though - lots of these massive weddings (according to the MANY posts on MN of stressed out brides to be) are full of people that the bride and groom barely know - long unseen relatives, friend of the parents, MILs WI gals and the like - don't give it another thought OP!

I also don't have more than a handful of true friends I could pick up the phone to and I'm sure this is the same for many of us.

Get planning that intimate, rustic wedding - it sounds fabulous!

Just read your update. Nope. Head up and walk away from this lying skank.

Get an STD test too. There's nothing like sitting in the bright lights of the clinic to put your life in perspective.

I didnt have a huge wedding - around 50-60. Been married 25 years.
My brothers wedding was about 30 people and another 10 or so at his house for a party afterwards - he's been married for 33 years.
Both weddings were lovely and the marriages have lasted.
A smaller wedding means a cheaper budget (or more per person).
Good luck OP.

We had 15 guests and that was more than enough. It is about the marriage not the circus.

This is said in a kind way. Please work on your self esteem. It will do you the world of good in the long run. The amount of people at your wedding is a non issue nor what anyone would think about it.

All the best weddings I've been to have been smaller ones. They're more special and intimate, stop overthinking and just arrange it x

OP I would use the budget to book two weeks in the Caribbean and get married there.

Sounds perfect - you do you!

Best weddings I have ever been at are smaller intimate affairs.

Enjoy.

I was once involved in an official capacity in a wedding with 7 guests. What they were doing by means of “reception” or celebration, I have no idea, but it really doesn’t matter. They were getting married in the way they wanted with the people they care most about.

Embarrassment is about feeling you’ve done something inappropriate. There is nothing inappropriate about having a small family and small number of close friends.

You want to call him your husband….. get on and organise your small but perfectly formed wedding. Much better than dragging in some randoms you barely know for the sake of appearances. Who is it for? It’s for the two of you, not the “approval” of….. who exactly?

Are you imagining a wedding reception in a hotel? I can understand how that might be off putting in terms of numbers. It’s sounds like you will have 20-40 guests, in which case you could have the meal in a a nice restaurant or pub. They may have an area that you can use for dancing afterwards, if you’d like that. You need to frame it as an intimate wedding, lots of people have these out of choice so that they can spend quality time with the people closest to them jog just say hi in passing to 100 people. Good luck OP. The important thing is the marriage not the wedding.

We had 23 guests to our wedding, we had a 4pm ceremony and were all able to sit at one oval table for an evening meal. We were able to have exactly what we wanted as we weren't spending on a reception for a hundred people. It was a truly lovely day, with the people we love most and no stress.
We had an afternoon tea to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and it was almost the same guest list!

We had a covid wedding (planned in about 3 weeks because we were convinced it was going to be called off/pushed back again). So 16 to the reception, 25 to the meal, then 5 went home and a different 5 came. We were thinking who we'd missed out and would have invited if there hadn't been restrictions. Just my husband's family (5), and a few of my family members who chose not to travel in covid. Everyone said it was one of the best weddings because it was small.

Also, to add, my parents got married decades ago and only had 25. People all said it was the best wedding ever, too.

People love small weddings, they get more time with the couple and get to know the family, too. There's also less pressure for everyone.

So chill, forget about optics, just get it done and have a lovely time!

Me too.

Mind, after I left him for a woman, we threw caution to the wind and pushed the boat out by having 3 at our civil partnership.

We had 50 guests in total, all invited to the ceremony and reception. No second class guests.